


The Tutor

by druantialeaf



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - High School, Drunk Sex, Drunkenness, Dubious Consent, F/M, High School, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, Obsessive Kylo Ren, Older Woman/Younger Man, Slow Burn, Summer, Swimming Pools, Tutoring
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:27:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 80,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23284765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/druantialeaf/pseuds/druantialeaf
Summary: Rey is asked by Leia to tutor Ben for the summer... what could go wrong?
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 207
Kudos: 463
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. Chapter 1

Rey took a deep breath, her finger frozen over the doorbell, pausing before she pressed it.

Her first day as a tutor. She could do this. She would do this.

She’d never wanted to be a tutor, never thought of being one. But then the Solo family had contacted her out of the blue. They wanted her to tutor their incorrigible son, Ben. 

Apparently, he didn’t feel comfortable with a stranger. And he was, quelle surprise, failing out of school. 

Which meant that she got contacted. And instead of the Solos, who were the richest family in town, paying $200 an hour to some famous/respected tutoring company, they were paying her, Rey, who had never tutored a day in her life, $150 an hour to deal with their son, three times a week.

And if it hadn’t been that much money- if it had been anything reasonable, like $25 an hour or $35 or something, she would have said no.

Because, frankly, there was something about Kylo that unnerved her. It had started a few years ago, with the furtive stares, those dark, brown, deep eyes seeming to be fixed on her at all times.

That was back when she’d still been in high school with him. A senior while he was a freshman. And he’d been overly tall and really gawky- all limbs and looking like he’d sprouted up too fast for his body to catch up. 

She knew he didn’t really look like that anymore- she ran into him at various things around town. She often saw him hanging out, smoking, sitting on various expensive cars that his parents let him drive around, with his band of ruffians, jocks and party kids.

It was a bad scene, Rey thought. One she didn’t want to be around. There were all kinds of stories about Kylo getting into fights at school, getting in trouble with teachers, getting caught drinking right outside the post office, of all places.

He’d always try to wave her over, try to talk to her. But Rey would smile brightly and make her apologies, and find an excuse to scurry off. 

She had worked too damn hard to get out of this town. She’d almost gotten out after high school, cause she’d worked really hard then too. As well as been on the event planning committee, and on the soccer team, and done everything she could think of to try to get herself into a good college.

And she had gotten into a good college. Several, in fact. Only none of them had actually offered her full scholarships, and she would have had to have taken out loans, big loans, to afford any of them.

So Rey had agreed to go to the local state school, which was only a 30 minute drive away. And she’d lived at home and commuted, and not had to take out a single cent to pay for school.

But she’d been working her tail off, and she’d finally been accepted to one of the east coast schools she’d dreamed of. She would have to take out some loans, but they were for a few thousand each, and it was completely worth it.

She was going to be out of here, in 3 months, when September rolled around.

She just had to make it through 3 months with Ben the menace, and she’d be good.

She pressed her fingertip to the doorbell, hearing it chime from inside the house.

If you could even call it a house, Rey thought. Mansion, or palace, would be more like it.

It was by far the biggest house in the county, made of stone, with white wood trimming around the edges of the house. It was set far back in the woods, with a long circular driveway leading up to it, with a fountain in the middle. Rey was actually excited that she’d finally seen it- she’d passed it a million times- it was located in the middle of the woods, somewhat outside of town. In the middle of the woods, suddenly there was a little turn in, and maybe 20 feet after that was a wrought iron gate, with a speaker-box thing- the kind only really rich people had. In fact, it was the only house like that that Rey had ever seen, save for the movies.

Finally getting to see it in person had been one of the perks that she’d been looking forward to- she’d seen pictures, from the kids who were lucky enough to get to visit it, and often posted pics on Instagram and stuff. It looked totally massive. Actually Kylo had reached out to invite her to a couple of parties he’d hosted over the past year at it, and she’d turned him down.

She didn’t really go to parties anymore, and if she did, she certainly wouldn’t go to one with kids three years younger than her. She could only imagine how embarrassing that would be. And certainly not with kids who were borderline juvenile delinquents. 

But now she’d seen it, and the outside at least was just as impressive as she’d hoped. It was massive, made of white stone, with wood trimming. It almost looked like whoever designed it had tried to make it look kind of homey and almost cottage like. But the fountain out front and huge size belied what it really was- a mansion, not a cozy cottage.

Rey was shaken out of her thoughts by the door wrenching open. Ben Solo- Kylo, as they all called him, stood staring down at her, his huge body dressed in a pair of soft looking grey pajama pants and a white long sleeved tshirt.

“Rey!” he said. He was grinning, almost like it was a huge surprise to see her.

Rey thought that was rather strange, as Leia had told her that Ben specifically wanted someone he knew for tutoring, and that he’d mentioned her.

But nevertheless, she returned his smile, giving a bright one of her own. “Kylo!” 

Ben bent down, pulling her into a hug. It was kind of a one sided hug, as he had to bend down to get to her, and Rey returned it halfheartedly.

She wasn’t huge on physical touch, especially with members of the opposite sex. 

But she returned it, keeping her body relaxed as Kylo’s hands pressed against her back.

And then she pulled away, placing her hands on his shoulders, putting one her most positive and optimistic face.

“I’m excited to tutor you!” 

Kylo’s smile had dropped slightly when she’d pulled back from him, but now it broke into a full grin again.

“Me too!” With that, he stepped back from the door. “Come on in!”

Rey stepped into the air conditioned Solo mansion, a welcome reprieve from the sweltering and humid summer air.

The hallway was surprisingly dark, at least stepping in from the cloudless sky outside. It looked to be panelled in some kind of dark wood, as far as Rey could make out.

“Follow me,” Kylo said, and Rey dutifully walked after him.

Now that they were moving down the hall, Rey could see why it was so dark. The hallway itself had no windows, obviously, and all the doors to other rooms were shut. The overhead lights were off, which was usually fine in summer, but in a long corridor like this that got no sunlight, it made it pretty dark.

Finally Kylo reached a door and turned the knob, opening it. The room was enchanting looking. It was a conservatory. They had pushed this room out slightly from the rest of the house, to make room for it. There was an arched glass ceiling, a full wall of glass panes, and then two sides which were half windows. So it was kind of half a normal room, and half made out of glass. It gave you the feeling of being right in nature, as if you were sitting on the lawn itself. You could see out to the woods, and, if you craned your neck and angled yourself correctly, even see down to the lake. 

Rey saw that this room was connected via an open doorframe to the kitchen, which was spotless and gleaming. Rey could see the kind of pristine white marble countertops and top of the line, chrome appliances that looked like something out of an Instagram influencer’s kitchen.

It was incredibly. And Rey could barely believe that she was getting paid to sit here, in this place that was nothing short of a palace.

She wondered if Kylo would give her a tour, if she’d get to see the other rooms, and if they were all as nice as this one.

The room had a long white, kind of rustic farmhouse looking table, with a big vase of white flowers in the center. Then there were four benches around each side, each of them measured to fit their end of the table.

It would have made a perfect and pristine view, kind of minimalist farmhouse chic, except for the piles of messy papers scattered on top of it. There were also some open binders littered around, with rude looking scribbles in the margins. 

Thoughtfully, there were two glasses of iced tea on the table, and Rey took a moment to think how nice it was of Kylo to think of that. It provided a kind of funny contrast with the absolute disaster that was the paper situation. 

“Sorry for the mess,” Kylo said. He stretched out an arm, gesturing at the table. “Please, take a seat, wherever you want”

Kylo’s backpack was already placed on the one of the longer benches, which seemed appropriate, given his size, so Rey dropped hers on of the shorter ones, at the head of the table. It was where her glass of ice tea had been deposited, and where she would have sat anyway. From here, there was a lovely view out the window towards the front of the house. There was a bird feeder set up a few meters from the house, and Rey watched as a few cardinals poked their noses in, looking for the seeds.

They both sat, and Rey glanced over the papers. They seemed to be a mishmash of different subjects, no specific class in particular. There seemed to be documents for math, history, science, and English, all strewn around the table.

“So, what did you want to study today?”

Kylo scratched his head, and looked up to the ceiling like he was thinking. And then he looked back at Rey, and gave her a kind of joking smile. “Um, everything?”

Rey smiled back. “Okay, so we have a lot to work on then. Right. Are you doing summer school or something?”

Leia hadn’t mentioned summer school, but it was the only reason Rey could think of for why Kylo would agree to be tutored during summer break. She was quite sure that he’d rather spend his vacation doing more fulfilling activities… like, say, breaking into cars downtown, or getting drunk by the lake with his friends.

Kylo’s eyes darted downwards, scanning the papers. “Oh ah, actually, my mom was able to talk to the teachers. I don’t have to do summer school, but I have to make up a lot of extra credit work in order to pass.”

Rey nodded, arranging her mouth into an understanding smile. Of course. Of course the school would be willing to bend the rules for the Solos, seeing as they owned half the town. 

She was quite sure that if she or any other student had been failing out, they’d be forced to go to summer school, and no amount of phone calls from a parent could have convinced their teachers to let them make it up with a couple extra assignments.

But… that was what happened when you had unlimited money and power.

“And, uh- I guess my mom wants me to learn some stuff in general about each of the subjects, so I’m ready for the new year.”

Kylo looked up at Rey, giving a small, resigned shrug.

Frankly, Rey was surprised he would even agree to it. Kylo seemed to be very aware that he was going to inherit a huge fortune no matter what he did in life, no matter how badly he failed out. He made that very clear in his actions, and his complete lack of concern for anything involving academics.

Rey guessed that she could understand why he would be willing to make up some extra credit work, but to actually agree to study in preparation for the new year?

Rey wondered if Kylo was expecting her to just do the work for him, and not expect him to actually learn anything.

If he did- fat chance. He was going to have to actually work.

“Okay… well do you have a list of the assignments you’re supposed to do, so I can take a look at em?” 

Kylo began gathering the documents that were scattered around the table. He discarded a few papers, ending up with a small stack that he passed to Rey.

Rey looked through them, scanning the different assignments. This was fairly sizable. She wouldn’t be able to knock it out in one session- it was going to take several to get Kylo completely caught up. And that was if they worked at a good pace. They couldn’t really be dawdling or fooling around and expect it to be done within the month. 

Rey noticed that there were more English/history assignments than math and science, which pleased her because, as she’d explained to Leia, she wasn’t that great at math or science, and got by through sheer hard work. English and history came much more easily.

Rey finished leafing through the stack and looked up, to see that Kylo was staring at her. He quickly glanced away, looking behind her at the yard outside.

Rey cleared her throat. “Okay, we have a lot to do. What’s your favorite subject? Is it math, because I see a lot less math work than English...”

Kylo nodded.

“Okay, let’s start there, knock out the easier stuff first. Why don’t you just start working on these and ask me if you need any help?”

She passed the first piece of math homework to Kylo. It looked to be the easiest, with a few formulas that Kylo would have to do listed out. Not super complex stuff.

“And, full disclosure,” Rey held her hands up, in a ‘not guilty’ stance. “I’m not the best at math, but I’ll try to help wherever I can.”

Kylo grinned. “Something Rey’s not perfect at? Can it be true?”

Rey blushed. She knew he meant it as a compliment, but she couldn’t help but bristle. She’d been slapped with the “Miss Perfect” reputation all through high school. Not that she was a goody-goody- she’d never been considered a nerd or like the kid who would remind the teacher that she’d forgotten to assign homework.

She’d just been thought of as overall perfect. She was relatively attractive, she got good grades, was well behaved, got along with lots of different kids, was involved with prom planning, on sports, fairly popular, never went to wild parties or messed up.

She supposed, somehow, that translated to “perfect”, although that was far from how she saw herself. More like hopelessly imperfect, which was why she had to work so damn hard for everything. Why she couldn’t mess up, ever. Why she couldn’t coast along like Kylo, who actually had the perfect life, without a care in the world. Or would, if he’d stop deliberately messing things up for herself.

She often felt people viewed her as “Miss Perfect” and judged her for that. Excluded her or resented her to or just thought of her as “different”. When the truth was, Rey was trying as hard as she could simply to lift herself out of a miserable existence, out of the kind of life her reckless parents had, working a string of minimum wage jobs and drinking with their friends while leaving her at home to her own devices.

So, given the other options, she supposed, yes, she’d had to be perfect, because of what was at stake.

But it hadn’t been her choice.

But she knew Kylo didn’t mean it like that, so she shrugged and offered him a tight smile. “Definitely not perfect,” she said. “Let me know if you have any issues with anything.”

Kylo’s eyes glinted at hers for a moment, burning more brightly with- something- before he looked back down at the sheet.

Rey had glanced over the sheet, and it was fairly simple mathematical formulas. “A+7 divided by B” kind of things. Simple enough for even her to do, and she considered herself fairly hopeless at math, having to exert a ton of energy just to keep up.

So simple, that Rey didn’t want to insult Kylo by going over it with him in advance, or attempting to walk him through that. Even though that was- technically- her job.

Actually, Rey thought, it was strange that someone about to enter his senior year was still doing what was, essentially, arithmetic. Rey couldn’t remember exactly, but she was sure at that point she had moved on to calculus or more complicated equations.

She wondered, yet again, if Kylo was getting a break because of the Solo last name.

She took her glass of ice tea and began to sip from it, looking out at the beautiful yard. The tea was just slightly sweetened, perfectly balanced with the sour tang of the lemon. Rey wondered if Kylo made it- if he did, he was really talented. She’d never marked him as the cooking type, but maybe she’d been wrong.

As Kylo worked over the paper, Rey twitched with the urge to take out her phone and check instagram. The only sound was the clock ticking on the wall, and Rey realized that the stunning views around the house, at a certain point, failed to be exciting. 

Still, she forced herself not to pull out her phone. This was her first session with Kylo, and, with her new school year and college approaching, she really did need the money, as reluctant as she’d been at first to take the job.

The minutes passed by, with Kylo diligently working through the questions. 

Finally, he put his pencil down, and slid the piece of paper over to Rey.

Rey smiled at him. “Done?”

Kylo nodded.

“Okay, like I said, I’m no math expert, but I’ll do my best.”

She began to look over the answers, checking the formulas, and pulling out the calculator on her phone to check certain calculations. 

She found a few errors, and she wrote them all on a yellow pad that she’d brought along with her. When she’d finished, Kylo had gotten about 60% correct. Not great, but not completely awful either. Not for someone who barely spent any of his time in class.

She looked back up at Kylo, only to see his gaze riveted on her, in that creepy, consuming gaze that was so distinctly Kylo. She felt a frisson of fear hit her, at the intensity of his look. It probably wouldn’t be that intimidating, if not for the size of him. Kylo was huge. He was 6’3, at least, and all muscle. And he was broad. She wasn’t sure what the Solos were feeding him, but it was clearly working.

Just being around such a physically strong guy was daunting, let alone when he was staring at your face with a kind of black, zeroed in focus. His dark eyes bore into hers, as they did so often, when she would pass him downtown while he laughed with his friends.

“I checked it,” Rey said, keeping her voice as smooth as she could make it. “It’s good, but there are a few mistakes that I wanna go over.”

Kylo’s face brightened, going back to normal. “Of course, I would expect it all to be mistakes.” He laughed lightly, and the atmosphere in the room seemed to go back to normal.

It was as if a cloud had passed in front of the sun, blocking out the light, then filling the room with warmth again. 

Suddenly Rey could hear the chirps of the birds outside, and the tick of the clock, and only then did she realize those things had seemed to fade away, for just a couple of seconds when she’d been frozen by Kylo’s look.

But it had passed. Strange, Rey thought.

Kylo was a weird guy.

She went over each of the problems he’d messed up, once again making multiple caveats, explaining that she wasn’t an expert at math, and that she’d told Leia that, but Leia had said it was fine. And each time Kylo had laughed, and said he was quite sure she was amazing at math like she was everything, and something about it made Rey bristle, because it was that perfect trigger that she hated people to think about her. But she didn’t say anything, and she’d simply explained to him all the problems she’d found, and then Kylo had rewritten them on his own paper, until it was ready to be turned in to his teacher.

And then they’d done the same thing with another math sheet- Kylo filling it out, Rey counting the moments while she waited, then her checking his work. This time, she was self conscious the whole time, feeling as though she could feel him looking at her, wondering if they would have another strange moment. But it didn’t happen again, and while Kylo had been staring at her, he’d smiled self consciously at her when she met his gaze, and there was no weird feeling about it. And she’d pointed out the corrections, and he’d fixed them.

And this went on until the hour ran out, with them going just a bit over so they could finish up the third page. 

“So, I think that’s it for today,” Rey said. She gave Kylo a rueful grin, and stood up from the table. She kind of shrugged her shoulders, as if she was disappointed to be done. But really, she was thrilled.

She could already picture the Netflix show she wanted to watch on her laptop when she got home. And even though she’d only spent an hour with Ben, it was more than she earned at her other job, which was doing secretarial/receptionist work for a local real estate agent, in an entire shift.

“Yeah, well- thanks for your help,” Kylo said. My mom said she’d Venmo you the money, you can just tell her how much it was.”

Rey nodded. They’d discussed all this over the phone. She didn’t exactly expect Leia to leave stacks of hundred dollar bills for Kylo to pass out- that seemed like a recipe for disaster.

“So… it’s a little after three- should we round it up, tell her you stayed for an hour and fifteen?”

A quarter of an hour extra- that would mean an extra 35 bucks or so, if her math was right. An amount that it would take her two and a half hours to earn at her real estate job.

But still… no. She couldn’t lie. And certainly not on the first day.

She was supposed to be a role model for Kylo- Rey thought it was one of the reasons she was hired. Cause Kylo had always, kind of- looked up to her, in a way. She wasn’t sure that was the word for it, but she did seem to be one of the few people he actually respected and listened to.

“No, an hour flat is fine,” Rey said. “We spent a few minutes getting situated anyway- I’d rather round down instead of up.” She smiled.

Kylo shrugged. “It’s up to you. She won’t care about the extra money, I promise.”

Rey reached down, gathering her backpack and notepad. “It’s totally fine, no big deal.”

Internally, she practically wanted to kick herself. An extra $35! And Kylo was right- the Solos would barely notice the difference.

But it wasn’t right, and Kylo would know anyway.

So she packed everything into her bag and gave Kylo a bright smile, pulling herself out of the space between the bench and the table.

Kylo seemed to get that this was his cue that she wanted to leave, and he began walking back through the rooms, leading to the front entrance.

Before the door, Kylo turned, facing Rey.

“Thanks for everything today,” Kylo said. “It’s really helpful.”

“Of course,” Rey said. “Leia said you want to do it three times a week then- so would Wednesday and Friday afternoons work for you?”

She felt nervousness shoot through her. Suddenly, with the prospect of getting paid $150 for an hour of easy work a tangible reality, she desperately wanted Kylo to say yes. When Leia had floated the idea of tutoring him, she’d initially been reluctant, until she’d mentioned the money involved. And then she’d been cautiously optimistic. But with Kylo’s reputation, she’d been convinced he’d make the hour unbearable- be as difficult with her as he was rumored to be with the teachers at their high school. Or that he’d just not show up, since he surely had more exciting things to do than study.

But the hour had gone by relatively easily, and all Rey could think about was 150 DOLLARS in her account, for an hour of sitting in a really nice, windowed room and doing some basic math equations. 

Now she suddenly felt eager- desperate, even- to get the next appointments set up. More money for her college fund, less hours at the real estate office with the horrible Ms. Kowalski

Kylo nodded, his face breaking into a grin. “Sounds good to me.”

Rey gave him a genuine grin back, one that she knew, this time, reached her eyes.

“See you then!” She stepped forward to leave, and then felt a sudden grip on her arm.

Rey gasped, her senses flooding with a moment of shock, before she turned and saw that it was just Kylo, looking at her impassively, the same harmless, happy expression on his face.

Of course it was Kylo, who else would it be? It’s not like they were in a crowded shopping mall or downtown.

She’d just been…. Startled.

“Sorry!” Kylo said, immediately raising his hands up in a “don’t shoot” gesture. “I didn’t mean to scare you!”

Rey let out a nervous laugh, covering her heart with her other hand. “Sorry,” she laughed. “I’ve just been jumpy lately, I guess.”

Kylo nodded, his eyes running over her face. Rey wondered if she looked completely crazy- probably. Who reacted that way to someone touching their arm?

“I just wanted to give you a hug before you left,” Kylo said.

“Oh- of course, of course,” Rey said. Of course he just wanted a hug- here Kylo was being friendly and she was acting like she was starring in some kind of a horror movie or something. 

She opened her arms up, and Kylo stepped forward and down into them. Suddenly it was like being enveloped, his massive body enfolding hers into his.

She wasn’t a short girl- in fact, if anything, she was just a smidge above average in height. But next to Kylo, she felt tiny. There was just something so huge about him, so immovable, like a boulder.

And Rey felt that strength solidify and settle around her, his hands pressing into her back, his head falling behind hers, his chest leaning over hers.

When she felt his breath land on the back of her neck, Rey couldn’t help but pull back. She did it with a huge smile, so Kylo wouldn’t be insulted. And she didn’t mean it to be insulting, she just wasn’t big on physical touch, on having someone right up in her “grill”, as one of her friends teased her. 

So she stepped back, giving Kylo a grin, and then turned to open the huge door that opened to the long driveway. And she began to work to her dingy old Honda Civic, turning to wave at Kylo as she did. “See you soon!”

Kylo waved back, and then she was there, opening the door, settling down into her front seat.


	2. Chapter 2

The next few visits passed much like the first. She’d arrive to the Solo’s huge mansion, parking her sad little beat up car alongside their garage. 

Then she’d walk to the front door, and she’d greet Ben, and then they’d go to the breakfast nook area. 

And Kylo would have his stuff strewn around over the table, and slowly they worked their way through all the math, and then the science stuff, with Rey having to google a few things to make sure she remembered everything from high school chemistry.

But it was easy work, and Rey actually found herself looking forward to it.

It was a treat just to be in such beautiful surroundings. The rest of the time she was in her parents’ dingy, loud ranch house, with the paper thin walls through which she could hear them arguing and worrying about money. 

Her windows were covered with make-shift blackout curtains she’d bought from the fabric section at Wal-Mart, but there was nothing to look out on anyway. Just a view of their neighbors own run-down house, except they actually kept trash in their yard- things like an old, rusted over car and decaying plastic kids toys, that kind of thing. It was pathetic to look at, and completely overgrown.

Rey’s parents’ house was overgrown too, because neither one of them liked doing lawn work. But at least they didn’t keep old furniture and trash in the yard.

Rey was pleased that they were at least holding down jobs. After a lifetime of them skipping around at different workplaces, getting fired, or just not showing up to to work, it was a relief that they had steady employment. Both of them worked at fast food places, and it wasn’t much money, but it was enough to keep the lights on. Her mom had even worked her way up to assistant manager, which was exciting and meant a bump in salary. 

They still drank, when they came home or had a couple days off together. But it seemed under control, not like it had been when Rey was growing up, when it was constant chaos and she’d had to rely on the free meals at school to eat.

Rey had decorated her own room with fairy lights and little knick knacks she’d accumulated over time. A statue of a fairy that she saw in a store and loved, a painting she’d gotten at a flea market, a jewelry box she’d ordered online, and plants that she’d picked up from the local nursery. Nothing particularly expensive, but enough that it did feel like her home. And she was already planning what to take with her to college. 

Because she’d be living in a dorm now. In a really nice, old dorm that had been constructed in the 1800s, and had housed famous writers and politicians and businessmen. And she knew it was a new scene there, and that her fairy statue might not fit in.

And what Rey wanted- what she really wanted- was to have friends that didn’t think of her as either “perfect Rey” or “Rey who lives in that dumpy section of town and whose parents are heavy drinkers fuckups.” She needed to be something else.

She also wanted to have a real relationship. She’d not had one yet, as she was so focused on her studies, and trying to get good enough grades, and there was really no one in her hometown that she particularly wanted to date. She’d had a few flirtations, and she’d kissed a couple guys. But for the most part, the guys in this town were everything she didn’t want, and her biggest fear was ending up pregnant or something, and tethered to her hometown forever.

Several of her friends from the event planning committee, who all were popular and well liked, had seemed to have bright futures, but had ended up with guys from high school, getting married after graduation and pregnant. And next thing, you would run into them in town, or working at the grocery, a big swollen belly popping out in front of them, and maybe another kid toddling along behind them.

It was a nightmare. And Rey was so close to actually getting out, finally being free, that she didn’t want to blow it.

But still, she wanted a relationship.

At night, she’d think about dating a guy like Harry Styles. She knew it was stupid, and she didn’t even particularly love One Direction. But he was so cute, in an intellectual, kind of quirky way. And he just seemed kind of non threatening, and sweet. And like the kind of guy who would wear a scarf and order a cappuccino and have read Proust.

Rey had never read Proust. But she wanted to date someone who had.

And until then, her days were filled with working for the horrible Ms. Kowalski at the real estate office, and then sitting in this small room, turning up her TV loudly enough so that it drowned out the sounds of her parents when they were home and fighting, or watching Netflix, or studying and preparing for school. 

Even when her parents weren’t home, their house was just loud. They were in the flight path of the airport which meant that planes were constantly flying overhead. And it was a fairly busy street- with lots of cars driving up and down the street, sometimes going really fast, which was frightening. Or people talking outside…. Just lots of noise, constantly.

Going to the Solos, which was quiet and pristine in that way only expensive places are, was like a welcome respite. And Rey had gotten used to sitting with Ben and waiting for him to finish working on his papers, and she’d stare out the window at the bird feeder and watch the cardinals and robins play.

It was summertime, which meant the Solo’s huge yard and land was dappled in sunlight. Everything was green, green, green, with golden light showering down onto their pristine yard. Then they had the woods in the background, and along the edges of the trees were carefully planted flowers. Rey had seen gardeners working in the flower gardens several times, and she wasn’t surprised. Paying someone had to be the only way to possibly maintain such a large and beautiful property. It looked like something out of a magazine, or possibly a dream or fairytale.

And that pretty much summed up the Solos’ house. Everything was just… perfect. And easy. You never had to worry about seeing a cockroach, or coming into a room and having it be completely dirty. Or being out of food- every week, Ben would provide her with that glass of iced tea, and asked her if she preferred anything else. He’d gone down a list, once- “We’ve got sparkling water, lemonade, green juice, soda, coffee… whatever you want.”

And it was a small thing, but it was just so jarring, for Rey. She was used to the fridge being empty. She was the one who would stock it, and if she didn’t go to the grocery store, there was no food. It had just been something that had kind of happened- she’d brought back groceries one day, her parents had eaten some, and it just became a kind of unspoken thing with them. That was her version of “rent”, she supposed. And though she knew that technically she was lucky, it still sometimes rankled her- the entitlement of her parents eating her entire carton of organic hummus at night because they’d come home drunk. No one ever said thank you, or tried to get her stuff. It was just kind of expected. 

Rey knew that this was how she wanted to live- some day. Once she’d earned a lot of money. She was thinking of possibly going to law school, if she could get good grades and get a scholarship. Lawyers made a lot of money, that she knew. If she could get into a top ten school, and do well, she’d almost be guaranteed a spot at a big firm afterwards. 

And then, one day, she could live in a place- maybe not as big as this, but maybe close.

So it was exciting to see how the Solos lived, to imagine herself in such a beautiful spot.

It was like an hour of escape, before she would climb back into her beat up Honda Civic and drive back home.

And Ben wasn’t really as bad as she’d thought he would be. Actually, she was surprised at how personable he was. She’d heard the stories, about him talking back to teachers, sometimes doing physically aggressive stuff. Apparently one time he’d gotten into it with Mr. Phillips, the biology teacher, and he’d towered over little, skinny Mr. Phillips, and then, as he left the room, swatted the trash can with one hand, which had caused it to skid across the floor, bumping into a desk and falling over. Trash had spilled everywhere, and, even though it wasn’t the most extreme act that Kylo had done, it had been quite the buzz around Jakku High. Apparently Mr. Phillips had been quite shaken, and had bent down to clean up the spilled trash before having to leave the class early. He’d taken the next day off as well.

This was the kind of thing that was fairly typical for Ben, from what Rey had heard. It’s not like he was some sociopath, wreaking absolute havoc. But he did wreak havoc, in his own way. He did what he wanted, and he wasn’t afraid of confrontation or getting detention or getting in trouble. Anyway, with the Solos as parents, Rey supposed getting in actual, real trouble- like being expelled- wasn’t a concern. As predicted, Ben got slapped with after school detention for only one day. He didn’t get a suspension or expulsion, as any other kid would, if they physically menaced a teacher and threw something around.

Although, all the kids said, it wasn’t like he’d thrown the trash can hard. Rey reasoned that Ben couldn’t really help his physical size, couldn’t help the fact that he was over 6’3 at least and broad. Built more like a star linebacker instead of the class delinquent. He couldn’t help that he’d only hit the trash can with one hand, and yet it had been enough strength to whip it all the way across the classroom.

At least, that was how Rey felt about it. Since he’d been with her, he’d been nothing but nice to her. She’d never thought Mr. Phillips to be mean. He’d been perfectly fine to her, in fact, she, and a few of the other more attractive girls, he’d been especially nice to, placing them at the front of the class and calling on them first. It was nothing over the top creepy, but he did seem to give her and the other prettier girls a bit of special treatment. She’d always liked him, and appreciated getting the high marks, to be honest, although now that she was older she wondered if it was inappropriate.

Anyway, it didn’t matter. She wondered if Mr. Phillips had been mean to Ben, or the teachers picked on him. They must have, because Ben was never anything but patient and understanding with her. She’d tell him what to do, and she never received so much as a groan or a protest. Ben would just instantly set to the task, sometimes asking her if he needed help with a problem.

Sometimes, when she’d answer his questions, she’d notice a gleam in his eyes, an unnatural focus that seemed to come over him when he’d watch her. Not always- just sometimes. It was enough, at times, to make her lose her train of thought, or get momentarily befuddled. And then it was like Ben would notice his overly strong eye contact, and avert his eyes, and the moment would pass, and everything would go back to normal.

But Rey knew- Ben was a teenage boy, and she was an attractive young woman. Of course he would have some kind of interest in her, or a little crush. It was mostly harmless. The kind of crush any young guy had on any cute girl. Just a matter of indiscriminate teenage hormones.

And so, over time, Rey found herself looking forward to her hours at the Solos, relaxing into it. Rey kept expecting Leia or Han to pop by, to monitor her. But they never came. Occasionally Leia would call her, asking her for a debrief on Ben’s progress. Leia was always quick and running on a strict time schedule, so there was never time for much small talk. But she was never overly harsh, never the type to ask her a million questions or second guess her. Rey supposed Leia trusted her, and so that’s why she didn’t probe too deeply. But she still found it a bit strange. 

But still… she found herself wondering if Leia or Han could take off just an hour or so, to pop home and meet her in person, and maybe go over Ben’s work. At first, she had been dreading the prospect, expecting them to come in and demand to know exactly what they were paying her $150 an hour for. She’d thought she’d have to give all kinds of explanations for what she was sure was sub-pay tutoring, since she’d never done it before.

But they never came, and day after day, it was just her and Ben, and the staff members that seemed to make themselves like ghosts. Occasionally she would see the gardeners outside, sticking to the edge of the lawn, in the flower beds. Or she’d hear light noises coming from the kitchen, which quickly explained itself after a few visits when the housekeeper lady, Rosita, had come in to ask Ben what he wanted to eat for dinner. 

Most of the time, it felt like just the two of them, and then you became aware that there was a whole team keeping this enormous house spotless and pristine. Rey quickly realized that Ben had not made the iced tea for her, that he wouldn’t ever have to do anything like that.

And as nice as it was, Rey couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for Ben. Sometimes, when she’d catch him looking at her in that intense way, she’d sense a deep loneliness in him, something that seemed to cut to the bone. But it was away in a glance; whenever he’d see her catch it, he’d blink and it would be gone.

And maybe Rey was just imagining things- after all, how much information could you get from just a look? But she could understand, in a way, why he had a reputation for being so angry, and for storming out of classes and occasionally shoving kids into lockers and sitting around drinking with his friends in empty parking lots. Because there was a kind of… emptiness to the house. And Rey could feel it, the lack of Han and Leia, and she knew it wasn’t a rare blip.

So over time, Rey’s idea of Ben began to shift to feeling somewhat sorry for him. She’d felt… well, in retrospect, she supposed she’d been afraid of him. He’d made her nervous. She’d been clouded by his immense stature, his broad build and muscles and reputation for causing trouble. All the stories about him beating other kids up in fights and getting talked to by the police and Han and Leia rescuing him time and again. All the talk around town about how, if it weren’t for their power, that he’d already be in juvie, or even in jail, for the kinds of things he did.

But she could see now, really see Ben, as he sat diagonally across from her at his kitchen table, holding his pencil, which looked almost comically small in his huge hand, and scribbling, mouth in a kind of grimace with concentration… he looked like a boy. Obviously, not his size- but something about him seemed so young. 

Rey thought back to when Kylo had entered as a freshman. Rey was wrapping her time at Jakku High, and she’d fought long and hard for the respect that she now got as a senior. She’d studied hard, gotten into AP classes, and was involved in a couple extracurriculars, like the party planning committee, which was mostly just a social committee where people who were popular and well liked were elected to hash out the details for Homecoming and prom. But Rey was glad to have been nominated and confirmed for the position- to her, it confirmed that she was well liked among her peers. And that they respected her- she didn’t have the same reputation around town as her parents, who’s alcohol and substance issues seemed to be getting increasingly out of control. Everyone knew she lived in a dilapidated section of town, so it meant a lot to Rey that her classmates still seemed to hold her in high regard.

And she felt they did. She got respect from most of her classmates, and considered herself well liked. She had a few girls and boys she didn’t along with- some of them resented her, Rey felt, in a kind of jealous and unfair way. But for the most part, she got along well with people, after suffering through the pain of middle school and a somewhat bumpy freshman year. She’d transitioned into a girl that most of the school respected. She spent many a lunch holed up in some empty classroom- she could use whichever she wanted because the teachers loved her. But she’d be doing extra credit, or extra work for the party planning committee. She was always trying to stay busy and on top of things, convinced that if she worked hard enough, she might be able to get into an Ivy or top school.

And that was the position she’d been in when Ben had entered. He was the opposite- if anyone was disliked and held in low regard, it would have been him. At school, even then, the students had given him a wide berth. At that point, he was tall, taller than his classmates, although not as tall as he was now. And he was fairly skinny, the result of growing way too fast. 

He had pale skin then, as he did now. And a shock of almost black hair that contrasted with his skin, and dark brown eyes. It was fitting for him though- there was always a kind of wave of darkness that seemed to follow him around. Rey couldn’t imagine him with pale blond hair or blue eyes- the darkness of his hair seemed to fit.

Rey could remember the day she first met him. She’d seen him around, in the way you passed many different faces at school in a given day. Jakku was a smallish town, but everyone in the area got sent to the same high school, which meant it was fairly sizable. There were about 300 kids per grade, so it was easy to forget certain faces, or just blend into the crowd.

Anyway, Rey had been at her locker, when she’d her name called from behind her. She’d turned around to meet the voice, which she didn’t recognize, only to find herself staring at the chest of a much taller person. She’d looked up, and there was Ben. She’d recognized his face, but only as one of the many blurs of faces she passed every day.

“Hey, Rey,” Ben had said. 

She didn’t recognize him as anything in particular, just a random guy she’d seen around the school. 

Still, she offered him a broad, if confused smile. Her signature. She smiled at everyone.

“Hi,” she’d said.

Ben must have sensed her confusion, because he’d said his name. “I’m Ben. Ben Solo.”

Realization dawned, and her eyebrows had raised up in recognition. “Oh! Ben!” She let out a laugh. “I didn’t recognize you! Wow, you’ve grown!”

Ben’s expression looked oddly conflicted- as if he was pleased and also stung, perhaps not sure which to feel.

She’d known Ben vaguely as a kid. They were hardly super close, but her mom had worked for Leia, as a receptionist, and had brought Rey around occasionally. Leia tended to throw all out office parties a few times a year- the holidays, summer, Halloween- the major events- and Rey had attended them with her parents. Even after her mom had been fired from the job, when her alcoholism became too unmanageable, Leia had invited them to the Christmas parties for the next couple years.

So Rey had seen Kylo a handful of times a year, when she was a kid. Of course, Kylo had been 3 years younger, and extremely rambunctious, prone to knocking things over, climbing on furniture, that kind of thing. Rey hardly considered him a best friend, but she had known him. Not all that well, but enough to where it was polite to smile and greet him with a smile.

“Yeah, I- well, I’m a freshman here now,” he’d said. That much was obvious, but Rey was grateful to him for filling in the silence.

“Oh! That’s great!” Rey wasn’t sure quite what to say. He was a freshman, but she’d never considered herself particularly close to him. It wasn’t the kind of “long lost friend” where you fell all over yourself with joy to be reunited, and wanted to be around them all the time.

“Yeah,” Ben said. “You’re a senior, right?”

Rey nodded. “Sure am. I can show you around some time, if you’d like to know the ropes.”

Frankly, Rey was hoping Ben would blow her off. Actually, she wasn’t quite sure why he’d introduced himself to her at all. Freshmen and seniors ran in different social groups- it’s not like they would start hanging out and sitting together at lunch, or something.

“That would be great!” Ben had said. His face had brightened, losing all the conflict from earlier. 

And that was how, a full month and a half after school had started, Rey found herself walking Ben through the school, pointing out the gym and the football stadium and the auditorium and the science classroom. She kept thinking, while she was doing it, that Ben must surely know all these places already, and he was probably horribly bored, but he hadn’t stopped her.

Rey tried to make it entertaining. She gave him little tips about which teachers were stricter, and which were more lenient about attendance, and made little jokes about it all, but Ben hadn’t laughed at any of them. Even then, he’d been very serious- perhaps more serious then than he was now. He was very watchful, and Rey noticed it. He mostly watched her silently, letting her lead him. It wasn’t all that strange, but it didn’t make Rey feel like they would be fast friends, or that he was particularly interested in becoming best friends. He mostly stayed silent, watching her face, glancing around at the classrooms, and answering her questions when she’d ask him something. He didn’t really talk much.

That was okay- lots of teenage boys were that way. Especially nervous freshmen.

At the end of the ‘tour’, Rey had given Ben a hug and sent him on his way, and not really thought much about it. After that, she recognized his face, and would wave at him when she saw him in the hallway, or, occasionally, they’d walk together to class if they found themselves in the same vicinity, and chat and casually catch up. 

Ben always seemed eager to be around her, and happy to spend any time at all chatting to her. Rey realized that this probably had a lot to do with the fact that he was a freshman- the bottom of the high school totem pole, so to speak. And she was a senior- and a popular, well respected one, at that. Everyone at the school liked her. She was sure it gave him a little “status” as a freshman, to be seen speaking to her. She could remember being a freshman herself, and how untouchable and cool the seniors had seemed. She was glad she could make Ben feel a little more welcome and at home at Jakku High- she knew it had taken her long enough to feel truly at ease.

Sometimes she would see Ben staring at her, from across the hallway or if they were in the assembly. Rey, along with a few other high performers in the grade and members of the party planning committee, was sometimes asked to speak- to read announcements aloud or announce details of the upcoming events. So there a few times Rey would have to sit on stools along with other seniors, waiting their turns, and then walking up to address the school at the podium.

These things always made Rey nervous, although she also got a secret thrill out of them- to her they were proof of how far she’d come, that the school was recognizing her as a star student. And she was thrilled by that.

Anyway, she’d sit on her stool, waiting for one of her classmates to finish, and her turn to begin, and look out at the crowd. And almost every time, if she would scan the crowd, she would see Ben. He kind of stuck out, being so much taller than the other kids his age that his head was almost always quite a bit taller, whether he was sitting or standing. And there was just something intense about him, something that pulled your eye to him. Or at least, Rey always felt that way about him. And he’d always be staring at her, watching her. 

She expected that when she was the one speaking, but she had to admit, it was kind of nice, if a bit strange, that he would do it when she was sitting. Some of her closer friends would do that, and when she would look over at them, they’d pull a funny face or make some gesture at her, which would sometimes make her laugh. But Ben’s expression was always fairly serious, although he’d almost always break into a wide smile, raising one of his large hands up in the “hi” gesture.

And Rey would smile back, and give a little wave, and then turn her head back forward.

It was sweet. Sometimes Rey wondered if Ben had a little crush on her, but it was mainly harmless. She knew lots of the freshman boys had crushes on her- it seemed to be a rule of the seniors- freshman would crush on you. She could remember being a freshman and having crushes on the senior guys. And being aware that so many of the freshman boys would talk about how “hot” various senior girls were- there seemed to be a little group that they always talked about, certain names that always came up- Stacey, Hailey, Jessica, etc. 

Rey was aware that she was now, probably, in that group. She was clean cut and relatively pretty- even she could admit that about herself. And she knew, and could tell, that a few of the freshman boys, and boys in her own grade, had crushes on her. But she was determined not to be distracted by that kind of thing. And, she was well aware- teenage boys had all kinds of crazy hormones. One day they could be in love with a girl, the next day, they could dump her.

Her friend Danielle had been dating the captain of the football team, and she’d gotten pregnant, and he’d dumped her immediately. She’d ended up giving birth to the baby and dropping out of high school in the middle of junior year- she’d tried to stay in school, but the workload was just too much to take, with a baby at home. Now she lived in her mom’s house, tending to her kid. The football team captain had graduated and gone off to college, and from his Instagram it was clear that he didn’t have a care in the world.

Rey knew that he’d told Danielle he loved her. Danielle had told her all about it, before she ever got pregnant. And then that had vanished.

So Rey knew exactly how much you could trust a teenage boy’s “feelings”. And she didn’t let it go to her head, or affect her. It was just what happened when you were a pretty girl- teenage boy developed crushes easily- and lost them just as fast. 

That was her experience with Ben in high school. It was very limited to friendly conversation in the hallway, waves across crowded auditoriums, and the occasional conversation at her locker. He never seemed afraid to approach her, even though she was a senior and he was, technically, a lowly freshman, even if he didn’t look it, with his towering height.

She’d done well in high school. She was well liked, well respected, even if she didn’t feel particularly close to anyone. Even though many of her friends liked to party, hosting house parties and getting drunk on their parents’ liquor, Rey had consciously avoided all of that. She was friendly with those people, and would sit with them in class and work with them on the party committee, but she’d always pass up the house party invites. She was too focused on not staying in Jakku, in escaping the life her parents had, that so many around her had. And she knew she couldn’t afford to slip up.

So she kept mostly to herself. Being a member of the committee, she always went to the school dances, and she always had a date. Usually the nice, clean cut boys, although one year she did go with Danny, a kind of wild player on the football team. But the boys were always respectful to her- Rey had a good reputation, in some ways she was known as a “goody goody”. She was never prissy or over the top, but she was known as a girl who did the right thing. She was aware that some people thought of her as being “perfect”, and it sometimes bothered her. She was just trying to do the right thing, just trying to get out of her parents’ run down house and make a better life for herself. But some people thought of her as a snob, because of what she wouldn’t engage in. She didn’t sleep with a lot of guys- didn’t sleep with anyone, in fact, although she wasn’t sure how many in the school knew that. She didn’t do drugs or drink a lot. Sure, she’d gone to parties and had beers- even gotten drunk, a few times. But she mostly demurred and would volunteer to be the D.D., or just decline drinks.

But all of that was starting to pay off now. She would no longer be the “perfect girl” at Jakku High. She was going to be at a major college, full of kids like her. Kids who were smart, hardworking- “perfect”, like she was.

And Rey couldn’t wait. She was sick of feeling the weight of extra attention. She was sick of living in her parents’ dingy house. And she was sick of boring, run down Jakku.

And so she went to every tutoring session. And did all her hours at the real estate company. Every bit was going to be spent at her college. And she needed as much of it as she could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up to everyone that in this crazy time I am also in the process of moving, so the next update might be delayed a bit! Or maybe I will find time in between packing boxes… we shall see! :)
> 
> Please let me know what you think, your comments mean sooo much to me!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a suuuuper long chapter, but I didn't want to break it up because... well, you'll see! So be prepared, and maybe grab like a meal or snack something before you settle in to read it :) 
> 
> And also, I wanted to give a heads up, there is some sexy stuff in this chapter and it is definitely *****DUBIOUS CONSENT**** because the parties are drunk. Although I don't think it goes into non con territory, if you find that triggering, I totally understand and please don't read it. Obviously in real life it's important for the woman to be able to give consent and be lucid. 
> 
> And with all that being said, please enjoy!

Rey was starting to feel comfortable with Ben. He really wasn’t that bad.

In fact, this version of him seemed worlds away from the reputation he had in town. Far from being violent or out of control, Ben was practically a model student.

She’d babysat for a few kids, and none of them had ever been as cooperative or willing to take directions as Ben. Even the two little girls who were absolutely sweet and would run around in their ballet uniforms- they would talk back occasionally or protest when it was time to go to bed. Things Ben never did.

Of course, the orders she gave him were more along the lines of what document or subject to tackle next. But still, he never said a word of complaint.

He’d simply take the piece of paper, and begin working on it, turning to Rey if he had any questions.

Rey wasn’t even sure this was what a tutor was supposed to be doing- having the student do the work and her just correcting it. But it was the only thing she could think to do, and- as she’d explained to Leia multiple times when she’d first been hired- she wasn’t actually a tutor, had no experience with it.

But this process seemed to work fairly well for them, and they were steadily making their way through the pile of work.

Rey was starting to feel really comfortable around Ben. She’d begun asking him for a sparkling water when he’d ask her if she wanted anything else to drink. They had the flavored kinds of sparkling water, which was expensive. His whole face lit up the first time she’d requested it, like he was thrilled she was finally taking him up on the offer. It was kind of endearing. And then he’d listed off the different flavors they had- lime, black cherry, watermelon, grape, coconut.

Rey loved trying the different flavors, and sipping the drink while Ben worked. She’d alternate between the iced tea that was always there, and the sparkling water. Each week she’d try a different flavor, and they changed. Rey could only imagine how big their fridge was, since they seemed to have an infinite assortment of drinks alone.

Occasionally Ben would ask her if she wanted something to drink, but Rey felt that was too much. And it was, after all- the middle of the afternoon. Hardly the time to begin chowing down.

Rey began to feel comfortable, at home, in the little sun dappled breakfast room. She’d watch the birds outside at the feeder, while Ben worked away. The house was inordinately, blessedly silent, in the way only expensive places were. And most of the time they were completely alone, save for the occasional faint noises of workers in the background or the sight of gardeners working on the yard. Most of the time, it was just them. 

Sometimes, when Rey would correct Ben’s work, she could feel his looking at her intently, and sometimes she’d look up and give him a mischievous look. She’d kind of pointedly look at him, in a teasing way, wrinkling her nose a bit, and Ben would grin and look out the window. Message obviously received. 

Rey knew he had a little crush on her- hey, maybe it was why he was being so cooperative with the schoolwork. If that was the case, she wasn’t complaining. So far, the summer had been a breeze, and she was earning more money from this than she’d ever expected. If a tiny little crush served to grease the wheels, so to speak, than Rey was all for it.

Besides, she was used to guys having crushes on her. It had always been that way. She’d been a cute kid, and the boys in her class had always liked her, in the way they liked any cute girl. And then when they had all reached puberty, Rey knew that many of the boys in her grade thought she was pretty, and liked the fact that she was so clean cut and friendly and smart. She’d never really had to worry about going alone to dances, or feeling desperate for a guy to like her. That just hadn’t been among her list of concerns.

But the thing was, Rey hadn’t liked any of them. She wanted a guy like Harry Styles- her crush. Intellectual, sweet, educated, artistic, worldly. Not like the guys in Jakku, most of whom spent their Friday nights riding around in the back of pick up trucks, drinking and hitting up the Dairy Queen.

Total opposite of what she wanted. And because of that, Rey had never had a boyfriend.

But that was about to change, as soon as she got to school. Rey could feel it in her bones- it was all about to happen, and she was almost there. She was so close, she could taste it.

And with her extra money that she’d earned from the Solos, she actually had a little cash to buy clothes with. She was spending her free time searching online for cheap clothes that would make a new Rey- smart, sophisticated, urban. So far she’d gotten a red beret, and a tweed looking jacket from eBay. She’d bought a scarf and a black and white striped t-shirt which Rey felt was very French, like some of the New Wave films she’d watched.

It was all coming together, and by the time she arrived on campus, she wouldn’t be Rey from dusty Jakku. She was going to fit right in, on the cobblestone streets and in the coffee shops playing Tori Amos.

Until then, she was here, spending her days at the insurance company, with little blocks to head over to the Solos and help Ben. Her boss had understood, and frankly, they didn’t get much foot traffic anyway, especially not in late afternoon, so it was fine.

The tutoring sessions went along, and Rey had to admit, it was a nice send off from Jakku. She was almost enjoying herself- her last goodbye to this place, because she knew she’d never be back. And it felt very final, very solid. Like the last end to a chapter, right before a new beginning.

One day, when Rey knocked on the door, it flew open, almost immediately. Ben was beaming, almost ear to ear. “Rey!” he shouted. He opened his arms, and bent down slightly- like he was waiting for her to give him a hug.

Rey didn’t really understand what was going on, but they were friends now. She stepped into his hug, hugging him back, in a lukewarm kind of way. She didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.

“Ben!” she said. She hoped he would hear her confusion, and explain what was happening.

“I just got it back!” he said. His arms wrapped around her easily, and he actually stood up from his bent position, pulling her feet off the ground, and spun her around. Rey laughed. She’d never seen him in such a great mood.

“What did you get back?”

“The reports!” he shouted.

And then it dawned on her- they’d turned in Ben’s math and science work last week- last Friday, to be exact. Now it was exactly a week later, and they must have had time to grade them and check over everything.

“You passed?” she asked. The excitement was now in her voice too- Ben’s good mood was infectious and pervasive, seeming to stretch through his body and into hers- filling up the whole entryway.

He put down her down on the ground, now firmly inside the doorway.

“I passed,” he said. His face, again, broke into a huge smile. “I’ve officially passed 11th grade math and science- I got a B- and a B!”

Rey hadn’t expected to be this delighted or thrilled for him, but she couldn’t help the huge grin that spread over her own face. It was only a B, after all- hardly a score Rey would be excited about. 

But it clearly meant something to Ben, and she could see the little boy in him, again. Happy and proud of himself and screaming for someone else to be excited for him.

“That’s awesome!” she responded. “I’m so proud of you!”

Ben ran a hand through his dark brown hair. “I can’t believe it. I’ve never gotten a B before.”

Rey had a fleeting thought- how could anyone even continue to be in class with the grades Ben must have been getting, if a B- was the highest he’d ever scored? And then she remembered- he was a Solo- it was the same reason he was even able to turn in all this work weeks late and still pass the class. Han and Leia had a lot of power in this town, though even it seemed to be running low when it came to keeping Ben out of trouble.

“Wow,” Rey said. “Well you should feel very proud of yourself.”

Ben gave her a look, a slight grin, but there was some sarcasm in it. Like what she was saying was crazy. “You should feel very proud of you.”

“Of course not, I didn’t do anything. You did all the work.”

Once again, Ben gave her that look, tilting his head down, mouth quirking up in a smirk. “You did all of it, Rey. You’ve helped me so much.”

There was something about the way he said it that touched Rey. She knew it was stupid, and truly, all she had done was oversee work as he did it. But to hear the gratefulness and pride in his voice- well, it was awesome. She knew he’d never done well academically, and it clearly meant something to him, seeing the scores come back. She felt a little glow of pride and happiness, knowing how she’d helped him. 

And it reminded her of the sweet boy she’d always believed was in there, underneath the bad behavior. Maybe this would be a turning point for him, a pivotal moment which would reset him onto the right path.

She smiled at this thought, looking up at Ben, who was grinning down at her. His enthusiasm was infectious.

“Well.” She wasn’t sure how to respond to such praise. “I think you did it. But we do need to get back to work. I think it was that assignment on the branches of government, right?”

Ben’s face took on the most incredulous expression, as if she’d proposed going outside and hitchhiking to Canada. His mouth fell open in shock.

“Study? We can’t study on a day like this!”

Rey shifted from one hip to the other. She should have expected something like this. Of course Kylo would want any excuse not to study.

“Kylo, we have to study. We still have to get through math, science and Spanish.”

Spanish was going to be a challenge because Rey didn’t even speak Spanish which, again, she’d explained to Leia. But she did know how to look things up on Google translate and she was hoping her knowledge of French would translate over into another romance language. That was going to be fun.

“Yeah, and we’re ahead of schedule! It’s only been a month and we’ve knocked out history and English! We’re gonna be finished in like a month and a half!”

Rey couldn’t deny this. It was actually something she’d already thought of herself, the schedule they were on. She had begun to be dependent on the money she was getting from this assignment. When Leia had first approached her with the idea to tutor Kylo, that amount of money had seemed like a kind of vague idea. She was already earning money at the insurance company, and while more would have been nice, she’d seriously blanched at the idea of tutoring Kylo, and debated whether it was worth it. Now that she’d spent a month with him, she could tell that it really wasn’t bad- it was much more pleasant than her dull work at the insurance company, in fact. It was actually kind of nice, coming to work in this beautiful house and lightly supervising Kylo. 

And, most importantly, the money was incredible. $150 twice a week. For two hours of work! 

It was more than she made at her other job for the entire work, which she worked at part time, 6 hours a day twice a week, and then 4 hours a day on the two days where she left early to see Kylo.

She couldn’t give that up, and part of her had wondered if she should slow things down, just tamp down the pace a little bit. So that she could continue getting paid until she left for school, rather than at the end of July. It was mid-June now, and Kylo would finish the work all the same. It would just be a timing issue.

Still, Kylo didn’t have to know that she was thinking of that. She blushed at the idea of him realizing what she was thinking, that she needed the money, or that she would consider slowing things down so she could get more money. It was kind of awful, in a way. She was pretty sure that he trusted her.

“We really shouldn’t,” she said. “Your parents pay me to help you.”

Kylo shook his head. “They wouldn’t have to know!”

Rey let out a sigh. “Kylo...”

“Rey!” Ben bent down, placing his hands on her arms in a gentle hold. “I finally passed two classes, and I got the best grades I ever have. Please, just let me have this.”

With Ben bending down right in front of her, his face much closer to hers, his eyes pleading- suddenly Rey saw the need in him. She saw how much he wanted this, needed this. 

Once again, he didn’t look like “bad boy” Kylo, but like the sweet kid that she knew was underneath it. He looked desperate, and vulnerable, and like he was hiding back his happiness and excitement by a thread, for her. She didn’t want to make him do that.

If anything, she should be encouraging him. Maybe she should have brought some kind of reward for him anyway- like a tiny cake, or some skateboard decals- something teenage boys liked, to when he’d finished the assignments in the first place. Weren’t tutors and teachers supposed to set up rewards, to encourage good behavior? Like Pavlov’s dog, or something.

Rey looked down at the floor, thinking. It was hard to really think straight, with Kylo’s face, so needy, right in front of hers.

“All right,” she said. 

“Yes!” Kylo immediately jumped into air, punching his fist up excitedly. “Awesome, Rey! And I’m not gonna tell my mom about it, so you’ll get paid either way.”

Rey said nothing, offering up a tight smile. To be honest, she felt embarrassed to take the money. It was like she was a scammer, taking advantage of the trust of the Solos.

But she needed it, and she believed Kylo when he said he wouldn’t tell. After all, money was nothing to him. It cost more than that to stock the Solos’ drinks in the refrigerator, she was sure of that, from the huge variety they had. It was like monopoly money, to Ben- he never had to think or worry about cost.

Rey wondered, for a brief moment, if she could leave early. After all, Ben just wanted a reward day. Surely, just a day off from work would qualify. She wondered if he would even want to spend time with her- she could guarantee that his friends from school, the ones he hung out with, getting into trouble downtown, were a lot more interesting than she was.

“Okay, what should we do?” Ben asked. “Do you wanna go out to the pool?”

Rey realized that Ben did indeed want her to stay. Well, it was his money, and his hour. She supposed she could spend an hour hanging out with him, even if it was a bit weird, to be paid to spend time with someone you didn’t really know that well- and just...hang.

“I don’t have a swimsuit,” Rey shrugged.

Kylo grabbed her by the hand, and tugged her through the house. They walked down the long hallway that went around the stairs, and walked all the way to the back of the house. There, and Rey remembered these from her childhood, was a large set of glass double doors, beyond which you could see the pool.

It was a gorgeous pool- set in the ground in a perfect rectangle, with smooth stones set around the edge. 

On one side was a group of tables and chairs and chaise lounges, with a few yellow and white striped sun umbrellas shading most the area.

It was beautiful, and looked incredibly tempting, on this mid-June day. The sun was shining, and Rey could hear the chirps of birds. The sky had a few lazy, billowing clouds drifting across it. A couple hundred feet in front of the pool was the lake, surrounded by the deep green forest.

It made for a stunning view- spread out in front of the house, a scene from a movie or even a fairy tale.

“My mom always keep some extra swimsuit for my cousin when she visits,” Kylo said, breaking into her reverie. “She’s about your size, and I don’t even think she’s worn some of em. They’re brand new.”

Rey thought about this. She hated wearing other people’s swimsuits. She’d had to, a couple of times, with friends and at sleepovers and such. And it always grossed her out.

But these would be brand new- never worn before. And it was just like Leia to think of something like this, to have everything so perfect.

For a brief moment, Rey wondered what it would be like to be Kylo’s cousin. Was she just as rich as the Solos? Or would coming here be like a strange dream, like it was for Rey?

“Are you sure they’ve never been worn?” Rey asked, looking up at Kylo.

Kylo nodded. 

“How old is she?” She didn’t even know why she asked that question- it wasn’t relevant. It had just popped into her head, from nowhere. She supposed it was relevant to the issue of fit or sizing, somehow.

Kylo scratched his, and looked off into space like he was wracking his brain. “Um… 23, I think?”

Rey nodded. It didn’t matter anyway.

She looked out at the perfect tableaux in front of her. How could she pass this up? Even looking out on such a perfect scene, Rey wondered if she’d ever be able to spend the day laying out by a pool as perfect as this.

Hopefully, one day, when she became a lawyer and had earned a lot of money.

But that wouldn’t be for a while. And she wouldn’t be 20 when she did it.

“Okay,” she said.

Kylo grinned. “Awesome! So lemme show you the room where she keeps em.”

He started to walk up the stairs, dropping Rey’s hand in the process. Rey followed behind.

“She keeps them in the guest bedroom, where she usually stays.”

“Does she come by often?” Rey asked. She knew if she had any kind of relatives who lived like this, she’d come by every weekend. In fact, she’d practically move in.

Kylo shrugged. “Not too much, probably...” he trailed off. “Every six months.”

Rey nodded. So her family was rich too. Probably all the Solos were. That tended to be how these things worked, with families with a lot of money. Everyone had some.

Ben headed down the hallway at the top of the stairs, until he reached a room that was done all in yellows, from the wallpaper to the bedspreads to the curtains. It was done in that “rich person” style, with everything looking perfect and expensive and overly cutesy. There were two twins beds, instead of one big one, and they were both topped with some kind of deep yellow silk that bunched up and connected to the ceiling. Kind of like a canopy, but only at the top of the bed.

Again, weird rich people things.

Although it was beautiful, and Rey couldn’t deny that. It was stunning, actually.

“I think my mom keeps the stuff in the top drawer,” Kylo said. He gestured out to the chest of drawers, looking somewhat baffled. “But not totally sure.”

Rey nodded. “Okay, thanks.” 

Kylo went to turn around.

“Oh hey- do you have any sunscreen?” Rey blurted out.

Kylo’s mouth quirked up in a smile, as if he found her responsibility cute. “Uh, yeah. Lemme get some.”

He disappeared down the hall. Rey looked around at the beautiful room, feeling her nervousness tick up. It was lovely and beautiful- but why was she doing this?

He returned a minute later, with a large tube of some expensive looking mineral sunscreen. The label was in French, with a large decal of sun artwork on it. 

“Here it is,” he said, placing it down on the chest of drawers.

He gave her a tight smile. “Okay. Well, lemme know if you need me. I’m gonna go out there and start playing around.”

With that, he stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. 

Rey waited for a few moments, until Kylo would have been at the end of the hall, and then locked the door.

She just wanted to be safe, since she was changing.

In her head, she could hear a drumbeat of Why are you doing this, and This is crazy but she didn’t listen.

Maybe it was time, for her to do something crazy, for once. And as far as “crazy” went, this hardly qualified- spending an hour of a sunny afternoon sunbathing and swimming in a nice pool.

Actually, it was now 5 minutes after the hour, since she’d arrived a little early to the tutoring session. Which meant a 55 minute swim. Again, hardly something that you would call the cops for.

And yet, she was doing something wrong, she knew that. She was lying to Leia about studying with Ben.

But it was for him, that she was doing it. It was because Ben was so excited and thrilled and so childlike and sweet when he’d asked her to celebrate with him.

And then… the beautiful pool and lake had turned it into this swimming thing.

Anyway. Rey had agreed to do it and she would. And frankly, she was excited and thrilled to get to spend some time swimming around in a pool that looked like something out of a movie.

She walked over to the bureau, opening the top drawer. Sure enough, there was a selection of bikini tops and bottoms.

Rey rifled around in them, looking for a one piece. She was sure Leia would include a one piece, right? Because it was her niece, and one-pieces were, obviously, much more conservative and even more comfortable. Rey actually preferred to wear them, in general- and certainly in front of Ben. She’d seen the way Ben looked at her, and she knew he had a little crush. A one piece would be good- better if she could find a sarong or a pair of swim shorts. Just to be safe.

But there were no one pieces to be found- no sarongs either.

Each bikini was done in the same style- string bikinis, the ones that tied behind the back and at the sides. They were all in different styles of black, which Rey found kind of odd. They had different designs on them- one was shot with contrasting grey lines, but it was still very dark. Another had little black embroidery on it, that you could barely notice unless you got close enough and saw the black thread sticking up a bit. Another was plain black, and one was black with dark grey polka dots. The last one was kind of crocheted, in black, again- it looked like it had been knitted. And it was skimpier and more revealing than the others, by nature of the little holes that crocheting contained. 

Not a lot of selection then. And they were all unworn- none of them had been used by Ben’s cousin. 

Rey supposed when you had that much money, you could probably just throw away the bathing suits you’d already worn.

Rey opened the other drawers, looking for more swimsuits- perhaps she’d separated them by color? Or by bikinis vs one pieces? But they were all empty.

Okay… Ben’s cousin must wear only black, which seemed to be a family trait, Rey thought. Ben actually often wore plain white tshirts, but that was the only pop of color. Other than his jeans, his clothes were normally black, from his leather jacket to his shirts.

A Solo family wide preference, it seemed, given his cousin’s bathing suits.

She ultimately grabbed the plain black swimsuit. It was now ten minutes after the hour, and she didn’t want to waste time.

She slid out of her jeans, and pulled off her tshirt, then underwear and bra. And she ripped off the price tag from the bathing suit- it was $30 for the bottoms and $40 for the top- for a plain black swimsuit. Crazy. Rey usually got hers from Walmart for $15 for a one piece.

Rey tied the swimsuit on. It fit well- even more so since she could tie it into place. 

She looked in the mirror above the bureau, taking herself in. She felt vulnerable, as she always did, in a bathing suit, in front of a guy. But it wasn’t too skimpy, and it was just a normal bikini, really. Like any girl would wear. And it was just Kylo.

She rubbed the sunscreen all over herself, stretching to get to her upper back, but she thought she got it all. She definitely didn’t want to ask Kylo to get the extra areas- that would just be weird. So this would have to do.

Rey walked back down the stairs, over to the double doors. She could hear music blasting- a kind of fun, poppy electronic song was playing. Kylo was standing at the edge of the pool, his back to it, soaking wet. 

“Rey!” he shouted. Then he did a backflip into the pool, spraying water everywhere as he landed into the water.

Rey laughed, moving her clothes to the side in a futile effort to shield them from the water. She’d thought about leaving them in the room, but she’d ultimately decided to bring them down to the water. Because she felt more comfortable having her stuff close to her and, more compellingly, so that she could use the clothes as a kind of shield, blocking her body with them. She just really wasn’t used to wearing a bikini, especially around a guy, one on one.

“Come on in,” Kylo shouted. “The water is warm!”

Rey walked her clothes to the chaise lounge closest the house, taking a breath as she set them down.

Then she turned around, and walked hurriedly to the water. She had the urge to jump in, immerse herself completely, so that she wouldn’t be “on display” in her bikini.

But she wanted to test the water first, and make sure it wasn’t freezing. And also, she would look crazy if she acted so uncomfortable- Rey was trying to seem cool, comfortable. She was, after all, the “adult” in the situation.

She walked over to the edge of the pool, dipping her toe down into the water. It was, in fact, warm. Rey wondered if it was heated. Probably, because the day wasn’t really hot enough to make the water feel so perfect.

She pulled her hair back, using the hair tie on her wrist to tie it into a ponytail. And then she walked to the steps on the side of the pool, walking down into the water.

When she looked up at Kylo, he was watching her. His face instantly broke into a huge grin.

“I told you it was warm!” he said. His voice was friendly and playful.

Rey scrunched one eye up, like he was skeptical of him. “I had to test it myself,” she joked.

Kylo laughed, then dove underwater, popping up in front of her. 

“You wanna play some games?”

Rey quirked her mouth to the side. “What kind of games?”

“Keep away!” Ben shouted. 

He brought his hand up from the water, and he was holding what appeared to be a boomerang. It was neon colored, bright pink.

He held it in front of his body, across from her. 

“Bet you can’t get it.”

The boomerang was so close, and even though Rey knew this was the game, she couldn’t help the spark of competition that rose up in her. She grasped for the boomerang, but Kylo was too fast, wrenching it out of the way and over his head.

Rey couldn’t help herself, she reached over her head, grabbing for the boomerang, but of course, Kylo was way too tall.

She jumped up again, using her hand to brace against Kylo’s arm, not even thinking about the fact that he was shirtless. She hoisted herself up, and reached blindly with her other arm for the boomerang, but Kylo lifted it easily to the side.

As Rey shot back down into the water, the side of her body had grazed Kylo’s arm. She suddenly felt self conscious- here she was, in a bikini, and Kylo was in a pair of swim trunks, shirtless- and she knew he had a crush on her. She could just tell.

She landed back in the pool, and was about to tell Kylo, she couldn’t play that game, because she was afraid of brushing against his body again, although she wouldn’t tell him the reason. But then Kylo shot the boomerang across the pool, into the water at the other side, and took off, swimming after it.

Before Rey could help herself, she was swimming as hard as she could to the other edge of the pool, trying to outrace Kylo. Which was mostly futile, with his huge body and powerful strokes.

But when he got to it, he threw it quickly, again, and this time it was close to Rey, and she was able to grab it.

And she held it, behind her back, away from Kylo, trying to decide where to throw it next. And he hovered in front of her, and Rey was afraid that he was going to reach out and grab it, and they would have another embarrassing incident, where he brushed against her, so she held out her hand, pointing it at him.

“Stay away,” she said, in her most stern, tutor voice.

And Kylo had grinned at her, and dutifully waited, before she suddenly through it to the other corner of the pool and they raced for it.

This went on for several minutes, and when they finally finished, the boomerang having flown out of the pool and down the lawn, halfway to the lake, they were both laughing, and Rey was out of breath.

Kylo hadn’t tried to brush against her or come into contact with her in any way, not since that first play with the boomerang. And Rey found herself questioning why she didn’t trust him. She felt a pang of guilt- Kylo was like a little kid, and yet she was always expecting the worst from him.

A bit like everyone, she supposed. He had a bad rep in Jakku, and it was a small and judgmental place. Lots of gossip and rumors, and not much of it was fair.

But she was as bad as them, she thought. She kept expecting him to- she didn’t know- grab her or something. And all Kylo was doing was trying to have some fun.

“You want something to drink?” Kylo asked. He was hoisting himself out of the pool, and began walking to the kitchen area, which had a door that opened to the outdoors.

“Um, sure,” Rey called back. “What do you have?”

Kylo ducked inside the kitchen, and then emerged, holding up a blender jar that was filled with a light green colored slush.

“Margaritas!” He had a mischievous grin on his face.

“Kylo!” Rey shouted. She said his name in a playfully scolding manner.

Seriously, what was he thinking? Why would she allow him to drink alcohol? He was 17.

“C’mon, Marisol made this,” he said. He walked back into the house, and came back holding two margarita glasses in his other hand. “She makes the margaritas.”

Rey felt her mouth fall open a bit. “She makes you margaritas? With alcohol?”

“With alcohol,” Kylo imitated her, making his voice sound high pitched and prissy. “Of course with alcohol. C’mon, Rey- aren’t you the one going off to college soon? You can’t be acting so scared of a drink.”

Rey blushed. Kylo was right. She’d drunk a little at parties, sometimes even gotten drunk, in high school. But that had been a while ago. Honestly, since she’d been at the local state school, she’d barely taken part in the social scene. And she rarely got invited to parties in Jakku anymore- everyone else seemed to get together, if social media was any indication. She was aware that her constant demurring of alcohol or any kind of “party favor” drugs, and showing up to parties and staying stone cold sober, made her stick out in Jakku. She was hardly the kind of “party animal” that seemed to be popular in this town.

And she was well aware that, if she kept this up at her new school, the same thing would probably happen there. It had been one thing when she was in high school, and everyone was in their mid teens, to be turning down alcohol and acting responsible. But at college, it seemed like the wheels came off, and everyone was as raucous and wild as they possibly could be. 

She had wondered, more than once, if it made her a “loser”. She had never felt like one, and certainly not gotten that designation in high school. She was well liked and popular. But she couldn’t deny that the party invites had dwindled, and she didn’t have half the experiences that most people who went to college did, with wild toga parties and all-nighters. Part of that was because she went to the local state school and lived at home, rather than in the dorms. But she also knew part of that was her choice, and her doing, by refusing to engage in the party culture.

And a big part of her feared that that would happen again, at her new school. Only this time, it would be at a place she loved and respected, and would be so much more painful.

Rey realized she had been lost in thought, staring out at the woods. “Your parents know about this?” 

Kylo scoffed. “Of course, how else do you think I get Marisol to make it for me? They don’t care.” He shrugged. “They’d rather have me drink here, where it’s safe, instead of in downtown Jakku or somewhere.”

That made sense. Lord knew that Kylo would be drinking anywhere. He had a reputation for it in Jakku, and also for getting drunk and belligerent and rude to the cops. Apparently the last time time he’d thrown a wadded up ball of cash at them, even. Which was a real insult, because everyone knew it was exactly the Solos’ money and power that kept getting him out of trouble for the drinking, without even a mark on his record for the many incidences.

Jakku was so corrupt and shitty, Rey thought.

She looked out over the lake. It was really beautiful- the fat, puffy clouds drifting by, idly. The beautiful expanse of lush green lawn, surrounded by flowers. The deep woods that bordered them, dark and wild. All of that rising up to meet this gorgeous, turoquise pool. It was like something from a movie. Light purple hydrangeas surrounded the Solos’ massive and gorgeous house, and Rey seriously felt like it could have been from a book or a fairytale.

Or like a scene from one of the Youtube videos she’d put up for white noise while she studied, to block out the constant noises in her neighborhood. They were computer designed, usually set to rain sounds or other white noise, and pictures of beautiful rooms or settings, like “Library in an old mansion with rain and thunder noise”. She’d sometimes pull that up on her laptop, while she went over homework, and she’d stare at the scenes, imagining she was in them, imagining she lived somewhere so beautiful.

And now, it was like she was there. This really was that fantastical and magical- at least to someone who was used to living in a run down dump, like she was.

And besides, she knew Kylo wouldn’t tell. She could believe that Leia and Han would give him a free pass to drink. Once again, she felt sorry for him. She hadn’t had much in the way of parents, but somehow she’d had her head on straight. Kylo had endless time and money to self destruct, and it seemed his parents just allowed it.

But whatever. That was too heavy for today.

She could relax, and have a margarita, with Kylo. She deserved it, in a way. She was almost out of Jakku, and this could be her last hurrah.

“I’m- okay,” she said. 

Kylo’s face broke into a grin.

“But just one!” she said. “I have to drive back. I’ll just sip at it.”

She knew they hadn’t been playing in the water too long- maybe 15 or 20 minutes. Although it almost seemed longer, because that was a long to spend paddling around the pool wildly, racing against someone as big and fast as Kylo.

“I’ll get you an Uber,” Kylo shrugged, pouring the green liquid into the margarita glass. “It’s no big deal.”

Rey blanched at this. It was kind of sad that Kylo knew she was broke, that an Uber would make her deliberate so hard. To him, it was nothing. Not even worth thinking about. 

But that was what she hated about Jakku- how everyone knew everything.

Still- it gave her a warm feeling of reassurance, to know that, if she needed it, Kylo would indeed pay for an Uber. He really was a nice person.

Kylo walked to the side of the pool and bent down, holding the margarita out. Rey swam over and clasped the corner of the pool, grabbing the glass.

“Tell me how you like it,” he said. He was holding his own margarita in his other hand, and he took a big sip from it.

Rey tentatively brought it to her lips, sipping at it. It was tart and sweet and delicious, and you could barely taste the alcohol. Of course, the Solos would have the very best blender, whatever that one was that cost $700, because the margarita was finely blended and smooth, the tiny little ice particles all blending into each other.

“It’s really good!” 

Kylo grinned. “Yes! It’s gets the Rey stamp of approval!”

Rey laughed at this. 

Kylo walked over the stairs of the pool, and began walking down into the water, sipping at his margarita the whole time.

This surely had to be the life, Rey thought. Sipping margaritas and looking out onto this view. Rey didn’t understand how Kylo was always in trouble, when he could just stay at home and be around this luxury and splendor.

Kylo was already halfway through his drink, and he gave her a look, as if to ask what the hold up was.

Rey took another sip- this time a longer one. It was really good- maybe the best margarita she’d ever had, not that she’d had that many.

A sudden thought and panic occurred to her- Kylo might not tell anyone about them drinking, but what if one of the workers did?

“Kylo, where- where is Marisol? And the-” Rey wasn’t sure how to phrase it. “Others?”

Kylo furrowed his brow, like he wasn’t sure what she was talking about. “Oh, I told them to go home early today. I mean it’s Friday.”

“So no one’s here?” Rey asked. She suddenly felt very concerned about his answer. What if a gardener or maid looked out the window, and reported to Leia about her not working with him, and goofing off in the pool? Leia wasn’t the angry type, but surely she wouldn’t be happy about it. She might even cancel the tutoring.

Kylo smiled at her. A slow, lazy smile, as if he was amused by her. “No one’s here. Just us.”

Rey felt relief shoot through her. 

“Okay. I just don’t want- Marisol, or whoever- you know, getting us in trouble.”

She let out a little laugh, and she could tell that the alcohol was already starting to hit her. Not hard, but enough to wear she could feel it- that slight edge being taken off, just beginning. She didn’t drink often, so of course, even a few sips of a margarita would affect her.

“Yeah, no need to worry about that,” Kylo said. “We’re good.”

He downed the rest of his margarita, and Rey took another sip of hers, enjoying the view and the feel of sunshine on her face. She put on SPF every morning, although the thought occurred to her that she should put some on her body as well. In a minute… she was enjoying the moment too much.

Kylo had gotten out of the pool, and he was now walking towards her with the boomerang. “Alright,” he called to her. “Next round!”

Rey raised her eyebrows in assent, and swam to the side of the pool, placing her margarita on the stone.

“Uh-uh,” Kylo said, walking into the pool. “You gotta finish it!”

“Kylo!” Rey used her playfully scolding voice. 

“C’mon Rey,” Kylo said, walking over to stand in front of her. He held the boomerang high above her head, as if taunting her with it. “It’s not fair if I’ve finished my drink and you’re sober.”

Kylo had a point. She wasn’t quite sober, but he had finished his drink easily whereas she still had more than half to go. He was much bigger than her, of course, and much more used to drinking- but still. It was the fair thing to do.

Besides, it was probably better to finish the drink now, so the effects would have time to wear off before she got in the car. She knew one drink was within the legal limit, but it was better to be safe than sorry- to wait a little bit while the alcohol was metabolized.

“Fine,” she said, tipping the glass back. She downed the rest of it, pausing a couple of times because of the coldness of the drink. She wasn’t really used to “chugging” and a margarita this good hardly seemed like the kind of cheap, bad tasting stuff that college students usually did keg stands with. 

But she finished, and held up her glass triumphantly, right in front of Kylo’s face. The alcohol was already making her a little feistier than usual, and Kylo seemed to realize this, and laughed. 

“Finally,” he said. “Took you long enough.”

Rey bristled at this. She knew it was a joke, but still… she was sick of being the goody two shoes. She wasn’t even a goody two shoes- she wasn’t a nerd, she’d never asked the teacher for more homework or ratted anyone out or anything. She just didn’t like to get drunk, and she was working hard to get a better future. There was a big difference. She didn’t have a choice about how hard she worked- it was her only option, not like Kylo, who could laze around all day and still have a perfectly fine future. Who could buy his way into college, probably.

But still, she knew that, for all the logic of this, kids at college would probably feel the same way. Wonder why someone who was 20 years old was still not that familiar with the different shot names or alcohols, why she’d never smoked weed and would leave parties early. She didn’t want to do that…didn’t want to have that rep, at her new school, where everyone would be sophisticated and from old East Coast legacy families and probably smoke French cigarettes.

She bristled at the thought, and shot up into the air, stretching to try to grab the boomerang. This time, she didn’t use Kylo as leverage, but the side of the pool, using it to push herself up further with her other arm.

Still, she was no match for him, and in the moment, Kylo had whipped the boomerang over to the side of the pool, and they both set off in a mad dash to get it.

Rey wondered, sometimes, if Kylo was going easier on her, because he always seemed to fling it to her side of the pool, and she was sure that, as fast as he was, he could move even faster, if he wanted to.

Just the size of his muscles, which Rey was noticing now, as they were somewhat unavoidable, with his shirt off, and moving around to throw the boomerang this way and that. They were pretty large- he had a six pack and huge biceps. It was actually kind of intimidating, and at one point, as Rey swum behind Kylo, racing him to the end of the pool, after the boomerang, she realized that it was kind of absurd, her trying to compete with someone who looked like that, physically.

And then Rey reminded herself that she was Kylo’s tutor and Kylo was 17 and she shouldn’t even notice anything about him like that- it was inappropriate, plain and simple.

And so, whether Kylo was pretending or not, they played for the next half hour, the boomerang whipping from one side of the pool to the next, occasionally getting thrown onto the lawn which would cause a mad dash of jostling to the stairs or one person hoisting themselves out of the side of the pool.

And she could feel the alcohol slowly seeping into her brain, easing everything there, making her feel liquid and silken. Making her laugh much more loudly with every pratfall that Kylo made, like when he slipped on the grass, or when he swallowed water and ended up coughing for a full minute.

Kylo seemed to be feeling happier too, and he had a kind of soft grin that played over his face. 

It was nice, and Rey felt herself feeling little bursts of happiness. This was bliss, and she felt safe and happy and young and free.

Finally, she was out of breath and held up her hand to Kylo to stop. He was barely winded, but he agreed easily, hopping out of the pool to sit on the side of it.

“I think I won,” Rey said. She was half teasing, because no one in their right mind, who was keeping track of who’d gotten to the boomerang faster each time, would have said she was the victor. Kylo was simply too fast.

But, on the other hand, she did feel like she deserved some kind of participation points for even getting the boomerang as many times as she did. She’d held her own, and Kylo was a big, strong guy. Surely that counted for something?

Kylo scoffed. “In your dreams, Rey.” He playfully kicked a bit of water in her direction, and she splashed back.

Then got up, and walked over to the side of the pool that had the tables and chaise lounges. He picked up his own glass as he walked past it, then Rey’s, on her side of the pool, and walked to the table, where the blender pitcher was still laying.

“Oh no,” Rey said. “No, I shouldn’t drink anymore.”

“Come on Rey,” Kylo said, pouring the margarita mix into both their glasses. “It’s just one more.”

Rey shook her head. “And- what time is it anyway? I’m sure it’s been an hour, already. I should probably go.” 

She started walking to the side of the pool, since she was already in the shallow end, when Kylo turned around, staring at her. His eyes looked blank and sad.

“Were you just hanging out with me because my mom paid you?”

Rey blanched at this, her eyes widening. It was a horrible accusation- or at least it made her feel horrible. She could see the hurt in Kylo’s eyes. And all she wanted to do was assure him that it was otherwise.

“No!” she said. “It’s just...” She swallowed, thinking. “I have other stuff I have to do.”

“Like what?” Kylo asked. Again, his expression was sad and downcast. “I know you don’t have to work now.”

Rey wondered, for a moment, how Kylo knew that. She had never told him about working at the insurance agency- for all he knew she could have worked at a restaurant or something. 

But Jakku was a small town, and she was used to everyone knowing everything, things that were none of their business.

“I, um, I have to study,” she said. 

Kylo scoffed at this. “Rey, it’s Friday night”. He said it like she’d said the most absurd thing on the planet- as if even the idea of someone studying on a Friday night was an impossibility, a laughable joke. Which, Rey supposed, in Kylo’s world, it was.

And, truth be told, even in her world- she could hear how lame it sounded. Even she didn’t study on Friday nights. That, lately, had been the night reserved for watching Netflix movies and online shopping for her new dorm room, which was exactly what she’d been planning to do that night.

“I know, but I...” her words trailed off. She didn’t, actually, really have a rebuttal for that. She didn’t want to tell Kylo that she was indeed going to lay in bed and do nothing. It was almost embarrassing. And somewhat insulting for him, she realized. Sorry, I can’t hang out with you in your stunning and massive pool at your mansion, having fun. I have to run home and lay in bed alone which is way more fun than being with you.

She glanced over at Kylo, and he was staring at her, his expression sad and morose. Rey felt a frisson of danger rise in her- this was the Kylo that she’d heard about, that was always getting into so much trouble in Jakku. The wounded, hurt, sad little boy- she could see it in his eyes.

And she’d caused it- it was her fault. She was the one who was leaving him. And he was legitimately right- as much as she had a right to do it, she was, after all, leaving him to go sit alone and watch Netflix, which was a pretty huge diss to him. 

“I can’t have any more, I couldn’t drive home,” she shook her head in an apologetic way, gripping the side of the pool, her head just at ground level.

“I can get you an Uber,” Kylo shrugged. “I’ll get you one tonight and I can get you one tomorrow, if you need to get your car back. Or I can drive it back to you. Or you can crash in one of the guest bedrooms, if you really want.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Rey thought about this. Ubers, out here in Jakku, which was a relatively small city, and especially at the Solos’ place, which was deep into the woods and fairly far away from anything else, would be expensive. It kind of said a lot that he was willing to pay for them- Rey thought of his parents, always abandoning him, never there. 

She wondered, for a moment, if she left, if Kylo would get into trouble. Probably. He had that panicked edge to him, the sense of hurt that she could feel emanating from him. She could only imagine him, driving drunk into town, getting into a fight with his group of horrible, troublemaking friends. And it would be her fault. She could even get blamed for it, if Kylo got into trouble and came clean about how he came to be so drunk and upset.

All the thoughts swirled together in her mind, a kind of eddy of anxiety forming. They all coalesced together into a little whirlpool- she should stay. She could have another drink with Kylo, so that he didn’t feel abandoned, so that nothing worse happened.

She could see the way his brows were drawn together, as he watched her, waiting with baited breath for her response. He looked, again, like a little kid.

She couldn’t abandon him- wouldn’t abandon him- like all the others. 

And in fact, if she was honest, she was having fun too. There was no real need for her to leave. When she thought about it, watching Netlix at home and eating a can of microwaved soup, didn’t seem that appealing.

She wondered, for a brief and mischievous moment, if Kylo would be willing to order a pizza. He had so much money, and took no stock of it. And she was watching her money so tightly, saving everything she got, that she never indulged in luxuries like take out food or restaurants. A pizza would be amazing. And Kylo probably wouldn’t even notice the cost.

She looked up at him, and gave him a small smile. “Okay, I’ll stay.”

Kylo’s face broke into a huge grin of pure relief. 

“Awesome!” he shouted.

He brought her over the margarita, placing it down next to her on the stone tile.

She reached her hand out of the water to take it, and then Kylo lifted his glass to hers. “Cheers,” he said. “To the best summer ever.”

Rey laughed. It was amazing. He could go from such a raincloud of gloom and doom to an absolute ray of sunshine, at lightspeed. She raised her glass up to toast him back. “Best summer and to being all caught up with schoolwork.” She raised her eyebrows meaningfully at him, and Kylo laughed, and they both took sips of the margarita.

It was really good. Tart and sweet and just exactly what you hoped a margarita would taste like.

And Rey was pretty sure they were strong, from how tipsy she already was.

But, as Kylo had said, she could have as much as she wanted, and Kylo would call an Uber for her, would take care of it all for her. It was a nice feeling, knowing that she didn’t have to worry about it. Knowing that she could sink into the day, enjoying her margarita, feeling the alcohol begin to seep into her. Birds chirped in the background, and the lake rippled with a slight wind. The trees blew lazily in the air, and it literally looked like Rey’s idea of heaven.

Kylo was sipping his drink, climbing back down into the pool.

Rey took a few more sips, polishing off half the glass, and then she reclined onto her back, floating in the water. She had to kick her hands a bit, to stabilize herself, but then her body seemed to adjust to the water, and she floated on top, lazily paddling herself around, and staring up at the clouds. 

It was beautiful, and Rey had to admit, she felt more relaxed than she ever had, or at least than she had in a long while. She didn’t know how long she floated for- a few minutes- long enough to see the clouds drift slowly across the sky.

When she finally came up, pushing her legs back down in the pool, she saw that Kylo had been watching her. He was sitting on the side of the pool, and his margarita glass was empty.

When she looked at him, he seemed to realize he’d been staring, and he gave her a lopsided grin.

“You want a refill?” He held up his empty glass. “I’m gonna get one.”

Rey shook her head, but Kylo topped her drink off anyway. “You gotta catch up with me,” he said, pouring the green liquid so it reached the top of her glass.

“I’m not as big as you.”

Kylo playfully eyeballed her, looking over her form as if appraising her. “I dunno, I thought you beat me with the boomerang. Shouldn’t you be a better drinker too?”

Rey laughed. They both knew she didn’t beat him in the boomerang game, but she wasn’t about to admit it. Actually, Kylo’s words roused her competitive spirit again, and she gulped down half of her drink. She could already feel the alcohol creeping up on her- she was getting close to being actually drunk.

“I- can we order a pizza?” Rey blurted. 

Kylo turned to her, looking surprised. “Oh- yeah. I should mention- Marisol made us food too. It’s in the kitchen.”

Rey was surprised by this. “She made us food?”

Kylo nodded and shrugged, looking down into the pool. “I mean, I told her that I might have some people over. She loves to make food for me, so she didn’t mind.”

He looked almost embarrassed, and Rey wondered, again, if he was lonely. It seemed like he’d really been looking forward to her coming over. Not that he’d done any of the cooking, or work. But still, having this food prepared in advance… 

He known for being the ringleader of his little group of deviants, running around and causing trouble. Certainly no one would cast him as the outcast at Jakku High- actually, in many ways, and Rey knew this from graduating just a few years later- Kylo had a little tribe of sycophants that would do anything to hang out with him. They thought his drinking and lighting trashcans on fire and arguing with cops was cool.

But Rey thought of his reaction earlier, when he’d been so sad about her wanting to leave, and now this. It seemed like he didn’t really have people over that often, or he’d been extra excited for her to stay and hang out with him, even asking Marisol to make them these drinks and now the food.

She wondered if Kylo was lonely, like she was. Or maybe even more so. Sometimes, even if you had people around you, you could still feel all alone. She felt another pang of sadness for Kylo in her heart.

“Oh, okay,” Rey said. “That sounds good.” She hoisted herself out of the pool, and walked into the kitchen.

When she’d first gotten into the pool, she’d felt self conscious and embarrassed, in her swimsuit, angling her clothes in front of her body and keeping herself submerged in the pool at all times, so that she was mostly hidden. But she suddenly found herself not caring, the delicious sludge of the alcohol blurring out any self consciousness she would usually have about wearing a bikini in front of a man.

She walked to the kitchen, and looked through the door to see the center island laden with food. First of all, the kitchen was massive, with huge windows looking out onto the pool and lake, and surrounding woods. The kitchen counters were white marble, with two large, industrial sized stainless steel refrigerators. That must be where all those drinks are kept, Rey thought.

On the center kitchen island, also topped in marble and several feet wide, was an array of party and finger foods. It was all stuff that would be suitable for a group of teenage boys- no thought seemed to have been given towards calorie counts. And why would they, Rey thought, with a guy the size of Kylo. Surely that wasn’t something he had to worry or even think about.

There was a huge, glass bowl of what appeared to be five layer dip- a layer of beans, then guacamole, salsa, sour cream, cheese, and topped with a mixture of olives and shredded lettuce. Next to that was a big bowl of chips, and there were a few different varieties. Rey recognized a bowl of Doritos, as well as Cheetos and potato chips, and of course tortilla chips. There were little pastry puff things, topped with the tops of asparagus spears and brie cheese. 

There was a lovely looking charcuterie board, with an assortment of meats, cheeses, olives, and honey and jam, on a beautiful marble serving board. There was a bowl of fruit salad, in an expensive looking Portugese style bowl. That appeared to be the healthiest option. There was also a tray of spring rolls, with some kind of dipping sauce on the side. There were crackers with some kind of cheese smeared on them and topped with smoked salmon and capers. And then there were these mini fruit tart things.

It all looked incredible. Rey could barely believe it. This was what qualified as a party snack for a few of Kylo’s friends? She’d hate to see what would happen if he told Marisol that he was having a large party!

She turned around, giving Kylo a quizzical glance. “There’s so much food!”

Kylo shrugged, looking nonplussed. “We can still order a pizza if you want- or we can eat this stuff. Usually Marisol makes it taste pretty good.”

Rey had to hold in a laugh. Kylo was so strange- or his world was so strange. This was a better spread than her family had at Christmas and it was just another summer afternoon for him.

“No, that’s fine. Oh my gosh, this is more than enough.” Rey stepped into the house, heading straight for the charcuterie board. She could feel the “drunchies” setting in- that hunger you got when you had a few drinks. And she hadn’t eaten since her sad, wilted salad lunch that she’d brought into work.

She pulled a few slices of salami and a couple of pieces of a hard cheese from the board- they were amazing. She felt like she was the king at some feast from a history book- she could choose from whatever she wanted. Next she took one of the asparagus pastry things- incredible. And finally a fruit tart, which was sweet and delicious. She decided to back out to see what Kylo was up to- he hadn’t come in to eat anything. And she didn’t want to get too full, since they were swimming and everything.

She walked back outside and Kylo was on his phone, texting something. He turned around, grinning at her. 

“Find anything good?” he asked.

Rey nodded. “It’s amazing. Do you eat that way all the time?”

Kylo ran a hand through his hair, looking like he was trying to find the right words. “Not all the time. I told her I was having some friends over, so I asked her to make some small stuff. Usually she makes me dinner and breakfast though, lunch in the summer.”

Rey nodded, trying not to look completely shocked. The Solos just had absolutely everything taken care of. She knew that, when she thought about it. She was used to seeing the gardeners out on the lawn, and hearing the maid tidying up around the house. But to think about never having to cook a meal for yourself, never having to look into an empty fridge or go grocery shopping or eat a stale Pop Tart- well, it seemed incredible.

No wonder the iced tea was always so good.

“Wow,” Rey said. She stepped down the stairs into the pool. She didn’t want to seem too impressed. It was almost embarrassing, comparing her sad life, with her dingy house and shoddy parents, to Kylo’s perfect one. She knew he was the weird one, not her, but still.

“But I can cook stuff,” Kylo said. “I make myself breakfast sometimes if I’m up early.” There was something defensive about how he said it, and Rey realized he felt embarrassed himself. What a strange world he lived in.

Rey could still feel the alcohol swimming around in her head and she submerged herself, taking a big gulp of air before plunging under. She held her breath, allowing herself to float in the turquoise water as long as she could stand it. 

When she emerged, she could hear the sounds of the blender again. Rey wondered whether Ben way making another margarita, and promised herself she wouldn’t have another. She could already feel that she was buzzed, at the least, and she didn’t want to get drunk- or more drunk.

But when Ben walked out, and, sure enough, placed a new margarita down by the side of the pool, Rey couldn’t help but sip from it. The afternoon was winding down, turning into the long, golden light that marked the end of a summer day. It felt like heaven, looking out on the sprawling green lawn, feeling the humid air around her, listening to the frogs humming in the woods and by the lake.

Ben and her sat in comfortable silence, with Ben occasionally swimming laps, checking every time he finished one to look over at her. Rey sipped from her margarita and drifted around the pool, enjoying the feeling of the alcohol dulling everything.

Rey was dimly aware that it was getting late, and that some time had passed, when the doorbell rang.

She jumped at the noise, feeling panic run through her. “Who is it?” she asked, immediately swimming to the side of the pool and placing her cup down.

She felt the adrenaline cut through her buzz, wearing it down immediately. 

Kylo grinned at her. “A friend,” he said.

Rey blanched. “I don’t want anyone to see-” The words had already left her mouth before Rey realized how harsh it sounded. “I don’t… I don’t want to see anyone now.”

Tension flitted across Kylo’s face at her words, but it was quickly replaced with a blank, guarded expression. 

“I’ll go get them, you don’t have to see anyone,” he said. 

Rey bit her lip, afraid she might have said the wrong thing. “It’s just… I’m in a bikini.” She blushed as she said it, her words coming out with a slight slur. And then suddenly she felt very aware- she was in a bikini, and- forget the stranger at the door- Kylo was in front of her, seeing her this way. Why was she okay with Kylo but not whoever it was?

Kylo seemed to take this in too, and his eyes flicked down her form before coming back up, “I know,” he said, smiling at her.

Kylo pulled himself out of the pool and headed into the hallway, towards the front door.

As soon as he was in the house, Rey turned towards the lake and cursed. The weird moment that had passed between them, the reference to her bikini, that she had made, suddenly made her feel hyper aware of what a strange situation it was. She was in a bathing suit, alone with Kylo, of all people, and drinking. Surely a stupid combination.

And while she now realized that Kylo had gotten a bad rap, and that he wasn’t the intimidating jerk that some in town seemed to think he was, it still was risky. She did know that Kylo had a small crush on her. It was normal. Rey knew she was cute, and she was used to guys having crushes on her. This was nothing out of the ordinary. But she wasn’t used to stripping off into a bikini with the guys who had crushes on her- in fact she always tried to keep a bit of a distance.

She wondered if it was inappropriate- given she was his tutor and all. Could she get in trouble, for spending the afternoon like this?

All these thoughts swam around in her head, the alcohol muddying them and swirling them together, into a kind of vague panic.

Rey wondered what she should do. She was too drunk to drive- Kylo said he would call an Uber for her, so she would ask him. It was summer, so it was still bright outside, even though it was dinnertime.

He would understand, she was sure of it. And she could come back tomorrow and pick up her car. She would pay for that Uber herself- she didn’t want to look poor or like she was taking advantage of Kylo’s kindness. And he’d already done so much. Besides, she was making good money now, with this tutoring job.

Rey had decided this when Kylo reemerged. He was grinning and holding two pizza boxes in front of him.

Rey’s mouth fell open. “You got a pizza?”

Kylo shrugged. “You said you wanted some.”

And suddenly any thoughts of leaving had vanished from Rey’s mind. She knew it was just a pizza, and probably pocket change to Kylo, but it was really sweet. And she found herself… almost touched. No one else in her life would order her a pizza if she offhandedly mentioned she wanted some. 

He walked to one of the tables beside the pool, placing the pizza boxes down. “I got one pepperoni, cause everyone likes pepperoni, and one half cheese, cause everyone likes cheese, and half veggie.” He turned to narrow his eyes and study Rey, like he was sizing her up. “Cause you seem like the kind of person who might eat veggie pizza.”

Rey laughed, not knowing whether she should be insulted by this assessment or not. “I do like veggie pizza, but I’ll have a slice of pepperoni actually. I can’t believe you got so much.”

She swam to the stairs, climbing out of the pool, while Kylo headed inside the kitchen. He returned with a stack of plates.  
‘  
“I thought I should order a few different options, cause I didn’t want to ask and ruin the...” He gestured to the food. “Surprise, I guess.”

“Huh. Well I’m definitely surprised.”

Kylo pulled two slices of pepperoni from the pizza, little dribbles of cheese pulling off on the ends. He handed it to Rey.

“So you like it?” he asked.

Rey nodded. “This is amazing.”

She bit into the pizza and it was delicious, just what she was craving. Kylo served himself two slices of the same and then shrugged in the direction of the pool. “You can eat in the pool, if you want.”

Rey did want to. There was something so luxurious and incredible about eating in the pool. Their own private pool, and with this view. A view that literally cost millions of dollars.

She was used to swimming in Jakku’s public pool, which cost $2 for admission and was always crowded and full of screaming little kids. It was nearly impossible to do laps, what with the people all around.

For that reason she’d never really liked the pool, and when she became a teen, and became one of the girls at Jakku High that was considered one of the “pretty ones”, and when she became aware that some of the boys her age had crushes on her, she had really hated going. She didn’t like being looked at in her bathing suit, even though it was a one piece, and it wasn’t like she had curves or anything. She just didn’t like that level of attention.

But here, swimming around in this private sanctuary, was a different thing entirely. It was heavenly, blissful. She could swim as much as she wanted, or just float, limbs akimbo, without a care in the world. Kylo seemed to be aware of how much she was enjoying it and seemed to carefully and nonchalantly stay out of her way. He kept away from her, swimming laps in whatever section of the pool she wasn’t in, adjusting and changing spots without saying anything.

And she appreciated it.

As she stepped down into the pool, holding her plate carefully aloft, she thought about how nice Kylo was. How truly nice and thoughtful he was. He’d gotten her pizza, he’d asked Marisol to make all that food, he was letting her use his pool like it was her own private one and he wasn’t even there.

For a moment, she felt a pang of guilt for wanting to leave, just moments earlier. She didn’t know why, but she always seemed to assume the worst of Kylo. She guessed everyone in Jakku did. Or, it wasn’t that she thought Kylo in particular would do anything, just the idea of being- you know, swimming around in a bathing suit alone with a guy. For moment it had seemed inappropriate, even risky.

But, as she chewed on her slice, she realized how awful she’d been. Kylo was doing nothing but nice things, going out of his way to do things she liked. 

She wondered if he was lonely, having this huge place all to himself. It sure seemed that way. He needed, or wanted, a friend. And it seemed like his little team of troublemakers wasn’t cutting it. Rey couldn’t help that she wanted to help Kylo- she could see the wounded little kid in him, and it was heartbreaking. It was hard to imagine being miserable, in a spot like this, but sometimes Kylo seemed so… lost. And so needy.

Rey heard a clink on the cement behind her and turned around to see that Kylo had placed her margarita glass down, refilled again.

“Oh, I shouldn’t,” Rey said. She was halfway through her first slice, which would help sober her up a bit, but she shouldn’t drink anymore. Maybe if she waited a couple hours she’d be sober enough to drive home… she was trying to calculate the number of hours you needed to wait to be good to drive… it was one drink per hour, she thought… and she’d had four- five?

“Aw come on, Rey,” Kylo said. He shrugged, as he spoke. “You can spend the night her, we have like 6 guest bedrooms.”

Rey thought about this. The way Kylo said it, so hopeful and nice, made her feel guilty again, for trying to calculate how soon she could leave.

The Solos had done so much for her, given her so much money, and Kylo had been nothing but kind and sweet and here she was, trying to make a quick getaway.

“I… I wouldn’t want to be an imposition,” she said. Her voice was hesitant, and Rey wondered whether Kylo could tell she was trying to politely beg off, to find a suitable excuse to leave.

Kylo shook his head, like what she was saying was crazy. “It’s not an imposition. My parents aren’t even home. They’re on some business trip to...” He paused, like he was wracking his brain. “I dunno, California, I think?”

Rey nodded, thinking how extraordinary it was that Kylo didn’t even know where his parents were. She’d never been on a plane before, and her parents hadn’t been on any either, at least as long as she’d been alive. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to fly around the world as frequently as the Solos did.

“Um, okay,” she said. She reached for her margarita glass and took a sip, which seemed to brighten Kylo’s expression. He still stared at her, waiting for her response. “Lemme think about it.”

Kylo nodded and headed back to the table, grabbing his margarita glass and plate. He sat down at the chair, looking out onto the lawn and eating his pizza.

They sat in meaningful silence, until they’d both finished eating. Rey had gotten a head start but Kylo was a quick eater, taking big bites and swallowing them down without chewing much. Rey thought it was fitting, for a big guy, and then she rebuked herself for even noticing that, noticing anything about his body. He was her student.

“Wanna play pennies?” Kylo asked.

“What’s pennies?” Rey took a sip from her margarita. Kylo had piled some different pool toys next to the pool earlier, and she was now floating in an inner tube, kicking her feet lazily underneath her. She was perfectly content to stay like this, drifting about and listening to the frogs sing.

“It’s where you throw a penny and whoever’s the first to get it wins.”

“Isn’t that what we played earlier?”

Kylo cocked his head, like he was thinking. “I guess. Come on Rey, it’ll be fun!”

Rey rolled her eyes, but she didn’t want to disappoint Kylo, not after all he’d done for her. She would prefer to let her food digest, but another game wouldn’t be the end of the world.

“Okay,” Rey said. She paddled back to the side of the pool, and gulped down the rest of the margarita, placing it down and wiping the back of her mouth with her arm.

Kylo jerked his head to the pool steps. He was standing near her drink, on the side of the pool. “You gotta get up here so we can dive in at the same time, it’s only fair.”

Rey walked to the stairs and to where Kylo stood, taking her place next to him. Once again, as she was whenever she had to be in close proximity to him, she was aware of just how.. big he was. He was not only tall, but just broad. He just seemed to take up a lot of space, which seemed obvious because of his height, but it was more than that.

It was less noticeable when they were paddling around in the pool, because Rey could kick her feet and stay at eye level with him, even though he could stand in the deeper end and obviously she couldn’t. 

She shook her head at these drunken thoughts, shaking them off.

“Ready, set, go!” Kylo said. He tossed the penny into the deep end and both of them dove in, holding their breaths and shooting through the water in the direction it had fell, searching to locate it.

Rey managed to see it first, or Kylo was giving her a head start. It was left of the center of the pool, and her lungs burned a bit as she grabbed it and used her legs to propel herself up from the bottom. She raised it triumphantly over her head, waving it tauntingly at Kylo.

“Okay, so that’s one point for you,” Kylo said, swimming to the side of the pool and hoisting himself up. “Now you get to throw it.”

“We’re doing it again?” Rey asked.

“Yeah, of course,” Kylo said. “Best of… ten?”

Rey grumbled at this but got out of the pool, and they repeated it. They ended up having so much fun that they repeated it 20 times. Then that ended in a tie, so they did it ten more times, and Rey finally edged out Kylo, getting 16 times to his 14.

Rey waved the penny over her head after their final time, grinning at Kylo triumphantly. She strongly suspected that Kylo had let her win, especially because she knew, with all the alcohol she’d had, her swimming wasn’t exactly the top of her game.

But she didn’t care. She’d won and she would take it.

By now, the sun was starting to go down. Being late-June, the sunset was much later, about as late as it got. 

Rey was exhausted and laid herself down on the side of the pool, feeling the droplets drip down her skin and onto the concrete.

She could hear Kylo using the blender in the kitchen. It was one of those really high end ones, professional looking ones, she’d seen it in the kitchen when she was getting food. And it was loud- she could hear it from here.

She threw her hand over her eyes, laughing. Another drink? She knew she shouldn’t- she already felt drunk. But the sun was going down, melting into a spectacular orange and purple sunset over the lake. 

And Rey realized that she could sleep in one of the guest rooms. She imagined what it would be like o wake up at this house- to wake up in a huge, beautiful, expensive room, with a maid to serve your every whim. And to look out on this view, and to maybe swim in the pool as the sun rose.

It was a tempting thought, and Rey bit her lip as she thought about it. Maybe she should sleep over. Her parents wouldn’t mind, or even notice, she was sure of it. She’d gone to a few different parties in high school where she’d ended up coming home at like 3 or 4am, and her parents hadn’t said a word. Actually, they’d never given her a curfew. She supposed if she wanted to she could have stayed up every night, doing meth, for all the supervision they gave her. Her being responsible and going to bed at a reasonable hour each night had been her choice, not theirs.

She was still biting her lip when she felt something shift in the energy around her- perhaps it was the sudden loss of the sun on her skin. When she pulled her arm from her eyes and opened them- there was Kylo, looming over her, his shadow blotting out the last rays of light from the sunset. He held two margaritas in his hand.

“What are you thinking about?” Kylo asked. 

“Oh, nothing,” Rey said. She was comparatively sober from what she had been before they played pennies. Maybe all the adrenaline and activity had burned the alcohol from her system.

So that meant she could have another. And Rey liked the idea of sleeping over, now that she thought about it. Part of her was nervous about spending the night at a guy’s place, but no one had to know. And her parents wouldn’t care. And she felt safe around Kylo, here at the Solos. Something about him made him feel like she was in good hands.

She reached up, taking the margarita glass and pulling it down to sip from it.

“Are you sure I can spend the night here?” Rey asked. She supposed, if he said no, she could stop drinking now, maybe spend another agonizing three hours or so before she was sober enough to drive. Or Uber it. Better to know now though.

Kylo’s face brightened. “Absolutely! You can pick whatever room you want!”

That was enough of an excuse as any. Rey raised herself up on an elbow, sipping from the glass. 

So she would stay over. She could get as drunk as she liked.

The sun was starting to set now, casting long shadows over the pool furniture and darkening the appearance of the lake. A cool breeze had started to come in off the lake, making Rey retreat to the warmth of the pool.

Kylo brought the pizza and some of Rey’s favorite hors d'oeuvres over to the side of the pool, so that they could snack on it without leaving. She told him to bring over the fruit tarts and the cheese puff things, and he did. 

Rey had noticed that her skin had become pruny, all puckered up on her fingertips. She supposed that was to be expected, when you spent 4+ hours swimming in a pool.

Once the sun had truly started to set in earnest, the pool lights shut on, bathing the entire area in a kind of white light. Underwater lights on the walls of the pools went on, as did overhead lights coming from the house. They almost seemed to create as many shadows as they did spots of light, the light getting hung up on the underside of the umbrellas at the table, for example. It created a kind of strange, almost surreal tableau, to Rey’s mind, which was swirling with the pleasant haze of drunkenness.

She munched eagerly at the little snacks that had been brought over, taking another fruit tart and cheese-asparagus thing. She didn’t want to eat too much, as they were swimming, and Rey could still remember that rule from childhood “Don’t swim within 30 minutes of eating.” She was breaking that rule, paddling around as she ate, but she didn’t want to make it worse by gorging on anything.

Besides, being around Ben made her self conscious. He stood outside of the pool so frequently- getting their food, making more margaritas and refreshing their drinks, and just walking around- moving the pool toys and such. He looked massive anyway, but from this angle- her six feet or so under the ground, inside the pool- she’d never seen him look so big. And there was no denying the fierce muscles that made up his entire body. It was kind of strange, seeing a high school kid who was just so massive. And Rey knew that she shouldn’t look, shouldn’t think about it. But it was hard not to notice, what with him standing there, constantly moving around, constantly getting something or other from the kitchen and then standing in the center of the patio, fiddling with it. The harsh lights from the house seemed to light on his muscles, delineating every line, making shadows in his abs and along his arms.

But one time Ben had caught her looking and Rey had blushed deeply, and then, without even thinking about it, dove deep into the water, like her body had felt the panic too. And she’d swum laps for a couple of minutes before surfacing. 

And when she’d looked back at Ben, he wasn’t paying attention to her, and his expression was placid, while he fiddled with the blender, which he’d brought out to the patio, so he could mix their drinks out there, Rey supposed. 

They didn’t need a top off right then, but Rey supposed it was for the future. She sipped her drink and started out into the last dimming lights of the sunset, the alcohol now truly muddling her brain and making everything seem soft, warm, peaceful. 

The speakers were playing some kind of dreamy electronic music, and Rey made a mental note to ask Kylo about his playlist. At the moment, she didn’t want to speak to him, because that would involve looking at him. And even though she knew, logically, it had been no big deal, she was still embarrassed for having been caught looking at him. But she had averted her eyes right away, and, she told herself, Ben wouldn’t have noticed. 

She took another sip from her drink, feeling the alcohol smooth and smother her anxiety.

By now, it was completely dark outside, and the lake and surrounding forest had become invisible. You could only see the pool area, some of the surrounding grass, and, of course, the bright lights coming from the house.

“Wanna play pennies?” Kylo asked.

Rey gulped down the rest of her drink, before placing it on the ground. “Okay, I guess.” By now her words came out as a slur. Kylo walked to the blender and poured her a new glass, before jumping into the water.

“Okay, ready, set...” He threw the penny into the air, and it seemed to disappear into the blackness of the night. Rey heard a plink when it landed into the water, but just barely, and she had no idea where it had landed. Kylo seemed to know though, diving straight in, and Rey followed in his direction. 

With the underwater lights on, Rey could see it floating down through the water,

They both swam as hard as they could for it, but Kylo reached it first. He paused, waiting for her to catch up, and then threw it again. This time, Rey got to it first, and she suspected that, this time for sure, Kylo had let her win. She could feel that her movements were sloppy and slower than usual- she couldn’t get her arms to move fast enough, which would have been funny, except Rey still felt that competitive drive with Kylo. She wanted to win, and it frustrated her that she wasn’t moving as fast as she knew she could.

Still, if Kylo was going to fake it, she would take it. She held the penny high over her head, and grinned at him. Then she threw the penny near to her, diving in to get to it first, which she did.

They dove down again and again, with Kylo letting her win most of the time, which Rey appreciated. Finally, out of breath, Rey swam back to her margarita.

Kylo seemed to get the picture that she was tired of playing, and he walked back to get his own glass.

The air had taken on the quiet stillness of night at summertime. The frogs were really loud now, in the woods and down by the lake, and you could see the flashing of fireflies on the lawn. Kylo’s music was still playing from the speakers, a kind of dreamy electronic music, that both energized and soothed.

Kylo placed his margarita on the side of the pool and then did a cannonball into the water, splashing Rey with water. She thought he’d gotten some water into her margarita glass as well, but she was too drunk to care. The margarita had melted down anyway, into liquid, so there was no way of spotting any water droplets. She drank from the glass greedily, not wanting her drunken haze to end. And Kylo swam over, grabbing the pitcher which he’d left by the side of the pool. He brought it over to her glass, filling it up again.

Then he grabbed his own glass, downing all of it, and refilling his own.

They were both drunk, Rey could tell, and she giggled, staring out into the blackness of the night. It was so fun- it felt so wild and adult and somehow illicit, just to be out here, in the pool, drunk. It had been so long since she’d done anything fun. 

Sometimes Rey had wondered if she should have been closer to people at school- let people in more. Then she’d have more friends, still be invited to their little parties. Not that she’d been an outcast- if she was being honest, she’d been quite popular. But she’d been so focused on getting out of dodge that she’d not wanted to get close to anyone- especially because almost everyone in town had ended up in technical colleges or working some low income job, or getting pregnant and staying home. She wanted more than that, and she was afraid of getting bogged down. But that fear had led her to keep people at a distance, and then she’d ended up being stuck here herself, going to the state school nearby and commuting. And so it would have been nice to have more to do over the past couple of years, to still be included in parties and stuff. Although, she’d never let herself get too drunk, or do any drugs or anything, and she suspected the kids she’d grown up with didn’t really want to have her there, ruining the vibe.

But for some reason, here with Kylo, she felt safe. There were none of the usual kids from her school, who knew how “perfect” she was and would judge her for having 5 (6? 7? How many had she had?) margaritas. Kylo didn’t judge- he wanted her to have fun and relax.

And, truth be told, she’d been wanting something like this. She could hardly wait to finally get to college, and do all the normal college things. Keggers, tailgating, late night parties. She wanted the typical college experience.

It wasn’t like she was some goody goody. She’d drunk before- she’d gotten drunk at high school parties. It was just that she always kept some semblance of control, and she never truly let go. She never truly dove in and participated in the social scene at school, because she was terrified of being sucked into it and not getting out.

But she wouldn’t have that problem once she was finally at a real college, and Rey could hardly wait. 

Rey realized she’d been lost in thought, and she turned to look at Kylo. He was staring at her, and Rey furrowed her brow, wondering how long he’d been looking. He was sipping from his margarita glass, and just the top half of his face visible, his eyes staring at her over the rim.

She narrowed her eyes at him and splashed water in his direction, not even thinking before she did it. She just wanted to break the tension of the moment, the strange feeling that seemed to have descended over them. There was an… intensity… in the way Kylo looked at her, that made Rey, even in her drunken state, feel unnerved. 

Kylo shrugged and walked to the side of the pool, pulling himself out and walking over to make more margaritas. Rey watched as he poured the tequila in, and the ice, and the mix… finally starting the blender, which broke the quiet softness of the evening with a deafening roar.

And then he turned, holding the blender in one hand, his glass in another, pouring it out.

Once again, Rey couldn’t help but stare at all the little lines and delineations that made up his body. His abdominals seemed to have been carved into his body, like some kind of primordial cave etching that primitive cultures would use to worship their gods. Rey found herself staring at them, transfixed, her eyes half lidded, the lights from the house creating even darker shadows than usual.

“You want more?” Kylo asked, gesturing with the blender.

Rey nodded, throwing back the rest of her drink and holding out her empty glass. Kylo walked over, and Rey watched as the shadows of his muscles shifted with each step. He had a way of moving that was long and languid, almost predatory, Rey thought to herself.

Kylo squatted down to pour for her, and when Rey looked in his eyes, she found he was staring at her, again. She quickly averted her gaze to her margarita glass, watching as the green slush plopped in, and then turning back around, facing away from Kylo, back to the pool.

She heard a splash as Kylo dove in at the other end of the pool. It startled her, and a tiny dollop of her drink fell into the pool when she jerked her arm in surprise.

Kylo surfaced near the deep end, then immediately dove back in. Rey sipped her drink while she waited for him to come back up. The night felt so cool and perfect, the hum of summer frogs in the background.

After several seconds he came back up, slightly breathless, holding the coin that they’d left at the bottom of the pool at the end of their last game. “Wanna play pennies again?”

Rey tilted her head. She was drunk now, definitely. She had been before, but now she could really feel it. Her limbs felt loose and somewhat useless, and her mind was sloshing around with a kind of pleasant abstraction.

“I don’t know,” she said. She could hear her voice slur the last word. 

Kylo cocked his head at her. “Come on, I deserve a rematch.”

Rey giggled at this. It was hilarious, somehow, though she didn’t know why. 

“Okay,” she said, after she finished laughing. She placed her drink back on the patio, after taking one more sip, and turned to face Kylo.

“You want to throw it?” Kylo asked.

She nodded, staring at him and making no move to retrieve it. The alcohol seemed to make her limbs feel heavy and loose all at the same time- pleasantly so. 

Kylo swam over, stopping when he was an arm’s length away, which was not that close as he had really long limbs, Rey thought, and reaching his hand out to give her the penny.

Rey plucked it out of his palm, and scanned the pool, looking for the best place to throw it.

Finally, she settled on the deep end, which was behind Kylo’s back and hardly the most original place to throw it, but Rey didn’t really care it.

She glanced at Kylo to see he was still watching her face, and she narrowed her eyes playfully at him, then threw the penny in the air, and pushed herself off from the wall of the pool, diving down to the deep end.

She was sailing through the water, her body in a straight line, heading straight for the penny, when she felt it- someone grabbed her leg.

In her drunken state, Rey at first panicked, kicking her leg frantically. Then, in the next millisecond, it occurred to her- it was Kylo. It was only Kylo. And he was probably sabotaging her. So she kicked again, this time less hard, trying to get him off, still trying to propel her body towards the coin.

But then his hand snaked up to her upper leg, and then his other hand went to her waist, and then she felt herself being pulled back and brought against Kylo, and Rey felt only deep confusion- what was he doing?

And then Kylo was bringing them both to the surface, and Rey gulped the air and had a second to give Kylo a look of pure bewilderment, and then he had pulled her against him, and his mouth was on hers, and his tongue was entering her open mouth.

And Rey- didn’t know what to think. It all seemed so strange, almost dreamlike. What was he doing? What about the penny? 

She could feel their bodies begin to sink, because in her shock, she’d forgotten to paddle her feet, but then Kylo was surging upwards, his powerful legs kicking, and his arm moving to direct them over to the side of the wall, and Rey didn’t have to paddle at all, because Kylo had both of them, easily. And he was still kissing her, as he did this, and then she could feel her back pressed against the pool wall. And he was both pressing her against the wall and pulling her against him, and suddenly Rey realized she didn’t have to worry about swimming, because Kylo had her, and so it was like, for the first time, she could actually notice the kiss. And then she realized- it was Kylo, Kylo who was kissing her. Kylo, her pupil, that she tutored. Kylo. And so she pulled back, breaking the kiss.

“Kylo, we can’t do this,” she said.

But Kylo seemed unfazed. Now that she’d pulled her mouth away from his, he moved it to the side of her cheek, kissing up, to her earlobe, and then down her neck.

“Kylo,” she said, through gritted teeth. It felt good- really good. But she had to stop it- had to. “We shouldn’t do this.”

“Rey,” whispering her name, moving his mouth back to hers.

And it felt good- it felt really good. And Rey was opening her mouth wider, allowing him more entry.

And then she moved her tongue against his, meeting him fully, and Kylo let out a groan, and his grip around her back tightened. Kylo was so big, his arms wrapped around her completely, so that when he was hugging her like this she could feel his hands on the sides of her ribcage- it was like she was enfolded, completely.

And a pleasant drunken buzz and need was ripping through her- the feel of his mouth on hers, the pure sensation of it all, the fun tango of their tongues, battling and dancing with each other. Rey let out the tiniest, smallest giggle, because she was having fun, and she was really drunk, she knew that, and it all seemed so joyful, and pleasant, and exciting.

And, again, Kylo groaned at this, his tongue pressing into her mouth even more fiercely. It was almost like he was challenging her, with the way he kissed, and Rey felt almost rebuked, for giggling, while at the same time it seemed to spur Kylo on.

There was something dark and possessive about the way Kylo kissed, Rey thought. She was having fun, but it was almost like Kylo wasn’t. She wondered, briefly, if he was drunk or sober, or why anyone would kiss anyone unless they were having fun, and it was a good time. She held back a laugh at this, her mouth curling up in a slight smile as they kissed, and she wondered if Kylo could feel it.

In the next moment, Kylo moved his hand up, snaking it onto the back of her neck, leaving his other hand wrapped around her waist. And Rey sunk slightly with the motion, no longer having two arms braced around her back. 

And she kicked, instinctively, trying to find the ground of the pool. But there was none.

And Kylo must have felt this, because suddenly she felt his leg move between hers, and she could prop herself on that. Rey realized that Kylo, because he was so much taller than her, most be able to stand in this part of the pool, with his head above water, whereas she couldn’t. And it made her feel angry, for one brief second, at the difference in their physical capabilities. 

But then she felt his thigh underneath her, and it pushed her up, so she was able to straddle that and no longer be sinking, and she felt relief, because, even though she was knew she wasn’t drowning, it still made her anxious, to be in water deeper than she could stand up in, with only Kylo holding her up. But then her thoughts went back to Kylo kissing her, which he was doing quite well. And then Kylo shifted his leg just slightly, moved it to the left, and Rey let out a gasp, because it rubbed against her core, and it felt- really good.

And then Kylo’s grip on the back of her neck tightened, his fingers digging into the small hairs there. And then he did it again, moving his thigh back in the other direction, and Rey’s back arched into it. It felt so good, and Rey let out a small laugh again, just at the sheer joy of it, the ecstasy of the feeling, and the alcohol blurring everything in her mind and the smell of the night, forest air, and the feeling of the water sloshing around them.

And so Kylo did it again, and again, until Rey was gasping, and it only seemed to spur Kylo on more. His grip on her grew impossibly tighter, until he was pressing her fully against his body. And Rey could feel the outline of his muscles, which were intimidatingly firm, and what she was sure was his erection, pressing large and hard against her core. And Rey let out a tiny, unstoppable laugh again, because erections were funny- penises were funny. She could remember when she was at a high school party at Jared’s house, and some sophomore had passed out, and everyone had taken turns drawing penises on his face. Rey hadn’t, of course, but several people had, everyone laughing and taking pictures. There was just something funny about the shape of it- the long straight lines, and then the circle at the end. They were kind of strange looking.

And Rey wondered, for a moment, with Kylo pressed against her, his erection digging into her, if he was embarrassed by the fact that had a boner. She knew this was something that happened to teenage boys a lot, and they often had to hide them, from stories she’d read online and seen in movies. It was like the plague of a teenage boy’s life, and she let out a small laugh thinking of this, as Kylo flexed his hips slightly into her, pushing himself against her. 

When she giggled, Kylo only seemed to press further into her, his mouth growing more aggressive against hers. For a moment Rey felt like she couldn’t breathe, because Kylo was kissing her so intensely, his face pressed against hers so completely.

And his thigh moved again, more solidly and intensely, against her center, and Rey couldn’t help herself from letting out little gasps, and Kylo, again, tightened his hold on the back of her neck, locking her into place, his tongue growing more wild with the sound of her breath. And she couldn’t help from rocking against his thigh, pressing herself against him, the delicious friction it cause on that part of her body, that seemed to blossom up her whole spine, eddying her body with pleasure.

And Kylo pressed his thigh up more insistently against her, so that her whole weight was pressed against it, and he kept his hands snaked around her back and neck, so that she stayed in the same place, despite his thigh now arching into her. And she felt a wonderful darkness keening and growing in that part of her, and she kissed him back fiercely, wanting more- more of the growth of that thing that she was feeling inside of her. 

And then, Rey felt, Kylo removing the hand that was on her back, and she felt his hand snaking downwards and then winding around her hip, his hand touching the rounded curve there reverently. And still his thigh rubbed against her, and she was seated evenly more fully against it now that one hand wasn’t there for support, and his mouth continued to move against hers. And then she felt his hand move down, further on her hip, and then it was on her upper thigh, and then he was moving it across her thigh, and then she felt her bikini being rustled, and then his fingers brushed against her core, most private area. 

And Rey gasped, and pulled her head back to move away, but Kylo’s hand was insistent against her neck, holding her to him. And his fingers pressed again, pushing into her center, moving in a circular motion that made Rey arch her back, pressing against him for more, more, MORE. And he gave it to her, his hand moving faster, his body pressing completely against her, until her back was almost digging into the wall of the pool, his mouth moving against hers fiercely, almost desperately.

And she felt something building inside of her, something wild and overwhelming. Kylo’s body was too big for her to wrap around, to envelop the way he did her. So one of her hands had been loosely looped around his neck, the other lightly clasping his upper arm. And her grip tightened, suddenly her own body echoing Kylo’s urgency, squirming as the same sense of desperation she felt from him began to grow, to leap inside of her. And she wanted, she needed something, she wasn’t sure what. But she needed it, and Kylo was the way to get it. 

And so she bucked against him, and her own hand scrambled against the back of his neck the way his had against hers, clutching at him, trying to get at that thing that seemed so elusive, as the feeling continued to grow, to crawl up her from her core, overtaking every part of her until it seemed that was the only thing she could think of.

And then she felt Kylo’s fingers press inside her bikini bottoms, pushing the small amount of fabric to the side, and then his finger was against her, touching her most intimate place, his skin on her skin. And again, Rey gasped, but the noise of it was eagerly swallowed by Kylo’s mouth, which used the opportunity to press his tongue deeper, more insistently, against her own. And then he was moving his fingers, in that maddening circular motion, and Rey found herself arching against him, mindless and only wanting more, that ever elusive more. 

And then his finger slipped inside her, and Rey gasped again at the sudden intrusion, and then Kylo was moving it in her, and still doing those wonderful little circles against her, and Rey felt overwhelmed by the sensation. 

And Kylo kept doing this, kept the same motion up, and Rey felt it climbing her, overtaking her, engulfing her, until finally it shattered and exploded and shot through her, her legs stiffening and her mouth falling open in a frozen and paused gasp, which didn’t stop Kylo from continuing to kiss her, his tongue still moving against her still one.

And then, after several seconds of utter bliss, Rey felt it begin to spiral down, and her muscles relaxed again. Now they were boneless, with hardly any strength left in them, her body placated and sated. And Kylo’s kiss against her became slower too, gentler, less demanding and more coaxing, as if he were satisfied too. But Rey could still feel his body, hard in every way, against hers, and she knew he wasn’t feeling the same satiety that she was.

But still, they kissed for several moments, Kylo’s tongue slow and cajoling against hers. Rey’s body soft and relaxed against his. She felt as if every muscle had gone on vacation, sinking into the soft unctuousness of the summer air, quiet and blissful and still.

And then, Kylo began moving his hand again, and at first Rey jumped at the feeling, suddenly feeling sensitive and overwrought down below. But then she felt that spark ignite again, that same need, the hunger, and in a few instants she was arching up into him again, wanting it again- more.

And then she was clutching at his neck, and moving against him, and then she felt Kylo’s hand leave her, and she frowned against his mouth, still open mouthed as Kylo continued to kiss her, wondering why he would leave her this way, and then she felt his fingers tugging against her bikini string. And in her alcohol addled brain, she momentarily wondered why he would be doing that, why he wasn’t finishing what he’d started when he’d already touched her there, and what was the point.

And then she felt the bikini tie come undone, and her bikini bottom began to float apart in the currents of the pool. And then she felt Kylo pull back from her, and then she felt him fiddling with his own swim shorts, pulling them down, and her eyes opened in shock as she realized what this meant.

And she gasped and pulled back from Kylo’s kiss but in the next moment Kylo had pressed himself back against her, but this time it was his bare skin against hers, his erect penis pressing into the soft skin around her core, pulsing hot against her lower stomach, like a brand.

But Rey quickly pulled back, moving her hands down to press against Kylo’s chest. 

“Kylo, we can’t,” she said.

Kylo’s eyes bore into hers, dark and demanding. “Why can’t we?”

“Because this is wrong,” she said. It was suddenly sinking into her, now that she was looking at his face and not simply kissing him and feeling the sensation. “I… oh God, I really can’t believe this...”

“Why can’t we?” Kylo asked again. His hand reached up to tilt her chin so that she had to look at him.

Rey knew she was drunk, but she could still feel warning bells through her drunken haze. “I… we shouldn’t”. She squirmed against him, her core now pressing against his bare thigh, and Kylo pressed it more intently into her.

“Why not?” Kylo asked again, his head fell against hers, his forehead leaning into hers. He flexed his hips against her, and Rey could feel the base of his penis brushing into her. It tickled that same spot that Kylo had been rubbing earlier, and Rey couldn’t help but arch herself against it.

But she reminded herself that she shouldn’t, and she pressed her hands against his chest harder. But it was like pressing against a brick wall- Kylo didn’t move an inch, almost didn’t appear to have felt it, it made so little difference.

In her drunken state, she knew she needed a reason, and this was the biggest one. It was the truth, and for a brief moment Rey wondered if she should say it, should be so vulnerable and honest. But this was the moment to say it, it was now or never, and she had to let him know how high the stakes were.

“I… I’ve never done it before,” she said. Her voice was quiet, almost afraid. She’d thought about this many times- she was 20 years old and still a virgin. Didn’t that make her the odd one out? Weren’t people, at her age, supposed to be banging each other’s brains out, having Tinder hookups and sending nudes and being wild? And there she was, a virgin- it was embarrassing. But she had to say it, so Kylo would back off. She looked up, into his face, anxiously awaiting to see what he’d say- the look of disgust, or pity, or quick regret as he realized exactly how strange she was.

But Kylo’s face took on a look of astonishment. Any tension in his face seemed to smooth out, to reverse. He had the look of someone who’d seen a religious figure, a miracle- his eyebrows drawing together in a kind of wonder.

And in the next moment, he was kissing her, fiercely, desperately, as he had been before, his tongue moving against hers so strongly, so intensely, that Rey was momentarily stunned, finding her body instinctively echoing his movements, her tongue dancing with his, without thinking it through. 

After several seconds of this, Kylo broke away, again pressing his forehead to hers. His eyes squeezed shut, and he looked like he was overwhelmed with emotion. “I had hoped but-” His voice cut off. “Me too,” he said. “I haven’t either.”

Wow. The information swam in Rey’s brain, and then Kylo was kissing her again, his hand threading into the hair at the back of her head. And though Rey’s initial instinct was to pull away, Kylo’s hand was strong behind her, and then she felt his tongue, and it distracted her, melting something within her.

And before long, Rey found herself moving against him again, her back arching, her core rubbing against his leg, that same strange desperation growing inside of her. And she could feel that panic, that “you shouldn’t do this” wriggling like a worm somewhere in some distance part of her brain- but she pushed it away. She didn’t want to think of that, didn’t want to acknowledge it. Not now, with the growing pleasure pulsing from her core, almost to the peak she’d been at earlier, growing stronger with every passing second, every raise of Kylo’s thigh against her.

And Rey couldn’t help it, she opened her thighs wider, spreading them more fully, so that she could seat herself against Kylo more intensely. And Kylo groaned, and then he pulled back, whispering her name, and Rey pressed her lips against his. 

And then she felt him reaching below, and then she felt him pulling back, and then she felt something lined up against her core, and then Kylo said her name again, this time more firmly. And she spread her legs wider, in answer, and closed her eyes, wanting him to move forward, wanting to wash everything away with the delicious naughtiness of it and the oblivion that the alcohol and this act offered.

And then she felt Kylo pressing into her, one arm reaching around, clasping her on the other side of her neck, on the side of her shoulder, and the other holding her waist. And it gave him leverage, as he moved into her, and Rey felt the delicious sinking in of Kylo inside of her.

And she heard Kylo let out a shaky exhale, and then in the next moment, Kylo bumped something inside of her, and it burned, and Rey let out a gasp of shock at the pain, which was blinding, almost overwhelming. And she felt her legs tighten of their own volition, as if to keep him out. 

But in the next moment, Kylo had pushed through that, whatever that was, and Rey felt a shocking cut of pain shoot through her. And Rey gasped and scratched at him, but Kylo was already deeply seated within her, and his chest was pressed completely against her, and now he was surrounding her, his arms around her, with not a millimeter of space between them.

And frantically, fighting against the pain, Rey hand, searching for purchase, moved behind Kylo’s neck, scratching the skin of his upper back and holding his neck. Her other hand grasped his upper arm, her nails digging into the muscle there. Her legs went rigid, holding completely still in the pain, and her grip on Kylo reminded him to stay still, not to move a muscle. Her mouth fell open in shock, a silent gasp.

Kylo was watching her face, and he let out a shuddered breath, almost as if he himself was in pain, though Rey knew that he wasn’t- it didn’t work that way for men, she knew that. His eyes swept over his face, and his breathing was labored and jerky. 

“Oh God, Rey,” he said, and he pressed his mouth to her open one, trying to kiss her. But Rey didn’t want to kiss, and she turned her head to the side, blocking him. But Kylo made no move to move away, to move back, and Rey could feel his breath on her cheek. And she was glad he didn’t move, because any movement would surely be as painful as the others had been.

“Don’t move,” Rey said. She was clutching the skin on the back of his neck and on his upper arm tightly, almost in a panic. The pain was starting to subside, but it had hurt so badly, and she hadn’t been prepared for it. She’d read somewhere that if you were an older virgin your first time wouldn’t hurt so badly, but this had been unbearable. Rey knew her own breaths were jerky, as she breathed through the discomfort. She didn’t particularly want to still have Kylo inside of her, but she couldn’t stand the alternative, of him pulling out and causing that same feeling again. This was a kind of dull pain, about a million times better than the sharp one of his penetration.

They stayed together like that, Kylo breathing against her cheek, for Rey didn’t know how long. Finally, she felt the feeling begin to subside, and she hesitantly moved her hips, testing for the same pain from earlier. Kylo groaned when she did so, and she felt a bite of pain, but nowhere near as bad as it had been.

Kylo reached his hand down, pressing it to her core and began rubbing in the same circles from earlier. He stayed breathing against her cheek, with Rey turned away, not wanting to see or acknowledge Kylo, simply trying to breathe through the last remaining discomfort.

With Kylo’s little circles, Rey began to feel the same spark from earlier building up in her, relighting, emerging from the pain that had blotted it out earlier. She could feel it arching up within her, spiraling, and she wanted to follow it.

“Don’t move,” she told Kylo. She reached her hand up and gently pushed Kylo’s face away and back, so that he wasn’t so close to her. She didn’t want the closeness, it made her feel claustrophobic. Just the feeling.

She closed her eyes, blotting out Kylo and focusing on the feeling, as she moved her hips hesitantly, beginning to rock with him, his hand still rubbing against her as well. She heard Kylo groan, but she ignored it, focusing on her own feelings. There was still the bite of pain that made Rey wince every so often, but the pleasure seemed to bloom more fiercely than the pain, growing stronger and stronger until it was all she could pay attention to, and she began moving in earnest.

Kylo seemed to take his cue from his, and he began moving too, his hand still cupping the back of her neck, his other hand touching her center. He pulled out and back in, moving slowly, his breathing labored. When Rey opened her eyes to glance at him, he was staring at her, his face a mask of dark intensity, his eyes so focused on her that it was intimidating.

As soon as she looked at him, Kylo leaned in to kiss her again, his mouth moving on hers, reverently, worshipfully.

Rey kissed him for a few moments, returning his tongue with her own, but then she pulled away again, squeezing her eyes shut. She wanted to feel, to focus on this moment, and Kylo could be overwhelming. She began moving faster, needing more, grinding against Kylo, and he soon followed, seeming to sense that this was what she needed. 

Rey could feel it building within her, that crescendo within reach, she just needed a little bit more. Her eyebrows came together in a kind of grimace, as she focused on getting to that point, almost there…

“Rey, look at me,” Kylo said. His voice was low and demanding.

Rey ignored it, continuing to squeeze her eyes shut. Her mouth fell open, and she bit her lip, trying to get there. She didn’t want to look at Kylo, she wanted to feel. And maybe he would think she hadn’t heard.

“Rey,” Kylo said again.

Again she ignored it, and moved more frantically against him, and Kylo seemed to sense what she needed, and he picked up his pace, and he didn’t say her name again.

And in a few more instants, Rey felt it begin- rushing through her, that magical explosion that she needed- that more that she had been craving. It crested over her body, making everything euphoric and perfect, for several seconds, and Rey let out a gasp as it washed over her.

And then she felt her body come back down to earth, and she could still feel Kylo moving within her. And again, she heard him say his name, but she didn’t open her eyes. She didn’t want to see Kylo now, it was too much. He was already inside of her.

Rey felt Kylo’s forehead press against hers, and then he said her name again, and then he began to move in earnest, with that same desperation and intensity she had felt earlier. And then Rey realized what was going to happen, as she felt Kylo’s thrusts begin to feel so strong, almost out of control, and he stopped touching her core, and moved his hand up to hold her hip, as if to hold her in place, and his movements began almost frantic.

And Rey knew she had to say something. “Pull out,” she said, her voice almost a shout. “Can you pull out?”

“Rey,” Kylo said. The way he said her name, it was plaintive, like he was asking her for something, but she didn’t know what. For her to look at him again?’

“Pull out,” Rey said. She kept her eyes closed.

Kylo’s movements became wild and frantic, and Rey felt his grip on her neck and hip squeezing very tightly, and then he wrenched himself out of her, and Rey felt the loss of his body against hers, although his hand remained holding her neck, and his leg stayed under her, propping her up. And then she heard a loud groan, and Rey looked up to see Kylo, his upper body slightly hunched, and she looked down and saw little white lines floating in the water, drifting away with the current, and Rey looked up at Kylo, almost embarrassed for him.

But Kylo didn’t look embarrassed. He moved back to her, enfolding her in his arms again, his forehead tilting against hers. His body sealed to hers, his now soft penis pressing against her center. He was breathing heavily, and Rey shut her eyes again. She wanted to blot Kylo out- really wanted to go inside and take a shower. Suddenly the pool felt unappealing, and Rey could almost feel how pruney her skin was, from being inside for so long.

“Was it good?” Kylo asked. 

Rey said nothing, but nodded against his head. She was still drunk, and it was still blurring everything and make everything feel hazily pleasant.

“Come on, let’s go to bed,” Kylo said. Rey was surprised when he pulled back, tying her bikini bottoms closed, pulling his own shorts back up. He bent down, scooping Rey into his arms, and Rey let out a shriek as he did so. She wasn’t expecting to be carried out of the pool, but that’s exactly what Kylo did, and Rey, still feeling her buzz, laughed and kicked her feet at him, insisting she could walk.

Kylo carried her all the way into the house, shutting the door with his foot, and then up the stairs, despite Rey’s insistence that she could walk. He finally deposited her onto a large bed in a beautiful bedroom- it was a dark blue color, and Rey assumed it was Kylo’s based on the huge computer setup and TV setup, which seemed out of place in a guest bedroom.

After placing her on the bed, Kylo dropped on it as well, throwing his arm over her, pulling her against him. Rey felt Kylo’s breaths slow into sleep after a few moments, and hers followed soon after.

Rey was awoken in the middle of the night to Kylo kissing her, his mouth on hers, pressing against it.

When she opened her eyes, Kylo was looking at her, and he smiled. “Rey,” he said, his voice relieved.

For a moment, Rey was disoriented- she was still drunk, she could tell. And then she remembered- it was Kylo. And she almost laughed- the previous night’s adventures came back- what trouble they had gotten into. She let out a giggle and said his name, in a scolding way. “Kylo.”

Kylo’s smile dropped, and his eyes searched her face, as if he was looking for something, though Rey was drunk enough to wonder what he would find, there, on her face, and this thought was enough to make her laugh again, and then Kylo pressed his mouth to hers, and began kissing her in earnest.

And her tongue danced with his, and she felt the delicious sensation begin to build in her again, emanating from her core, snaking up and overtaking the rest of her body. And she put her arms around Kylo’s neck, and pulled him gently against her, and he groaned. He was lying next to her, slightly over her. And his hands ran down, over her body, to the small of her back, pulling her flush against him.

And then he pulled back, and he was looking at Rey so intensely that for a moment the jovial laughter from earlier wore off, and she was taken aback. But in the next moment, he was moving downwards, and Rey was distracted, wondering what he was doing.

And then he was again moving her bikini bottoms to the side, and Rey wriggled, unsure of what he was going to do next, and then suddenly he placed his mouth on her, and Rey nearly arched off the bed in shock. And for a moment she squirmed, embarrassed, wanting him to not be so close, not to be tasting her..down there, though she knew people did this, but she’d never really wanted someone that close to that part of her.

But Kylo continued, his tongue lapping at her, and soon any thoughts of embarrassment were forgotten by the delicious sensation that was crescendoing. And Rey lay back on the pillow, and she moaned, at how good it felt, her hands balling into little fists at the incredible sensation. 

And she stared up at the ceiling, at the light fixture that was up there, illuminating the room. And then she looked down, and she saw that Kylo was watching her, had been watching her, and her eyes widened in shock at the lewdness of the image, of his mouth on her, his eyes meeting hers, licking away.

And the she fell back on the pillow, and stared up at the ceiling, and before long she felt the crescendo exploding over her, sweeping away everything else, sparking every bit of her bloodstream.

And then her body went limp with satiation, and still Kylo kept licking, until she kicked at him, and he finally crawled up her body. And he held himself over her and kissed her again, and Rey could feel him press his erection against her. 

And it wasn’t what she wanted, and she was tired from her orgasm. 

So she shook her head and pushed at him, saying his name gently. And then, when he pulled back, she rolled over, facing the wall, and, in seconds, she was asleep again.

When Rey woke up, the first thing she thought was that she felt like death. Her body hurt, her head pounded, like someone was beating a drum inside of her skull. Then she opened her eyes, and she felt a moment of deep panic.

Where was she? What was this place?

She stared at the blue wall in front of her, feeling nothing but confusion, and then turned her head to the side, up to the ceiling, and then craned her neck to look beyond, at Kylo. He was asleep, and Rey realized the pressure she felt on her side came from him, with his arm stretched out along the crook of her hip, pulling her against him.

What. The. Fuck.

An overwhelming panic rushed through Rey. How was she here?

And then the night before began to come back to her. Had she- had she had sex in a pool? With Kylo? 

She felt a deep alarm run through her. What had she done? What. Had. She. Done.

Her movement must have woken Kylo, because his eyes fluttered open. He seemed disoriented for a moment before his eyes recognized her, and then his mouth broke into a wide, lazy grin.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was soft and somewhat hoarse, from sleep.

Rey couldn’t help the expression of pure panic that she knew was written all over her face. She simply stared at Kylo, unsure of what to say, her mind racing in a kind of adrenaline frenzy.

He seemed to take in her distress, and his expression changed, his brow furrowing into a frown.

“Hey,” he said again, sounding concerned. “C’mere.”

He moved to tighten his grip, to pull her into him, but Rey was too quick.

She sat straight up in bed, forgetting, for a moment, that she was still in her wet bathing suit. 

“I, um,” she said, stuttering for words. “I should go.”

“Rey?” Kylo asked.

“I have, um...” She was now throwing her feet over the side of the bed, and she realized as she did so that her bikini bottoms were untied on one side, and she hastily reached down to retie it, realizing as she did so how pointless it was. Wasn’t it a bit late for that?

Her mind flashed back to last night, Kylo’s mouth on her, and she felt absolutely hammered with a wave of embarrassment and shame.

Keep it together.

She finished the knot on the bikini and stood up. 

“I have a lot of… stuff… that I need to do.” Rey tried to make herself sound authoritative, like she really was rushing off to several important business meetings, but she was fairly certain it didn’t work. And what kind of lowly real estate receptionist had several important meanings on a Saturday morning? 

And what time was it?

Kylo was scrambling up from the bed, heading after her. “You should stay,” he said.

Rey tucked her hair behind her ears, scanning the room for anything of hers. She couldn’t forget anything, anything at all, or she’d have to leave it behind. She needed to get her phone, her wallet, her clothes… where were her clothes?!

They were downstairs, it came to Rey. She’d left her stuff in her bag down by the pool.

She moved to the door, heading towards the stairs, but Kylo got there first and blocked her.

“We can have the leftover pizza,” Kylo said. “Or make pancakes.”

Rey literally stepped back from Kylo when he blocked her path, as if he was somehow radioactive. “I, um, I really can’t. I have to… I’m in a hurry.”

“Oh,” Kylo said. “Well, um, you can take leftovers. Or I can, uh, bring em to you later, I don’t mind.”

“Thanks,” Rey said. “Can I get by?” 

She gestured her head in the direction of the stairs, and Kylo looked surprised. “Oh, um,” he stepped back, clearing the path for her. “Of course.”

She marched past him, bumping the side of the door frame with her shoulder, because she was trying to avoid Kylo so completely. 

She forced herself to walk normally to the stairs, but once she got to them, she pounded down them, almost at a run. She headed to the pool, blocking her face from the blinding sunlight, trying to remember where she’d left her bag, before she spotted it, propped against the side of the house, and she bent down to grab it.

“I-” Kylo had raced after her, moving just as fast down the stairs, his footfalls, with his larger size, heavy and loud and somewhat intimidating, especially since Rey’s nerves were already shot. “I can help you- you can change and I’ll get you a to-go bag.”

“Oh,” Rey swatted the air like it was no big deal. Kylo was blocking the exit, and she wanted to be as nice and smooth as possible, play it cool with him. And then leave, and deal with her emotions later. She could tell by the way her words came out that she was still a bit tipsy. “I’ll be fine.”

And with that, she slid around Kylo, in the small gap between him and the doorframe, not waiting for him to move this time. And then she walked quickly down the hall, to the front door, and she could hear Kylo following behind. 

She wrenched the front door open and tried to slam it shut behind her but Kylo was right there, and he caught it with his hand. “Rey, you should-”

“Thanks, Kylo, see you later,” she trilled, wrenching open her car door. She was grateful for the moment that she hadn’t locked her car this time, because she was fairly certain that any burglars would go after the Solos’ Range Rover before they ever touched her little beater. She was trying to sound cheerful, and she gave Kylo a little wave as she threw herself into the car. 

He looked bewildered, and he called out her name one more time before Rey managed to shut the door. She instantly started the engine, threw the car in reverse, and then put it in drive and raced down the driveway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! I really wasn't sure how to capture this moment between them and kind of agonized over it so I hope I did okay. Your reviews fuel me and keep me motivated, so if you would like a new chapter please lemme know. It's my version of coffee :) Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I was originally going to make this two chapters but I figured you guys probably wanted to get to the action... so I slammed them together and here ya go!

Rey was staring blankly at her laptop screen. A video was playing- a clip from the show “Kitchen Nightmares”, where Gordon Ramsey had discovered month old guacamole in a restaurant walk in and predictably begun shouting at everyone. She’d been watching youtube for the past 8 hours and it was now 4:30pm. She’d woken up at 7:45 am, despite going to bed at 2am the night before, and try as she might, she’d been unable to go back to sleep. And every time she closed her eyes and tried to will herself to sleep, she’d get flashes of images from the night before. Kylo, standing shirtless by the pool, his muscles delineated in the light, mixing the margaritas. Kylo, when she’d glanced over at him and seen him staring at her while she floated. Kylo, lifting her up and carrying her up the stairs to put her on that bed, stepping into the house and into the light again.

She squeezed her eyes shut to block them out and refocused on the video. He was now rummaging around the back of the appliances, pulling out a grease trap which was slimy and caked in brown residue. He threw it at the head of the chef, the music building up to a crescendo as he did so.

Rey felt the anxiety rising like bile in her throat, the familiar feeling of panic that had been with her since yesterday morning.

What had she done? No, seriously- what had she done?

She refocused on the video, which showed an extremely angry head chef now screaming back at Gordon Ramsey, both their faces turning red with rage.

He’s underage. The thought broke through Rey’s mental barrier before she had a chance to block it out, and Rey finally tossed her laptop to the side, letting it land on the other side of her bed.

It was futile. The feelings she’d been blocking out all weekend- they were setting in, whether she wanted to acknowledge them or not.

Rey pushed herself up and out of bed, moving past the empty box of Cheez-Its that had been her only sustenance that day. That, and a can of her dad’s Hormel chili. They were out of groceries, and Rey had planned to go Saturday morning, but she’d been too upset to do anything. And food was the last thing on her mind. So this whole weekend, she’d spent worrying in her room, until the hunger got too pressing and then she’d go into the kitchen and grab some junky processed food that she’d never usually eat.

Luckily, her parents had both had to work all weekend, and they didn’t eat as healthy as she did, so they didn’t mention the lack of fresh produce.

Rey was grateful for small blessings.

She hunched over on the bed, clutching her stomach. What was she going to do?

The thoughts that were the most intrusive and pressing were of the legal consequences. What if people found out? Rey knew it was illegal to sleep with anyone underage. She’d also knew that there were “Romeo and Juliet” laws in certain states that might cover her. But she’d seen too many episodes of Dateline to be willing to google it- it would be a sure sign of guilt if the cops did ever arrest her and seize her laptop.

Her fingernails had been cut down to the quick, from gnawing on them out of nerves. Rey wasn’t the kind of girl to have a perfect manicure every day, but this was a new level. She’d painted them a blue color last week, and they were now a chipped and jagged mess, bitten down as short as they’d ever been.

Even if she was covered by the Romeo and Juliet laws, she knew it was unethical and highly looked down upon to sleep with your student. She was essentially Kylo’s teacher, and she was in a position of trust.

Her mind flashed with news stories of 40 year old teachers sleeping with their pupils. She imagined what would happen if she was arrested- surely it would be the most exciting and newsworthy thing that had happened in Jakku for years. The media always seemed to like featuring those kinds of stories, and Rey wondered if NBC- Dateline, perhaps- would send a camera crew to film her.

She had an image of herself, running from her house, covering her head with a cardigan, the footage grainy, with some young newsguy in a button down and slicked back hair running after her. “Why’d you do it?” he’d shout, as she slammed the door behind her and hit the gas. It would be all over youtube, and everyone would see it. Her former classmates might give interviews, talking about “She was such a nice girl, we never expected it.”

Or maybe “She was a stuck up snob, we always knew she was hiding some stuff.” She knew some of her classmates at Jakku did think she was stuck up, because she was so focused on getting out of town and getting off to a real college and not drinking or going wild because of it. Those were the kids that had stopped inviting her to their parties a long time ago. When she thought about it, really thought about it, there were probably a few people who didn’t like her, who would only have mean things to say if Keith Morrison showed up on their doorstep with a camera crew.

But even if it never made the news, the fact that Kylo was Leia’s son- she cringed and put her face in her hands. If Leia ever found out….

Leia was, by far, the most influential person in Jakku. The Solos were, together, but Leia knew everyone. The mayor was important, sure, but not compared to Leia. She ran two charities that basically kept the low income in their town, including her parents, afloat. She got featured in national magazines, talking about her business success. You could google her and get real, actual results, not just blurbs about being on the lacrosse team or those “Find A Person” websites. She had a wikipedia entry, as did Han, though his wasn’t as long as hers.

They could live anywhere- probably could afford to have a penthouse in Manhattan, or a big house in LA- or both- if they wanted. And, for whatever, perhaps out of some misplaced sense of loyalty, they stayed in dusty Jakku. Maybe because they got good PR for it, for having “hometown values” and being a “family company” in the national press. Maybe because Leia grew up there, and then she’d met Han when she’d grown up and lived in some big city, Rey didn’t know which one. And she’d come back, and kept the business there, and given Jakku hugely needed tax dollars. And Han helped her run it, and they both brought a lot of money, in terms of both salaries and tax dollars, to a town that desperately needed it.

Technically, it was the Jakku City Government that ran the place, although everyone knew it was really Leia.

And she could just imagine what Leia would say if she ever found out. Found out that the girl she’d hired to tutor her son had actually had sex with him. Leia was the queen bee of Jakku, Rey knew if she got on Leia’s bad side, she could easily turn her name into mud, with one dashed off comment at church or at a charity lunch. Rey’s name would be dirt.

Rey reached for the empty box of Cheez-Its, rummaging around to see if there were any left. Nope, she’d eaten all of them. She kind of already knew that, but she’d still checked, just in case.

She was hungry now, but she didn’t want to go into the kitchen, because she was terrified of running into her parents. She hadn’t showered since she got back- too stressed. She knew she probably reeked of chlorine- and… other substances- and looked like absolute hell, and she didn’t want them to ask if something was wrong. She didn’t know what she would say.

But she was fairly certain they were still at work, so she ducked into the kitchen, searching the pantry for something borderline healthy, since she knew she should have something that wasn’t processed beyond belief.

She found a can of chicken with rice soup towards the back of one of the shelves and took it, grabbing a spoon as well as she walked out of the kitchen and back towards her room.

She shut the door behind her, pried open the lid, and started eating.

It wasn’t just the issue of getting in trouble. Although that was, by far, the main concern.

But why-on earth- had she chosen to lose her virginity to Kylo Ren, of all people?

I mean, she had worried about going to college still a virgin. She wasn’t sure if her dream guy, the Harry Styles lookalike, would appreciate or be excited by a girl who was a virgin. Maybe he would want a girl a bit more experienced, who knew what she was doing. Who was worldly, sophisticated, like him. She’d wondered about that before, sometimes, imagining what she would say if it came up. “I’m from a small town, and there was no one I really liked. Most of the kids are burnouts.”

And then Harry Styles would nod, and say how cute it was that she was from a small town, and you couldn’t tell cause she was so sophisticated anyway, and then they’d make love. And there’d be some kind of cool music playing, like Bon Iver or Sufjan Stevens, and maybe some fairy lights decorating the ceiling that she could look up at.

And of course, none of that had happened, at all, to say the least.

She’d lost her virginity in a pool with Kylo Ren, the school delinquent.

She thought of all the other options of the boys she could have lost it to. Maybe not as great as the Harry Styles lookalike she wanted to meet at school, but still… good, viable options. She thought about Kyle, who had been on the football team in high school and taken her to two dances, homecoming and prom in separate years. He’d always had a crush on her, she knew, and had been something of a star on the team, though not good enough to get a scholarship or anything. He’d ended up working for his father’s lawn business, and Rey sometimes ran into him at the grocery store. He’d had kids with a girl from their year, Hailey, and had been engaged to her, though it was apparently recently called off, and Rey had thought about whether she’d like to try to date him. She knew he still had a crush on her, she could tell from the nervous way he looked at her, and rushed to grab anything heavy for her, open doors for her, that kind of thing. He was a sweetheart, and would have been a good option, if she wasn’t so dead set on leaving Jakku.

Or Richard, who had left Jakku to go to college on the west coast. He’d come back dressing much hipper, wearing beanies and skinny jeans, and he was a bit nerdier than Rey liked, but he’d been smart like her, and they’d shared many classes together. He was tall and really skinny, kind of built like a beanpole, but he was going to be very successful financially, you could tell. He’d texted with Rey a few times since he’d gotten back, mentioning that they should “get drinks”. And Rey had found excuses, because he wasn’t the kind of guy she’d really dreamed of getting with.

But now, compared to Kylo, he seemed like one.

There were other guys too, those were just the ones off the top of her head. Rey knew she had had options, but none of them had seemed great, and then she’d gotten drunk and made the decision without even thinking it through. And made the worst possible choice. A man- a boy- who was known for starting fires in stray garbage cans over town. Whose parents regularly sweet talked the police into letting him get off on charges. Who was known for being assigned detention, and skipping detention. Who apparently had to be switched out of Mr. Mason’s science class because he’d challenged him more than once to a physical fight, and eventually had shoved him, and short Mr. Mason had actually fallen from the force of it, and then was off for the rest of the week and everyone had been worried that he’d been seriously injured.

This was the person she’d chosen to lose her virginity to.

Rey felt a frisson of rage rise in her. Why had she been so stupid? It was the dumbest thing she’d ever done, in her entire life. She didn’t make stupid decisions. She had been reckless before, yes. She’d done spur of the moment things that were thoughtless and wild.

But nothing- nothing- had ever come close to this. It was the stupidest, dumbest move she could have made.

By the time Rey had finished her can of soup, she at least had crafted some kind of a decision in her mind. She was going to have to stop tutoring Kylo, that much was obvious. And he would probably be relieved, because she was sure that he was sick of doing schoolwork for the summer.

She wasn’t sure what she would tell Leia. Perhaps she could make up an excuse about needing to get ready for college or something. Kylo could help- he’d know the kind of excuse his parents would buy and accept without questioning.

She didn’t want to talk to him yet though. Kylo had called her a few times that weekend, which made her feel even more nervous. About 30 minutes after she’d gotten back home on Saturday morning, then an hour later. Then two times in the evening.

And then this morning, he’d called twice. Once, at 8:30am, which Rey found kind of rudely early, and then at noon. Each time, she’d ignored the calls.

He was the last person she wanted to talk to. The last. And she wasn’t wanting to speak to him anytime soon, either.

She wondered what Kylo even wanted to talk about. From what she understood, men were eager to hookup with women and then ever speak to them again. They wanted to get laid and if they never had to see the girl again, then it was a bonus. So it was nice of Kylo, she guessed, to be so concerned with her. Though it was probably awkward for him too- she was, after all, his tutor. Maybe he was afraid she would talk all over town, ruin his chance with other girls. Or his “bad boy” image- he had confessed, after all, to being a virgin.

She reasoned that Kylo would understand if she didn’t show up tomorrow. Again, he’d probably be glad not to have to work. But even though she didn’t intend to give him a heads up, after all the weirdness that had happened between them, he would have to understand why she wasn’t there.

She was going to speak to the real estate firm she worked at tomorrow, and ask to go back to her old hours, leaving at 5pm. She’d been leaving early on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, at 2:30 pm, so she could drive over to the Solos and tutor Ben for an hour at 3. She made more in that hour than she did in the rest of the day at the real estate firm, and Ms. Kowalsi, who owned the firm, had been reluctant at first but had ultimately been fine with her leaving early, considering this was their least busy time of day.

It was going to suck, giving up the $450 extra per week. She knew you weren’t supposed to, but she’d already added up what that would mean over the course of the summer, and begun budgeting for it. It meant she would have a way bigger budget for clothes and extra furnishings, and more wiggle room for spending money when she got to school. She could go out to restaurants and not worry about it, if her new friends wanted to.

But now that was over. And she had already earned a bit extra, and she would try to save it, and ask Ms. Kowalski to make up the time, it wouldn’t be ideal, but it would work out.

At least that’s what she told herself. And by the end, staring at her bedroom wall, she felt a lot better about it. It wasn’t going to be the end of the world, she told herself.

Everyone made mistakes. She didn’t, very often. But she had, and it was a one off, and she could move on and it would be alright.

She took a deep breath, feeling a lot better about it. She got up, and started moving to the bathroom, grabbing her laptop on the way in. She set it up to her latest playlist, and turned on the shower, turning the spout to the hot water side.

She was halfway through taking off her clothes when she heard the ping of her phone. It was a text, this time.

She padded back to her bed, grabbing her phone off the bedside table.

It was a text from Kylo.

“Hey, wanted to talk. If you have to miss tomorrow I’ll have to tell Leia”

That was it. And Rey felt her blood rushing over her. She sank down to the bed, shock coursing over her.

Was that a threat? It sounded like one.

Rey immediately went to text Kylo back, typing out “Is that a threat? How dare you say something like that to me”. She was about to go on, pouring her anger and frustration into the text, when she realized how stupid it would be to text something like that.

She’d watched enough episodes of Dateline, one of her favorite shows. You never, ever sent a guilty text, or even alluded to a crime. Which… a crime was pretty much what Friday night was, in the eyes of the law. Kylo was a minor.

She pressed and held down the delete button, until the text box was clear white again, and then clicked off her phone.

She couldn’t text him. What did he mean anyway? Tell Leia what? That she didn’t show up? That she was sick? Or that… well that Rey had slept with their 17 year old son?

She closed her eyes again, the anxiety and fear from earlier rushing back in waves.

Wasn’t it illegal to threaten people? She had heard about some celebrity who’d been blackmailed with a threat to reveal his affair, and the guy who’d done the blackmailing had gone to jail.

Could she call the cops and show them this text? And they could, at the very least, question Kylo and intimidate him into realizing that threatening people was wrong and illegal.

And then Rey had the image of the cops coming over, and questioning her as to what Kylo would “tell Leia”, and her saying that it was that she’d slept with a 17 year old.

Of course that wouldn’t work, and Kylo knew it.

She felt the bile rise again in her throat, thick and heavy. And she remembered that the water was still running, and ran back to the bathroom, stripping the rest of her clothes off and stepping into the hot water.

She washed slowly, losing track of time, going over her different options and the different scenarios. She let the conditioner soak into her hair until the water ran cold, and brought her back to attention.

When Rey stepped out of the shower, she’d decided. She wasn’t going to text Kylo back, because she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, or have a text record of herself acknowledging his threat.

He’d said he wouldn’t tell Leia unless she missed the meeting tomorrow, so she would go then. And they would have to talk it out, and she’d have to tell him earlier than she’d wanted that she couldn’t tutor him anymore. And after everything, he’d have to understand.

When Rey got into bed an hour later, she was surprised that she fell asleep almost instantly. And it was a deep, black sleep. When she awoke the next morning, she couldn’t remember a single dream she’d had- just a blankness from after her head hit the pillow.

The next day at work seemed to fly by. Usually, this would have been a good thing, but today Rey was dreading her meeting with Kylo. It felt more like she was sitting in a car that was hurtling at 90 mph towards a brick wall. She wanted to slow down, to bail out, but there was no way.

And so, as she went over the real estate documents, filling out forms and calling clients, it was like a drumbeat in her head Kylo Kylo Kylo. Everything went back to him. She actually found herself filling in his name on a client intake form, pressing and holding the DELETE button as hard as she could when she realized her mistake.

She was relieved that Ms. Kowalski wasn’t in that morning, if only so that she wouldn’t see Rey’s total incompetence. Ms. Kowalski seemed to sense when a person was under stress and would pick that time to go out and badger them, watching over their shoulder and peppering them with questions.

Luckily, she’d had a last minute client tour- a newly married couple, who wanted to move out of their apartment and into their first house together. They’d been living together for 6 years and together for 8, before the guy had finally proposed, and Rey couldn’t help but find it highly unromantic. Their budget was extremely small, which meant Ms. Kowalski would be showing them pretty much every run down split-level that was for sale. And there were a lot of them, here in Jakku.

At least that would keep her occupied, Rey thought, staring blankly into space for the umpteenth time that day.

Her thoughts kept going back to Kylo, no matter how hard she tried to redirect it, and it became an exhausting process, like trying to keep a dog on a leash from running off. By the time lunch rolled around, Rey was craving some big, complicated project- something to keep her mentally busy rather than mindless busywork.

Ms. Kowalski came in around 1pm, breezing past Rey’s reception desk and heading into her office. She didn’t acknowledge Rey, just sighed and complained about “these cheap Jakku people have no right to be picky- you’d think they had the budget to buy the Taj Mahal.”

Rey half listened to her ranting- she knew it wasn’t really directed at her, just Ms. Kowalski’s typical way of blowing off steam.

It was now early afternoon and Rey could feel her stomach rumbling. She wasn’t strictly “hungry”- food seemed horribly unappetizing, with the stress she felt. But she could feel her hunger pains starting, and she wanted to have something in her stomach when she met with Kylo. She usually brought her lunch, but that day she’d been too stressed to rummage around and find something to bring. Besides, the only food that was left was her dad’s junk, and she’d eaten most of the palatable options over the weekend.

So she waited for a pause in Ms. Kowalski’s angry mumbling, and called to her she was going to run out and grab some food. That was rare for her- Rey usually tried to save money by bringing healthy stuff from home. Rey grimaced at the thought that she needed the money even more now than she had before- now that she wouldn’t be getting the Solo checks three times a week. Wasn’t it ironic? That the money she’d gotten from Kylo would now be sabotaged by what she’d done with Kylo?

She climbed in her car and headed over to the local supermarket. She really wanted to go to the salad place nearby, but that was expensive, and she definitely couldn’t afford it now.

She grabbed a wilted looking salad from the deli section of the grocery store. It was iceberg lettuce, with a diced boiled egg and some sad looking strips of ham, with a little plastic cup of ranch dressing on the side. The label said that it was a “Chef’s Salad” but Rey could only imagine the kind of depressed and possibly drug addicted chef that would turn out something like this. It was $5.99, and Rey knew it had probably cost the store 30 cents to throw together, but she didn’t have the time to come up with anything else.

All her brain power was going towards her meeting with Kylo- what she would say, what he would say, what he wanted from her. A point proven by the near accident she got in on her way back, almost running a red light and stopping inches away from plowing into the side of another car at an intersection. The driver was laying on their horn, even though she was at his side, not in front of him, and made a variety of obscene and angry gestures. Rey waved apologetically, forcing herself to take a deep breath. She was relieved it was no one she knew- that was less embarrassing, at least. And she took extra caution on the rest of her drive, double checking every street she turned into and every traffic sign.

By the time she got back to the office, Ms. Kowalski seemed to have regained her magical ability to sense when a person was stressed, and she began peppering Rey with questions. Rey found herself unable to recall even the most obvious details, and she was barely able to eat her salad, because she kept rifling through papers to get the answers. They weren’t even pressing questions, or time sensitive, or in any way relevant. But Ms. Kowalski always did this, and Rey knew better than to complain or try to talk back. She simply searched for the answers, hearing Ms. Kowalski giver her signature exasperated sigh every time she messed one up.

As much as Rey hated it, by the time it was time to leave for the Solos’, Rey realized that she’d been sufficiently distracted from thinking about Kylo. It was the first time all weekend that she’d gone any amount of time without thinking about him, and she felt a sense of relief- at least she could not think of him. At least it was possible.

On her drive over, Rey rehearsed the things she wanted to say. She had no way of knowing exactly why Kylo wanted her to come over, but she had answers for various things he might bring up. Kylo had said it was his “first time”- she could remember that through the fog of the night. If he was overly emotional about her taking his virginity, she would apologize and remind him that it was the same for her, and that she hadn’t imagined losing it in a pool either. If he was planning on telling Leia, out of guilt or something, she was going to reassure him that nothing bad had happened and that Leia didn’t need to know, wouldn’t want to know. If he was dead set on going to the police- well, that was the tricky one. Rey didn’t quite know how she would talk him out of it- maybe threaten him that he could go to jail for underage drinking? Although they both knew that wasn’t true- Leia’s influence was far too strong in Jakku for Kylo to get in trouble for anything at all, let alone something as small as underage drinking.

But Rey could try, she thought. She had to try.

She was thinking strongly of becoming a lawyer, that was the path Rey thought she wanted to go down. And so this could be a good practice, she reasoned to herself. She was going to go in there and present her argument, and say what she needed to say, and she was a good public speaker, so maybe she would win, and Kylo would go along with her, and she could put this embarrassing chapter to bed, and never have to think of it again.

And if anyone asked her how she lost her virginity, she would lie, she thought to herself. No one had to know about the whole sordid thing, about the summer night in the pool in the dark.

When she finally turned into the Solos’ driveway, she could feel her adrenaline fully coursing through her. All the thoughts of what Kylo could say, what he might say, what he might not say, what he would say, were running through her mind, going a million miles an hour.

She felt slightly sick, as she passed through the hedge of trees and it finally opened up, revealing the Solo mansion, standing huge and proud in the summer sunlight. She felt on edge, and nauseous, her whole body primed for confrontation.

Rey had just put the car in park when she saw the door open and Kylo step out. He stood at the top of the steps, watching her car.

Creepy, Rey thought. He’d never done that before. He must have been watching as she drove down the driveway.

She had wanted to have time to check her face in the mirror, and, most importantly, to give herself one last pep talk, to go over all the points she wanted to make, all the different arguments. She was good at public speaking, she knew that, and this was what she would do whenever she had to do a debate or class presentation. She’d always go through all the possible, most obscure questions someone could ask, just in case. And it had never failed her.

But that was okay- she’d had enough time to think it over in the car, Rey thought. She could do without her final wrap up, as much as she had counted on it.

Rey climbed out of her car, slightly miffed at the lack of privacy, feeling Kylo staring at her. She deliberately took extra time, checking her backseat as if she might have left something back there, though all Rey needed was her bag, which she was carrying.

And then she trudged up towards him, moving slowly, her expression a hard mask. She suddenly wanted, needed, Kylo to know that she was annoyed.

The plan, all along, had been to be overly sweet, to be reassuring. To be the kind hearted tutor with a heart of gold, that she’d been up until Friday afternoon. To take Kylo by the hand, give him a hug, apologize, and part as friends.

But with the way Kylo was staring at her, watching openly as she walked up the steps, his expression almost wary, as if she had done something wrong, or as if he expected her to do something wrong, it was sparking little flames of anger in her mind.

Rey reached the top step, and she looked up at Kylo. He was so tall, that even though they were now on equal ground, she still had to stare up at him, her neck craning up at an almost 180 degree angle. Rey felt another flick of annoyance at this. She was older, and Kylo was supposedly working under her- she was in charge. And yet, with his physicality, it made her feel almost like a little girl, craning her neck to see him, him staring down at her.

It had never annoyed her before, but in this moment, it was maddening, as was everything Kylo did, and Rey reminded herself to stay calm, not to loose her cool. She had a mission, and she needed to stay cordial to accomplish it.

Rey didn’t speak, and neither did Kylo, and then he was pushing the door open, holding it open for her, and Rey marched through it.

Once again, Rey felt a flame of bitter amusement rise up in her. With how he watched her since she had arrived, and not said a word to her, and pushed the door open for her to silently pass through, he was behaving like he was a prison warden. He had an expression on his face of watchfulness, like he expected her to do something crazy at any moment, and had to keep an eye on her.

It was so unbelievably condescending, Rey thought bitterly. And pretty ironic, coming from the guy who would have a criminal record a mile long if not for his parents’ money.

Meanwhile, she was the perfect student. And yet she was now being treated, by Kylo of all people, like she was the troublemaker.

At a different time, she might have laughed at the absurdity of it, the incredibly amount of entitlement Kylo must feel to treat her that way.

But, she was in no laughing mood- and nor was Kylo, given his expression.

And so they passed silently down the hall, Rey reminding herself that she needed to do this, needed to get it right, needed to be as polite as possible. And if Kylo was rude to her- she would take it. She just needed to get his silence, no matter what.

And then she could leave, and never think of him again, and be free.

They reached the conservatory and Rey sat down at her usual bench, throwing her bag down next to her.

Kylo sat in his usual place, the bench perpendicular to hers, but this time he sat closer, the sides of his thighs brushing against Rey’s knees.

Rey shifted her legs sideways, and scooted further down the bench, until she didn’t feel him against her.

It was an instant reaction, one driven by indignance when she’d felt Kylo’s legs against hers. But she reminded herself- she had to be nice, she had to be on his good side.

But remembering that was difficult, because now that Kylo was sitting across from her, any possible fear or nervousness she’d felt seemed to have vanished. She didn’t know why that was- technically he should be intimidating, to anyone with a functioning brain cell. Technically, speaking to him in person should be a million times more scary than texting him- he was so big, with the aura of darkness that seemed to perpetually float around him, his body taking up an inordinate amount of space at the table, making it look almost small in comparison.

But suddenly, facing him she suddenly felt nothing but anger. That he had threatened her into coming over- she hadn’t fully processed it before, because she was so worried about all the trouble Kylo could cause her. But now that she was feet away from him, looking right at him, it was all she could think of.

He had threatened her.

And she was angry. The thought occurred to her that maybe Kylo was doing this on purpose. Maybe he was planning to turn her into the police no matter what, and this was just a cat playing with his dinner. Maybe he was recording her, even now. It happened all the time on Dateline- someone would go in with a wire to get a confession from someone. The criminal would end up spilling everything, and when they tried to leave the TGI Fridays or wherever the little talk had taken place, a dozen cop cars would turn their lights on, screaming “Get down on your hands and knees!” And that would be that.

Rey knew she had a good reputation in Jakku. Perhaps Kylo had known that she was a virgin, maybe the other kids talked about it. Although, Rey thought, she wasn’t sure which of her friends would overlap with Kylo’s group- the troublemakers, the bad kids. She felt almost disgust at the thought of it- at the kids she’d worked so hard to avoid in high school, the ones who would smoke back outside the arts building. Of course, those kids ended up at the same parties, with the good kids who were also popular, because they provided the booze and drugs. But Rey had always gone out of her way to avoid them, not to get mixed up with them, and no one in her year had been anywhere as bad as Kylo.

But people talked in Jakku, and maybe he had found out. And maybe it had been a game to him, a joke- sleep with Rey the virgin and then get her thrown in jail for it. She knew there were people in Jakku who thought she was stuck up, a snob, a goody-goody. Maybe this was the goal- throwing her off the pedestal.

And Kylo was just the one to do it. He was a bad, bad guy, Rey thought bitterly. He did bad things, like threaten to beat up teachers, start fights and the like. Would it be so crazy that he’d come up with this little scheme? He was bored, and rich, and his parents got him out of all the trouble he’d usually get into. Why not step it up, cause a little more chaos than the usual stealing from the liquor store or lighting trash cans on fire?

She narrowed her eyes at him, feeling her bitterness pour through her, hoping Kylo could sense it, could feel it. He always seemed to be projecting his own emotions so strongly, painting over everyone else’s feelings with his own. Well, now it was her turn. She let every bit of the rage she felt pour through her eyes towards him holding his gaze, folding her hands neatly in front of her like she was going into a business negotiation.

She had wanted to be nice, to be sweet. To negotiate and convince Kylo that he shouldn’t go ahead with and they should part as friends and let bygones be bygones. But now, seeing Kylo, seeing his plaintive, almost dumbly open expression, she felt nothing but anger and bitterness rise in her, hot and uncontrollable.

But she forced herself to remain silent. She wouldn’t go on a rant like Ms. Kowalski did. No, she would let him talk first, since he’d insisted that they meet today. She stared at him, her eyes narrowed and challenging, her mouth set in a hard line. If he was going to turn her in she wouldn’t beg him, she promised herself. She wouldn’t lower herself. No, she could be ushered into the cop car with head held high.

Kylo looked nervous, his mouth opening in a silent gulp, like he was going to say something, before he shut it again. And yet he held her gaze, staring back, although there was nothing angry about it, not like Rey’s.

Rey forced herself not to look away. He could look away, he could speak first, it wouldn’t be her.

“Rey,” he finally breathed out. He said it cautiously, almost reverently, and Rey narrowed her eyes further. She wouldn’t be drawn in by him.

He seemed to realize that she wasn’t going to answer him, so he continued. “I’m glad you came.”

She wasn’t, Rey thought. She didn’t want to be here, across from him, and she wouldn’t have come if not for his threats. She said nothing, but hoped this thought was conveyed in her harsh expression, the hard, unhappy line her mouth was set in.

“I, um- I was afraid you weren’t going to come,” he said. For the first time, he broke eye contact, looking down at the table, and he looked almost sheepish.

Rey felt her anger sizzling even more. He’d threatened her, and now he was acting like a confused little kid? It was an act, she was sure of it. Everyone said he was trouble, and she hadn’t listened. And she could feel the bitterness of that in her mouth, thick and sour.

“I wasn’t going to,” she said. The words slipped out before she had a chance to reign them back in, and Rey cursed her inability to remain silent. She often spoke before she thought it through, especially when she was mad, and now she’d said it. It wasn’t a good negotiating tactic, to insult the other person, Rey knew that. And yet she hadn’t been able to help herself.

Kylo looked up at her, meeting her eyes, and it was like a shutter passed in front of his face, a curtain being pulled to cover a window, a door being shut and the lock turned. And he no longer looked like the sweet and begging child that he had just moments earlier. She saw a spark in his eyes, a little burst of fire, a challenge. And suddenly the openness, the rawness from earlier, was gone, replaced with something more controlled.

There it was, Rey thought. The monster everyone knew.

“You left, Saturday morning,” Kylo said. Now his gaze was penetrating, questioning, probing. No longer ashamed, but defiant. “I tried calling...” He let his words trail off, and his expression was impassive, casual, yet there was something to his tone of voice- an accusation, a self-righteousness.

Rey felt the flickering anger in her again. Now he was acting like she’d done something wrong by… leaving? What was she supposed to do- move in?

And Kylo knew exactly why she hadn’t answered- because a crime had occurred! And she’d committed it, and she wanted to leave it behind, forget about it.

He knew this, which was why he’d blackmailed her into being there.

“I’ve been… busy,” Rey said. She kept her tone cold, steely. Her eyes remained on Kylo’s, meeting his stare with her own.

“Doing what?” Kylo asked. He glanced down at the table as he asked, his expression carefully blank, looking to any impartial observer like he was completely casual and relaxed. But Rey knew better, and there was a sharpness to his tone of voice, a kind of demand, as if she was a criminal being questioned in court, and he was the opposing attorney, or possibly even the judge.

And as appropriate as that scenario might be, Rey didn’t like that. She wasn’t on trial here- they’d done the same thing, Rey thought to herself.

“Nothing of your concern,” she responded.

Kylo’s eyes shot up immediately, meeting hers, and any casualness or reserve was gone, and he looked angry, as angry as she felt.

“It is my concern, actually,” he said. “You’re supposed to be my tutor, and my mom is paying you a lot of money-”

Rey scoffed loudly. Of course he would use the money card, holding that over her head. In the moment, money was the last thing she could think of, even though she knew she should be thinking of it. She should probably be apologizing profusely and promising to leave her phone on at all times in case Kylo got any midnight grammar questions.

“She is,” Kylo said, looking outraged. “She paying you a lot of money, and you’re supposed to come here three times a week, and you won’t even respond to my texts!”

“Kylo!” Rey shouted back, raising her voice. “I can’t keep coming! Don’t you realize that? This is crazy!”

Kylo stared at her, looking stunned. His mouth was shut tightly, and he looked cautious, almost scared.

Rey realized she’d raised her voice, and, though she was certainly no physical match for Kylo, she felt bad for startling him. He looked very young in that moment- young and hurt.

He hadn’t brought up her breaking the law, Rey realized. He hadn’t mentioned that he could throw her in jail, or that he was extorting her or anything like that. 

Maybe Kylo just really… wanted a tutor, Rey thought. Strange as it seemed, there was a certain closeness between them, and, even though Kylo had all kinds of friends, and was the leader of his little crew at Jakku High, there seemed to be a deep loneliness underpinning him, an endless well of need.

And maybe he’d just wanted someone to be there for him, three times a week, someone who wouldn’t encourage him to break into abandoned buildings for fun or douse objects in Everclear and then set them on fire.

Rey placed a hand on her temple, letting herself think. Finally, she reached across the table, placing her hand over Kylo’s. He looked startled, moving his hand out so that she could reach his more easily.

“Listen, Kylo,” she said, keeping her tone calm and soothing. “I think we both made a mistake on Friday. And, I know it’s probably hard, but the best thing we could do is just leave it behind, and go our separate ways. Obviously neither one of us was thinking clearly- that’s for sure- and I personally feel really bad about what happened. I mean, you’re...” She struggled for the right words to say. She didn’t want to come right and say ‘underage’ in case there was an actual wire, although that likelihood seemed less and less, unless Kylo was an Oscar-worthy actor. “Obviously young, and… well, I feel horribly bad, in every way a person can feel bad. I just…” Again she paused, searching for the best way to say it. “I just think in situations like this the best thing to do is to admit you messed up and move on. And so that’s what we should do. That’s what we’re going to do.” With this, she offered Kylo a tentative smile. Actually, she was feeling a lot better. Her little inspirational speech was even working on herself. “And we’re going to move on and I can give Leia the name of some other people who I know would make good tutors. There’s Peter- I don’t know if you ever met him, but he’s really nice, and super smart, and at a really good school now but he’s home for the summer. Or Larissa- did you know her? She got straight As and spoke at our graduation ceremony. I’ll talk to Leia about them. We’re going to be okay.”

She paused, enjoying the feeling of well being that was growing in her chest. It was a good speech, she knew it. She’d had to give many talks in front of various classes and she knew when she’d bombed it and when she’d aced it. And she was usually a good public speaker, but this- this was good. It was the perfect, diplomatic way of addressing things, and there was no way Kylo could say anything bad about it.

Kylo looked like he was processing things, his face carefully blank. He looked kind of stunned, and his expression hadn’t changed much from before when she’d started talking. He was just studying her face, and Rey felt a little bubble of anticipation forming around them, kind of like the feeling the air got in the summer right before a big lightning storm.

She found herself wishing he would say something, anything, to break the silence. But she reminded herself that he probably needed time to think about it, to accept that things would have to be different. To rack his brain from the Jakku High students from her year, and remember Peter and Larissa.

The silence seemed to hang so heavy now, the seconds ticking slowly by, with no movement or acknowledgement from Kylo. Just the strange buzz of anticipation she felt from him, forming around them, building up.

“And, of course, we can stay friends,” she blurted out. She wasn’t even really thinking over what she was saying, just trying to say something, anything, to break the oppressive silence, the heavy sense of something coming that seemed to pervade the room. “We can let bygones be bygones, and stay friendly. I’m always looking for new friends,” She smiled encouragingly at him again. “And you and I can be good friends.”

Suddenly it was like something clicked in Kylo. Once again, something flitted in front of his eyes, but this time it was like the door was unlocked, the curtains and windows thrown open, the wind flowing in.

The heavy sense of anticipation seemed to crackle into action- and Rey had a moment to think “Now, it’s happening.” But what? But what was happening?

And in the next moment Kylo had flipped his hand over, so that her hand was no longer resting lightly and comfortingly on top of his, but rather his was weighing heavily on top of hers, his much larger hand wrapping around hers, holding it in place.

And Rey was so startled by this that she inadvertently tried to pull her hand away- an instinctual reaction that she didn’t think through, she was just so surprised by his sudden movement, her hand being suddenly enveloped and swallowed.

But Kylo wouldn’t let her hand go, he simply held it tightly, his grip surprisingly strong. And Rey had a moment to furrow her brows in question, her expression questioning, staring at Kylo with bewilderment, before she forced herself to still, and realized how rude it was, to snatch her hand away, as if he were diseased or something.

But why wouldn’t he let her pull her hand back? This thought was able to form before Kylo was speaking, his voice deep and certain, staring at her with the same openesss from before. But he no longer looked young, and sad, and vulnerable. No, he looked determined, and, if anything, angry.

“I want to keep studying with you,” he said. His hold on her hand was secure, strong, even when Rey, once again, tried to tug it back.

“Kylo, I don’t think-”

“And I want you to be my girlfriend,” he said. “For the summer.”

Rey mouth fell open in shock. His… his girlfriend?

Of all the things Kylo could have said, this would have been the last she expected.

She wasn’t sure what to say. She stared at Kylo, her mouth hanging open in a kind of horror, but his gaze was steady and unflinching.

She kept expecting him to say he was kidding, to go back to the lighthearted Kylo that she’d known. But that was gone, and Kylo seemed to have no doubts whatsoever about what he was saying, his hand holding hers firmly.

Rey couldn’t think of anything to say, anything at all. And in the next moment, she felt it wash over her- panic, and anger, again, full and hot, at Kylo, for putting her in this position.

And the next thing she knew she was ripping her hand from Kylo’s, and standing up from the table, the bench scraping back with the force of her movements. She felt a moment of surprise that Kylo had even let her go, but then she was reaching for her bag, snatching up and throwing it over her shoulder and heading for the door.

Kylo was standing up too now, but he was a moment behind her, and she could hear his bench scraping as she ran through the doorway to the hall. And then she was running down the hall, making her way through memory through the dark space, and then she had her hand on the knob and she was pulling it open.

And then she heard it.

“I’ll tell my mom,” Kylo said.

He wasn’t shouting, and there was something low and tremulous about it, but Rey heard it loud and clear. Kylo’s voice had such a deep quality that it could seem to boom even when he was speaking normally, and this was no different.

She had been half in the sunlight, ready to race down the steps to her car, but she froze, mid-stride.

Rey paused, feeling herself frozen with horror. Then she turned around, unable to keep the rage or shock off her face.

“You wouldn’t,” she bit out.

“I will, I’ll call her now,” Kylo said. There was an angry bravado to how he said it that left Rey in no doubt that he actually would do it. His expression was defiant, challenging.

Rey looked away, staring down at the ground, weighing her options. She had none. If Kylo told Leia, she, the most socially connected and respected woman in town, could and would make her name mud in about three seconds. It would be over- everything. There would be no way to keep it a secret- and surely Leia would be angry, given how many efforts she went to to protect her “sweet” Kylo from getting into trouble.

She’d tell others about it, and the whole town would talk, and either a police investigation would be formally launched, or her schools would get wind of it, and her scholarship and invitation to attend would be revoked.

She felt the bitter certainty of defeat, rising in her mouth, her mouth twisting against the sour taste.

It was over.

She looked back up at Kylo, her eyes narrowed, anger pouring through her.

“Fine,” she spat.

Before Kylo could say anything else, she’d turned and was running to her car, throwing the door open. She hit the accelerator as hard as she could, not looking back the whole way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely reviews and as always please if you feel up to it let me know what you thought! Your reviews fuel me and keep me going whenever I get into a writing funk 😊 still dealing with the move so I am trying to find time whenever I can!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the lack of update! I've been super busy with my move, which has been a bit of a nightmare to be honest, as all moves seem to inevitably be! And of course there's so much going on in the real world, it's been hard to find any time to write or edit. So I was planning to do a bit more editing on this, and it's kinda short, but I wanted to give you guys something especially since this is such a difficult/stressful time for all. I will probably go ahead and post another chapter fairly soon since it is mostly ready to go, and I feel bad for having been gone for so long. So anyway... please enjoy and as always, any feedback is so appreciated! <3

Rey spent the weekend processing Kylo’s words. 

She’d agreed in the moment, but now she barely knew what she’d agreed to. To… be his girlfriend? What did that entail? Was it like a third grade version of boyfriend and girlfriend, where you held hands and saved each other seats in the cafeteria?

Or was he expecting… something more? 

The thought horrified her, and she kept pushing it away. She was being paid by the hour, so she was pretty sure that would make her… a prostitute. 

And she was not a prostitute. The idea was insulting, horrifying, to even think that Kylo could expect that from her.

But all she had were his words, “I want you to be my girlfriend.” 

They played over and over in her head, and by the time Monday rolled around, she didn’t have any more answers.

The burning anger she’d felt on Friday had bled into Saturday, but had lost steam sometime on Sunday morning. It was simply too much to keep up. She’d wanted to throttle Kylo, when she’d first come home, but as the weekend passed she felt that anger replaced by doubt and confusion.

.  
.

Work seemed to trudge by at a snail’s pace. Rey prided herself on being quick thinking and smart, so she was usually able to whip through her work fairly efficiently, usually ending the day scrolling through trashy news sites while Ms. Kowalski was in her office.

Not since Kylo’s little ultimatum. Her work on Tuesday and Wednesday was as bad as it had been on Monday, with Rey feeling like she was barely functioning. Her work involved filling out a lot of mindless real estate forms, which usually took about as much brain power as eating an apple. But she seemed to get every document wrong, starting them over each time until she finally gave up and just started white-outing the mistakes. 

And Ms. Kowalski, as annoying and clueless as she could be, was incredibly perceptive when it came to Rey’s emotional state. She seemed to have a radar for when Rey was not performing at her best, and this was no exception. She repeatedly would come in to ask endless questions about clients and go over her work, and Rey felt like she could barely formulate a sentence. Her mind swam with thoughts of Kylo, Kylo, Kylo, like a war drum pounding in her head.

By lunchtime on Wednesday, Rey’s dread of meeting with Kylo had been somewhat replaced by her desire to escape Ms. Kowalski, who was barging in to the reception area with greater and greater frequency. Technically it was her office, and she could go anywhere, but she had taken to standing over Rey’s chair, wordlessly staring while Rey went about her work, staring daggers every time Rey picked up the little pot of white out.

So when it was finally time to leave, at 2:30pm, Rey didn’t feel as awful about it as she’d expected. In fact, she was practically thrilled to leave, her haste to get away from Ms. Kowalski temporarily overwhelming everything else. 

On the drive over she thought of everything that she wouldn’t do with Kylo. She wasn’t going to do anything sexual with him, if that’s what he thought of her. She wouldn’t be sleeping with him- she wasn’t a prostitute. She wouldn’t be consuming any more alcohol with him- certainly not- nor swimming with him. Nothing that involved a change of clothes that was less clothing than she had arrived in. In fact- no change of clothes, period. There was no need for it.

She had hashed out a speech she would give him if he asked for sex. It wasn’t something she wanted to text him- in fact, from her obsessive watching of Dateline, she knew never to put anything incriminating in text. But she’d been thinking more and more about Kylo’s words to her, and how insulting they were. She knew that he had her in a tough space. She couldn’t scream at him or just block him, as much as she might want to. She had to remain polite and keep herself in his good graces, because he’d made it clear he would go forward to Leia. And maybe even the authorities, her school or the police.

And so she had to find a way to keep him quiet. But sex was off the table- she was not a prostitute, and she wouldn’t be treated like one.

Rey could feel her blood pressure rising as she got closer and closer to the Solo mansion, and she found herself wishing she could go back to the sterility of Ms. Kowalski’s office, back to being glared at for every heavily white-outed and edited paper she handed in.

By the time Rey had made it to the end of the Solo’s long driveway, pulling into her usual spot, she was quite certain that her heart was pounding faster than it ever had, and all the stress hormones she’d been trying to moderate with breathing exercises were through the roof.

As she stepped out of her car and shut the door behind her, the front door of the Solo house opened, and Kylo stepped out, watching her expectantly. Almost like he thought she would run away, which Rey had a great urge to do. She had a sudden vision of throwing herself back in the car, shooting down the driveway at 60 mph, and letting the chips fall where they may.

But no… she couldn’t do that. She had to manage the situation, to prevent it from morphing into a full blown catastrophe. And manage it she would, no matter how what she had to do. She reminded herself of that. She was strong, she would get through it. 

So she turned to face Kylo, giving him a face which she opened came off as cold and intimidating.

She strode down the path leading to the house, each stone carefully arranged to form a kind of charming cottage aesthetic, with flower bushes framing either side. Which was ridiculous, Rey thought bitterly, considering the Solos lived in a literal mansion, a huge mansion at that, and there was nothing cottage like about it, try as they might to pass the whole thing off as some cute little English looking place.

She distracted herself with this thought as she walked down the path, keeping her eyes glaring at the stones rather than looking at Kylo. When she reached the front door, she looked past Kylo, deliberately avoiding his eyes, and brushed past him efficiently. She was walking the way she imagined a top level executive would walk on their way to fire several employees- or perhaps a lawyer would walk before delivering their winning argument. Professional, fierce- intimidating.

She moved straight past Kylo, and as she passed him, she felt a fleeting hand brush her arm, almost as if he was going to pull her to him, and she flinched away from it and kept moving, acting as if she hadn’t felt a thing.

She strode down the hallway, fully embodying her “tough bitch that means business” persona, and dumped her bag on the table, rifling through it and pulling out their schoolwork. She was going to pretend it was business as usual, and Kylo would have to say something if he had any other activity in mind. And if he did, she was going to have a mouthful for him.

She waited, staring down at her books, trying to control her breathing and keep her anxiety and anger at bay. Her frustration with the situation was growing up into all consuming inferno. The fact that Kylo had forced her to be there, with threats, after taking her virginity… and now she had to sit there and talk with him as if he was some normal, nice guy. Do more than talk, actually. It was almost an insult, and it made her enraged.

All Rey could think, all she had been thinking over the past few days, was that she should have listened. Why didn’t she listen, to all the chatter around town about how awful Kylo was, how violent, how out of control? 

And now here she was, sat opposite him, with him threatening her and holding her life in his hands. All these thoughts swam bitterly in her head as Kylo made his way into the room and sat at the bench parallel to hers, his eyes staying on her, looking plaintive and almost concerned.

She stared back, letting some of her anger pour through her eyes. He would know, at least, that she wasn’t going down with a fight, and she would not just smile at him and do his easy bidding.

She waited for him to break the silence, to mention that he wanted to take it up to the bedroom or something. He was going to have to say it, and Rey almost looked forward to it, so she could finally launch into her prepared speech.

But Kylo took his own folder, where it had been placed on his bench, and opened it to the thought where they’d left off. 

“You just want me to start?” 

Rey nodded, trying to keep her expression stony. But she was surprised and a bit flummoxed. She’d come in waiting and ready for confrontation, and it seemed like Kylo only wanted her to legitimately tutor him. Like nothing had really changed.

She still felt on edge, and she waited as he worked, waited for him to turn to her, and ask her to go to his bedroom, or some such similar comment- she wasn’t sure how anyone would word such a gross proposition. 

But Kylo merely finished his work, and moved on to the next worksheet he had to fill out, passing her the old one for her to check over. 

And before she knew it, Rey was googling some of the answers she wasn’t 100% certain on, and she could feel her heartbeat returning back to normal, slowing back into her usual steady rhythm. 

And this is how they spent the next hour, with Rey flinching every time Kylo turned to her, at first, constantly expecting, almost hoping, for him to make her some nasty proposal. And yet he never did, and the hour passed as normal. And by the end, as much as Rey wanted to stay alert and intimidating, she was certain she’d burned through all the adrenaline that her body possessed. She felt almost weak, now that the time had passed of cortisol and stress hormones flooding her body, priming it for action.

Now there was just her, and Kylo, and none of the bravado that she’d felt when she’d entered the place.

Still, she schooled her expression into a stoic one, and she hoped Kylo couldn’t sense how tired she suddenly felt, how unwilling to fight. She hadn’t slept well over the past few days, every waking moment possessed by panicked thoughts of what Kylo would do, and what she should do in reaction.

Now, it was like the fight had left her, now that Kylo had done none of those things, and she suddenly felt borderline exhausted. And she just wanted to go home, maybe watch some mindless TV, and sleep.

“Well,” Rey said, passing Kylo back his last document. She’d checked it over and he’d made a few mistakes, but it was mostly correct. “I guess we’re done for the day.”

She looked up and Kylo was again staring at her- which he always did when they were working together, whenever he was working on the last document of the day, and he had no new paper to work on while she looked it over. It was kind of like their ritual- Rey could always feel his eyes on her while she finished up their last piece of work. 

But this time, after what had happened, it felt different, and Rey hated the feeling of it. She’d sped through checking the paper, and when she looked up, she kept her face schooled in the professional, businesslike expression she’d worn all day, mustering her flagging energy to try to seem somewhat sharp.

“I guess I should be going, then,” she said. Frankly, she didn’t appreciate Kylo looking at her that way- not anymore. Before it had seemed like a harmless crush, now, given what had happened, it felt wrong.

“Wait,” Kylo said. His hand shot out, wrapping around her arm, holding her there. It was a light grip, but Rey still panicked. Was this the moment? Was he going to ask her now to go to his bedroom, make whatever sick proposition, threaten her?

“Aren’t you gonna stay?” he asked.

Rey swallowed, wondering is this was the proposition. If it was, why wouldn’t he just come out and say it? She half wished he would, so she could tell him off. And she half hoped he would never say something so degrading.

Anyway, she was sick of beating around the bush. She was going to let him know- now.

She cleared her throat. “Listen, Kylo, I want you know that I’m not… well I’m not going to compromise any of my values. I know I said I’d be your-” She didn’t want to say the word, so she didn’t. “But I have my own boundaries.”

For the first time all day, she fully met his eye contact. She wanted him to get the full picture of what she meant, even though she wasn’t using the exact words and was more eluding to things. She stared at him, her eyes boring back into his dark, intense ones, willing him to understand the full measure of what she was saying. 

And Kylo met her gaze and fully returned it, his eyes staring back at her with their fathomless depths. She saw them seem to deepen, something flexing far within them. But it was gone in a flash, and then his face took on a kind of bewildered expression. 

“I was just hoping to play some video games,” he said. “You can pick out the title- or watch a movie, if you’d rather do that. I know a lot of girls don’t like games.”

Rey didn’t, in fact, particularly like games. She’d not played a lot of them, either- her family hadn’t had a video game controller, so her exposure to video games was mostly limited to games of Mario Cart at parties in high school or at friends’ houses.

But that wasn’t the point. She wanted to clarify things- the sooner the better.

“I mean… I don’t really care either way, but…” She gathered her thoughts, trying to think of a diplomatic way of saying it. “I know you asked me to be your girlfriend, and I just wanted to make sure that the girlfriend things that you mean are-”

Kylo cut her off. “Yeah, like hanging out and playing video games,” he said. His face twitched up into a kind of half grin, like he found her amusing. “I mean if that’s not too much for you.”

There was an implication there- or maybe Rey imagined it. That she was a virgin, hopefully unexperienced. That even playing a video game would be outside the realm of her experience. Rey couldn’t help a spiral of shame from weaving through her. Kylo knew that she hadn’t had any other boyfriend, he would know that there was no boy she spent hours lounging around with on lazy summer days, watching Netflix or just hanging out with. Jakku was a small town, and no matter how much you wanted to hide these things, people found out.

Rey knew that she’d had lots of choice in the matter- there were plenty of boys who were interested, and she’d chosen to be single- she reminded herself of that.

But still, the fact remained- she’d never actually had a boyfriend, and, at 22, that was pretty pitiful. Several of the people from her year had real families, with multiple kids, and full adult lives. Meanwhile, she’d been a virgin less than a week ago and hadn’t even had a boyfriend. Wasn’t there a word for that- an “incel” or something?

She could feel the blush flooding her cheeks, betraying her embarrassment, and Rey found she’d lost track of what she wanted to tell Kylo. 

She looked back at him, wanting to, again, seem like the sharp and intimidating businesswoman, but it seemed that moment was lost. He was right, after all, spending a little time playing video games would be no big deal- so long as that was it, and Kylo didn’t make a move on her. And it was a small price to pay- a very small price- to keep Kylo’s silence and keep him from telling the school.

So she swallowed and gave Kylo a kind of agreement shrug. 

Kylo’s face broke into a wide grin. “Excellent!”

He stood up from the table, leaving his papers in the middle, while Rey shoved her books back into her bag.

“It’s this way, I’ll lead you there.”

Rey hadn’t spent a lot of time with Kylo in this room as a kid, so she really had no idea of where they were heading or what to expect. But she followed behind Kylo as he walked down the hall, finally pushing open a door that led to a beautiful dark blue room. There were paintings on the walls, modern art, and a comfortable looking dark blue couch, facing a huge widesceen TV that covered most of the wall. The couch was L-shaped and massive, with plenty of space for her to choose from.

Kylo gestured for her to sit, while he grabbed a remote control from a coffee table in front of the sofa. Rey mentally calculated where the space would be which would give Kylo the least access to her body, in case he tried anything, before sitting down on the shorter side of the couch, the small part of the L, which was, helpfully, closer to the door, in case Kylo tried anything. She kept her knees notched together, and didn’t remove her hand from her bag when she placed it next to her. Small movements that she hoped Kylo didn’t notice, but made her feel much safer. Just in case.

But Kylo didn’t even seem to notice. He’d turned the TV on and was now pressing buttons, different titles flashing on the TV screen.

“So what do you wanna do? Play games or watch something?”

Rey shrugged. Frankly she didn’t care. She just wanted to do whatever Kylo wanted, so she could get out of there, make him happy and not have to worry. And head home and sleep.

“Whatever you want,” she said.

Kylo turned to stare at her, like he was studying her, gauging her. Rey kept her eyes trained on the TV, not wanting to meet his eye contact, not wanting to add anything to this… thing… between them.

“I think we’ll play video games,” he said. “Have you ever played Assasin’s Creed?” 

Rey shook her head. She’d heard of it, but never played it. 

Kylo turned back around, facing the TV and flicking through the different screens. “I have a hunch you’ll like it.”

He pressed buttons until he’d pulled up the right game, and then sat down on the couch, passing Rey a controller that had been on the coffee table.

“So, in this game you’re an assassin in different time periods,” he said. “I remember you saying you like history, right? When we were going over American government?”

Rey glanced over at Kylo. She did like history, but for some reason, she felt uncomfortable with him knowing that. Suddenly, everything about Kylo seemed dangerous to her, and the less he knew the better.

“Yeah, I guess. History’s okay.”

“So you’ll like this, then,” Kylo said.

Kylo started directing her, showing her how to navigate the game, what the different controls did, explaining the objectives. Kylo said there were many version of the game, but this one was set in Louisiana in the mid-1700s. It was a female protagonist, which Rey very much appreciated. There was lot of fighting, and a lot to learn, and even though Kylo set it on the easiest level, Rey’s character died several times right after she entered the game.

But she soon got the hang of it, and Kylo was extremely patient, walking her through everything that she had to know. Before she knew it, Rey felt immersed in the game. Once she defeated her first opponent, Rey felt invigorated, victorious. Triumph surged through her, and she could see why some guys liked video games so much. Kylo had never seemed that type, but he seemed to share her happiness at her win, grinning at her and cheering for her.

Rey was completely involved in her next mission, which involved locating a lost object, when Kylo cleared his throat.

“Hey, look at the time… it’s already been an hour.”

And suddenly Rey was brought back the present. She realized she’d been sitting on the edge of her seat, her legs no longer primly wedged together, and she was grateful she’d worn jeans. She’d become so immersed in the game that she’d completely forgotten herself- and the situation she was in.

She felt a moment of embarrassment- she’d clearly overstayed her welcome, otherwise Kylo wouldn’t have mentioned the time.

She stood up quickly, dropping the controller onto the couch and grabbing her purse.

“Oh, sorry,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I didn’t realize the time had passed so quick.”

“No, it’s fine,” Kylo said. He took a step closer to her, reaching out to lightly touch her arm, and Rey flinched away from him, before she had time to really process what she was doing- it was instinctual. “It’s just that I thought we agreed you would only stay for an extra hour. I told you I’d talk to my mom about paying you for it, remember?” He stared down at her, his eyes looking intently, deliberately, into hers. “I just don’t want to keep you longer than we agreed.”

Once again, the intensity of Kylo’s gaze intimidated her- scared her. He was suddenly close- not uncomfortably so, but about a foot or so away. A normal distance for conversation, but too much after what they had done together. And she was suddenly aware that they were probably alone in this big house, or maybe the housekeeper was off, cleaning something in some distant room. But they were alone in this room, and Rey suddenly felt terribly conscious of it.

“Oh, right, well that’s fine,” Rey said, taking a step back, towards the door. “And, you don’t have to pay me extra for the hour, I mean- all we did was play video games.”

She could really use the money. But still- wasn’t it wrong to take advantage of someone’s mom?

Kylo shrugged, like what she was saying was nonsense. “It’s fine. I mean that’s we agreed to.”

Rey nodded. “Okay, well. I guess I’ll go home now.”

She half expected Kylo to lunge at her, or something. There was something about him that was just so- feral. 

But he didn’t do that. He walked around the other side of the coffee table, away from Rey, to reach the door, and pulled it open, holding it for her.

She walked down the hallway first, navigating her way to the front door, and Kylo followed behind her. At one point she started to make a wrong turn and Kylo corrected her, directing her to the right path.

Kylo walked her out to her car. “Well, thanks for everything today,” he said. 

Rey’s fingers clutched her door handle tightly. She wondered if he would expect a goodbye kiss or something. Thoughts flew through her head- she supposed if he really wanted one, she’d have to give it, because one little kiss was worth it, just to avoid the worst case scenarios, him telling everyone.

“Hug goodbye?” Kylo asked.

Rey nodded stiffly, bracing herself for some move on his part. Maybe pulling her into a kiss- and he was so much stronger than her, she really wouldn’t have a choice. But still, it was what she had to do, so she would do it, and-

And then her thoughts were cut off by Kylo reaching his arms around her. He pulled her into a hug that was relatively light. Their bodies aligned, the front of Rey’s body pressing into the front of Kylo’s. But it only lasted a couple of seconds, and he didn’t pull her in tightly like he could have. And then he released her, and it wasn’t violating or anything.

And then he stepped back, and Rey was sliding into her car, and then she was starting the engine and pulling off.

And she watched Kylo in her rearview mirror as she drove down the driveway.

Really, that wasn’t so bad.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another quick one... but we're building towards something! BTW, I am considering getting a beta reader who could help me get my chapters out faster, so if anyone would like to volunteer for that, or has edited things in the past and would be willing to do so again, please message me!

The next few visits passed by in much the same way. Rey had been nervous before their next meeting, thinking that maybe Kylo would try something.

But, just as before, he wanted to study, and then to sit around and play video games. And so it continued, until Rey knew just what to expect when she pulled down the Solo’s driveway.

They were getting through most of the history section, and Rey no longer had any ideas about stalling, or trying to draw out their sessions, in order to secure herself a bit more cash before school started. At the pace they were going, they very well might finish early, but she didn’t care. As much as she now trusted Kylo to sit next to her on the couch, and not pressure her into things, it was just too strange. She still felt out of sorts next to him, and there was an oppressive nervous vibe that seemed to hang over the two of them, or at least over Rey.

She tried to act nonchalant, and Kylo gave no indication that he felt it too. And when they were playing video games, or watching movies, it was easier, because it wasn’t just the silence of Kylo’s huge, empty house, with an occasional bird chirping outside.

Rey no longer heard the noises of the house staff working inside the home. Maybe they were off in some distant room, but Mariana, or whatever Kylo had said the housekeeper’s name was, was probably off, Rey suspected, because she no longer heard creaks on the stairs or occasional footsteps overhead or the sounds of water running somewhere. 

Now it was just… silence.

Sometimes the yard workers would still be out, tending the garden, but that was outside, and it didn’t seem to really alter the feeling inside the home, which, to Rey, felt very, very awkward.

She was careful now, to avoid eye contact. Part of her wondered, though she knew it wasn’t true, if she’d done anything to encourage Kylo, to make him think that there was something more between them than there really was. She knew that was stupid, and not true, and even misogynistic to think- but those were the thoughts that ran through her head at night.

To that end, in order to keep things safer, she’d taken to staring out the window, or keeping her eyes glued to Kylo’s papers as he handed them over, and staring at them as they discussed any corrections she’d made. When they got to the movie room, Rey had initially stayed on her little section of the L-shaped couch, which meant she had to turn her head to watch the TV. By the end of an hour, it usually resulted in a massive crick in her neck.

So Rey had finally moved to the longer section of the couch, where Kylo sat, but as far down from him as she could. Sometimes she still sat in the L-shaped section, but she’d face forward, sitting crosslegged and perched uncomfortably on top of the seat.

But frankly, nothing had happened. Rey kind of wondered if maybe she’d blown it all up in her head. Yes, she’d lost her virginity to him- which was big, of course, but at the same time, Kylo was acting perfectly normal. She had the fuzzy drunken memory of Kylo saying that it was his first time, so she’d thought it would be important to him too.

But maybe sex just wasn’t as important to guys. They didn’t have to feel any pain when they lost “it”, after all, along with a million other risks. Maybe it was just another day for Kylo, and it hadn’t really affected him.

But then he’d asked her- demanded- she be his girlfriend when they’d met after. Rey was starting to think that maybe he’d meant girlfriend in a kind of sixth grade way- you know, like when “girlfriend and boyfriend” meant “person you sat next to at lunch and traded chips with”. 

She wondered, for the millionth time, if Kylo was lonely, and that was why he wanted her to hang out with him and just play video games. He seemed to have a million friends, and quite the rep at Jakku High for being a bad boy. He didn’t have the kind of clean-cut gleam of perfection that Rey had, nor her friend group had had, but he had a different kind of social status, one garnered from consistently winning fights and… oh yeah- being the son of the woman who owned half the town. 

It was just another thing that made Rey want to move out of this provincial place, to somewhere where there were lots of successful people, and frankly, where someone wouldn’t be given a pass for despicable behavior because of their parents’ money.

But, truth be told, Rey didn’t mind the whole thing so much. She was making bank, more than she had ever thought she would, and by the time she left for school she was going to have a nice little savings account set up. More than she’d ever hoped for. 

And she was being paid to literally sit around and play video games and watch movies. It was almost incredible. She’d even taken to being on her phone while Kylo was working on his papers, in the name of avoiding eye contact, and not having to sit there on edge, waiting for Kylo. She’d scroll through Instagram or continue her online shopping. Kylo didn’t seem to like it though- she didn’t see his face, so it was just an impression she got, from him clearing his throat when he’d finish his papers- just an energy she felt.

But Rey didn’t care. He hadn’t said anything and that was all that mattered. She just needed to get through the summer with as much emotional distance as possible, and she would do everything that helped with that.

So, a week and a half after they’d first played video games together, on Friday afternoon, they finished with their tutoring and Rey filed down the hall and into the TV room, or whatever it was called. From what she’d seen of Kylo’s house thus far, it seemed like there was an endless assortment of random rooms for any purpose you could think of.

She sat down in her usual spot.

“You wanna watch a movie today?” Kylo asked. He was already flicking through the stations, and Rey could tell, from her peripheral vision, that he’d turned to look at her, but, per her determination to avoid awkward eye contact, she kept her eyes glued to the screen.

“Sure,” she shrugged. She didn’t really care what they did, so long as it ended after an hour and she got $150.

“Okay,” Kylo said. “Um, do you have a preference for what to watch?”

Rey shook her head. “Anything, I guess.” 

Kylo had been pretty good about putting on funny stuff, and she only had to be there for an hour, so it wasn’t like they could watch Gone with the Wind. She wanted to keep things light between them, but she didn’t want to specify anything. She would watch whatever Ben wanted- and she wanted to make it clear that she wasn’t the one picking this arrangement. She’d be just as happy to go home- although she would miss the $150.

“Okay.” Rey could see from her peripheral vision that Kylo had turned back around, and he was now flipping through various movie titles at a rapid pace.

She looked down at her nails, pretending to examine them for hangnails or recessed cuticles. She’d already pulled this exact move several times in the past hour, but it seemed to be one of those things that men expected women to do all the time, so it was a good go-to when she didn’t have her phone in hand.

Finally Kylo settled back on the couch, a foot or so away from her, which was closer than Rey was used to but not worth saying anything about.

The movie opened to a screen of a light behind a mountain, which panned out further and further until it spelled out “Summit Entertainment”. Then there was a shot of a dark and moody forest, with a little deer drinking from a stream.

Rey couldn’t identify the scene, though she was sure she’d seen it before. Something about it was familiar, but she couldn’t quite place it. 

Then the deer was racing through the woods, running from something, before it was caught.

And then the very next scene panned to a shot of a sunny sky, and then down, onto the face of a young looking Kristen Stewart.

Twilight. Of course!

She’d loved this movie when she was younger, a preteen, and it had seemed so romantic. But she had to stifle a giggle- why on earth was Kylo, Jakku’s resident bad boy, lighter of trash can fires and winner of many fist fights, playing Twilight of all movies?

For the first few seconds, as Kristen’s character- Bella, that was her name- was speaking with her mom, she questioned if it was some kind of joke. It seemed like something a guy would do- put on Twilight, wait for the girl to say she loved that film, and then laugh and put on The Hangover, or Fight Club, or something.

She kept waiting for him to say something, to laugh or scoff or say “Just kidding” and get up a change it.

But he didn’t.

Rey finally looked over at him, breaking her “no eye contact rule”, with a bemused look on her face.

Kylo instantly returned her gaze, staring into her eyes, his eyes soft and plaintive as usual. 

“Twilight, really?” Rey asked.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like Twilight- only that, well, girls weren’t really supposed to openly like Twilight. It was considered “cringe”. And so it was the type of thing you watched alone in your room, marathoning though all 5 films in the course of a Sunday when they were on cable.

Not the type of film you watched with a guy. And heretofore, all they’d watched was goofy comedies, and played mindless video games. Twilight seemed like such a random choice. Rey almost felt like it was a test- was she the kind of ‘cool girl’ who scoffed at Twilight, or a loser. 

And she definitely wasn’t going to be lumped into the latter category.

But Kylo didn’t break into laughter, didn’t smile and say “Okay, I was just waiting to see your reaction” or anything else. He just stared back at her, in that desperately open way he always did, the one that unnerved her and made her want to avoid eye contact. 

“I like Twilight,” he said.

“I mean...” Rey trailed off. The truth was she liked Twilight too, but it wasn’t really a film she wanted to watch with Kylo, the school bully. With a group of girlfriends, while they sat around gossiping and stalking different guys’ Instagram pages, and drinking wine- sure. Actually that sounded nice, and Rey felt a short pang that she didn’t have anything like that in her life. Maybe at college.

The more she thought about it, the more silly it seemed, to make a big deal out of it. It was a film just like any other, even if it was blindly sunny outside, and it was a Friday and Rey was actually in a fully good mood for the first time since the incident, and she just wanted to sit back and watch something fun.

But again, she was being paid to watch a movie, so she supposed she could sit through 60 minutes of Twilight awkwardness with Kylo.

“I mean, it’s alright I guess,” she said, turning back around to watch the screen.

Before long, Rey was full immersed in the movie, in the leafy darkness of Washington state, feeling the chemistry that seemed to pulse through the movie. It was strange watching the film with Kylo, at once she felt self conscious, as if she should reign in her own reactions, and yet Kylo seemed to feel no such reserve, and the moody romanticism seemed to flood the small screening room they were in.

And then she felt it- Kylo brushing his hand lightly against her arm and then taking her hand, which she’d placed in her lap, and pulling it over to the center of the couch between them. 

It took her a moment to process what was happening, because she wasn’t expecting Kylo to do anything so brazen. Technically, hand holding wasn’t brazen, but she they had an understanding- no physical contact. 

“Kylo!” she scolded, ripping her hand back to her lap. 

She broke her no eye contact rule to give him a reproachful glare, her mouth falling open in outrage.

“Rey,” Kylo said back. His eyes were boring into hers, as they always did. There was a spark of anger there now, Rey could see it, coupled with his usual piercing intensity. “You said you would be my girlfriend.” There was a hint of incredulity in his tone, as if he couldn’t believe she was being so unreasonable. 

Kylo was making an accurate point, but she wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t want to get into the discussion of what boyfriend and girlfriend meant- what Kylo might hope it entailed.

“I did but- not like that.” She moved her eyes back to the screen dismissively, as if to signal that the conversation was over.

She was distantly aware of the scene where Bella and her friends went to La Push beach on screen, the rain pelting down on them and the sky dark and stormy. Instead of seeing the movie, she felt horribly aware of every movement Kylo made.

“Not like what, Rey?” Kylo asked. His voice was plaintive, almost demanding. Almost angry. “Now I can’t even hold your hand?”

She felt panic rise up in her. She didn’t want to make Kylo angry- she wanted to keep things exactly how they were. Angry Kylo was the same guy who had apparently slashed the tires of Mr. Perlongo’s tires, after he’d assigned him detention for a week in a row. Allegedly. It was never proven, but Mr. Perlongo didn’t discipline him ever again after it happened.

And, under Kylo’s angry glare, she found her own self-righteousness crumbling. What were they doing, after all? Watching something as deeply romantic as Twilight, where the characters literally risked life and limb to have sex, made a couple that never touched seem especially absurd.

But they weren’t a couple and that was what Rey wanted to keep clear! She corrected herself- they were, technically, a couple- but in name only!

“It’s not like that, Kylo”, she said, sputtering to find the right words. “I mean, we’re not...” She trailed off, hands gesturing ineffectually. 

“We’re not what?” Kylo sat up straighter, leaning slightly into her, which caused Rey to pull back. “You said you’d be my girlfriend, was that a lie?”

Rey felt her anger prick up at his accusation. She wasn’t a liar, she never had been. She wasn’t a criminal like he was, either.

But she didn’t want to snap at him. Didn’t want this conversation to spiral any more out of control than it already was. 

She desperately wanted to get the reigns back, to bring things back to where they had been, just two days before. Happily sitting on the couch, several feet apart, watching a comedy. 

She knew too well that this conversation could spiral out of control, and Kylo could demand other things boyfriends and girlfriends did. 

That’s why she needed to create limits, now. Firm limits, like no physical contact.

But she couldn’t come out and say that. 

“Kylo, it’s not like that,” she said, trying to make her voice soothing, calm. “It wasn’t a lie, but… it’s just not like that.” She held her hands up to him, in a kind of placating gesture, and smiled at him.

Clearly the ice queen demeanor she’d been trying out wasn’t working, and she hoped that Kylo would be assuaged if she just made it clear that she was being nice and sweet to him. She tilted her head, smiling expectantly at him.

“Not like what?” Kylo shot the question at her. It came out harsh and cold, like a bullet. Clearly he wasn’t placated, not in the least. On the contrary, his eyes seemed to burn into hers, demanding an answer. 

To her dismay, she found herself actually stuttering, searching for the right words. She was starting to feel real panic, because it was clear that Kylo was intent on… whatever he was trying to do. He wouldn’t be distracted or dismissed.

“Not like… the kind of relationship where we hold hands. We’re like… boyfriend and girlfriend.” She emphasized the latter half of both words, her eyes widening for emphasis. “Boyfriend and girlfriend who don’t hold hands or touch.”

Kylo’s nostrils flared, and he exhaled loudly through his nose. His eyes bore into hers, dark and demanding. Several seconds passed, wherein Rey forced herself not to look away, continuing to give Kylo her best blank, optimistic smile, and he glowered back. 

“We’re not friends.” He spat out the word like it was an insult, his voice so harsh that Rey’s bright expression faltered. She felt a sliver of hurt in her heart- Kylo said it like the idea was disgusting, the idea of being friend with her. Like she was- an embarrassment, like a friendship with her would be a joke. 

But before the hurt had any time to sink in, Kylo was speaking again. 

“Will you hold my hand, Rey?” 

And he placed his hand in the center of the space between them, open and outstretched.

He said it in a reasonable, almost overly calm voice. And Rey looked at him and saw him staring at her, those dark, seemingly endless pools, riveted onto her. A well of need- and- something else, danger- a determination, always to win, to get what he wanted.

And Rey reasoned it over in her head. It would be much easier for her to just give him what he wanted- holding hands, which was next to nothing. She’d held hands with a ton of people she didn’t like. She could remember when she’d approached a hunched over old woman in the Jakku supermarket who was struggling to get an item off a higher shelf, and Rey had asked if she needed help and pulled down a couple items for her. And the woman had rearranged items in her cart while Rey had been off locating the right pasta brand, and when she returned, she’d outstretched her hands to Rey in thanks, giving them a grateful squeeze, and Rey had felt the woman’s hands were absolutely drenched in something. And whatever liquid it was had gotten all over Rey’s fingers, and when she raised her hand to her nose to try to identify it, she was sure it was raw chicken juice that had run out of the packet. It wasn’t the end of the world, but it had been gross, and Rey had had to drop her own groceries and run to the bathroom to scrub it off.

So, all that to say… she’d shaken and held stranger’s hands, without even a bit of hesitation, so what did it matter if she held Kylo’s?

Most of all, she didn’t want to argue with him. There was just something about Kylo that was… intimidating, and she saw it in him now, maybe for the first time- she’d gotten glimpses, but now she really saw it. A determination in his eyes, a willingness to push, to not stop till he was the victor.

And Rey knew that that left few scenarios for her in which she could still walk out with her $150, without Kylo telling anyone, without her entire future in jeopardy.

So, after several seconds, in which the sound of Twilight could be heard in the background, Edward and Bella’s increasingly desperate voices filling the room, Rey rolled her eyes and stuck her hand on top of his. 

She raised her eyebrows defiantly to him, as if to ask “Are you happy?” and turned back to the TV without waiting for a response from Kylo.

In the next moment, Kylo rearranged their hands, threading his fingers through hers, then locking his fingers down so they were interlaced. 

Rey flinched at this, but didn’t turn to look at him. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

But it felt, somehow, like a trap to her, and she had to fight the urge to pull her hand away. Suddenly she was overcome with a deep jitteriness, a desire to fidget. She felt like she needed to move her hand, to pull it back. Why- she didn’t know? But she just needed to move it, to have it back as her own.

She compromised by jiggling her foot, hoping Kylo wouldn’t notice the nervous gesture, but she just had to move.

And then Twilight played on, and Rey found herself getting pulled into the film again. And Kylo made no movements of his own, he simply stayed still, their hands locked, and soon she was able to, at least somewhat, forget that they were linked in this way. 

It was the end of the scene where Edward told Bella that he was a vampire, and the romantic tension between them was practically burning through the screen, when Kylo spoke, breaking into her reverie.

“I think it’s been an hour,” he said.

“Oh, right,” Rey said. She turned to look at Kylo, so distracted by the movie that she forgot her “no looking” rule. He was staring at her, looking more peaceful and contented than she’d seen him all day. All vestiges of the “angry Kylo” that she’d glimpsed earlier were gone. And she was relieved.

“I, um,” Rey didn’t know what to say, as she stretched her fingers out, effectively loosening them from Kylo’s grip. And he allowed her to go, not tugging her back into place or anything.

“I forgot that movie’s kinda good,” Rey laughed.

“Yeah,” Kylo said. “I like the themes.”

The themes of Twilight… again Rey had to stifle a laugh. He was discussing Twilight like he was in an English class review of a Shakespearean play or something, not a cheesy emo movie.

But then… if he was in an English class, he’d surely be sulking around and texting, rather than actually answering the teacher’s questions.

And Rey was struck with a jarring thought- why was Kylo so bad in school, if he was smart enough to deconstruct a movie into “themes” and yet was failing out of his basic English class?

But, it was time for her to go, and Rey didn’t want to kill any more time by asking him. Nor did she want to know, because Kylo wasn’t someone she wanted to go deep with. She had no desire in trying to get to know him, giving him anymore of an impression that she wanted “more”.

“Well”, Rey stood up, grabbing her bag. “Have a good weekend, I guess.” 

She walked to the door, pulling it open. “I’ll see ya around!”

She made to duck out, but Kylo was right behind her. “I’ll walk you to your car”, he said, catching the door before it closed on him.

They walked silently to her car, with Kylo pulling the car door open for her, which Rey found kind of comical, considering it was a beat up Honda Civic and Kylo was opening it like it was a limo or something.

“Um, thanks,” she said. “Have a good weekend!”

Kylo shut the door for her, once she was seated inside, and he stood in place, watching her drive off.

It was only till she got to the road that she’d realized she’d told him to have a good weekend twice. 

Not that she cared. 

Kylo could think whatever he wanted about her, she reminded herself. It wasn’t her problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think- is Kylo a secret Twihard? 🤔


	7. Chapter 7

Rey hadn’t intended to, but watching Twilight had awakened something in her, so she had stopped by the grocery store on the way home, and gotten a lot of food. Now that she was making more money, and would have a lot more savings when she got to school no matter what she did, she could afford to get some of the more expensive brands, some of the weird health foods she liked to dabble with, like cashew flour tortillas. Stuff like that she never bought before, because she just couldn’t afford it.

And then she went home, and watched the rest of Twilight, in her bed, on her laptop. And then she watched the second one, and watched the third, fourth, and fifth on Saturday, lounging around. 

She’d forgotten how much she liked those films, as cheesy as they could be. And she thought of how how much she wanted to have her first relationship- real relationship- when she got to college. She wondered if it felt as magical as Bella and Edward, if you could be addicted to a person.

And, strangely enough, she found her thoughts drifting towards Kylo. 

She got the feeling, especially today, that he wanted… more from her.

And she wondered if it would really be that bad, you know? To sleep with Kylo?

It was a crazy thought to even entertain, but she was thinking it. I mean… she’d already slept with him once, so if she was going to be in trouble, she was already there. And Kylo, thus far, had kept her secret.

Watching Twilight made her realize that she wanted someone that she could feel those things with, that she could do those things with. Obviously it wouldn’t be love, with Kylo. But it could be fun… and she could learn about sex. Part of her still felt hopelessly clueless when it came to those things, even though she wasnt a virgin anymore.

She was sure that the Harry Styles lookalike that she was going to meet at school would have slept with several girls. He would have had serious girlfriends and probably taken trips to Europe with some of them, posing in front of the Eiffel Tower and that kind of thing.

And here she was, with absolutely no one, and no experience to mention. No serious relationship, no trips to Europe, no sophistication.

Wouldn’t a Harry Styles type of guy be grossed out by that? Wouldn’t he think it was… weird?

Sleeping with Kylo could solve that. She would be used to sex, and know what to do. 

And, she had to be honest, she really thought that was what Kylo wanted and… if she had sex with him, that was surely the best way to keep him quiet. She’d seen the quiet spark of anger in his eyes that day, and there was the matter of the unspoken threat that always hung between them, that defined their every interaction- that he could tell the world about them and she’d go to jail.

The best chance she had of keeping him quiet, ironically, would be making the same mistake again, doing the crime repeatedly. It didn’t really jive with the Dateline view of the world, but then, this was real life, and Kylo was much more of a messy, volatile person than most people out there.

And, just speaking objectively, Kylo wouldn’t be the worst person to have sex with. She didn’t particularly like or respect him, but he was fairly good looking, in an unusual way. He had a strange face, nothing like Harry styles, that was for sure. But he was tall, and extremely muscular. He had a six pack, she’d seen it in the pool, as well as muscles practically everywhere else.

As far as sex candidates went, she supposed he was a pretty good one.

Rey thought it over all weekend, going back and forth between thinking that it was a crazy idea, and then thinking about how many of her problems it would solve. Worrying about Kylo getting mad at her, and how volatile he could be, and how he might go to the police. And thinking about what college would be like, and whether she would be the oldest virgin there, at age 20. And thinking that she had wanted her first sexual relationship to be with someone she really loved, not someone she was being pressured into being with. Someone she liked the way Bella and Edward liked each other.

By the time the weekend ended, she still hadn’t figured it out, merely turned it over and over a million times in her mind, like a Rubik’s cube she still hadn’t matched up. 

She had to be smart, and the smart thing was, never to repeat an illegal mistake again- it just made you look more complicit. Rey knew this from watching her crime shows.

When Rey arrived at Kylo’s house that Monday, she felt shy and self conscious, almost like Kylo would be aware of the thoughts she’d been having, what she’d been entertaining and mulling over in her mind.

Rey reminded herself that he hadn’t said anything like that. Perhaps he really just wanted to be girlfriend and boyfriend, in a young sense of the word. He was young, after all- younger than her. Maybe he did only want to hold hands, which was hardly x-rated.

She would have to wait and see. But a realm of possibility had opened itself in her mind- and she wasn’t sure what she would do if the moment came. It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, she supposed.

She and Kylo sat together at the kitchen table, going over his work as usual. Rey felt especially fraught, nervous. This time, she needed no effort to avoid his eye contact- it was something her body did automatically. When their fingers brushed she jumped, her hand jolting away from his in an embarrassing manner. She tried to brush over it and move swiftly onto correcting his paper, but she felt like Kylo noticed absolutely everything. That was the problem with him- his unrelenting, constant focus.

But she tried to keep her nervousness under control, tried not to let it show. All she could think of was playing video games in the TV room, and whether Kylo might try something. Of course, she had no way of knowing either way, but the possibility seemed to loom large in her head, blotting out everything else.

She felt herself, just like at the real estate office, fumbling for the right answers, trying to compel her brain to work correctly. It seemed time moved slowly and yet far too fast, with Rey feeling every ounce of awkwardness between her and Kylo, but also dreading their session ending and going to the TV room.

And it seemed far too soon when the hour was up and Kylo stood up from his bench and they walked together, down the hall to the TV room.

Rey perched back on the smaller section of the couch, perpendicular to the TV, and Kylo took his usual place on the long section of the couch. She breathed a small sigh of relief- at least he wasn’t sitting right next to her.

“Wanna watch the rest?” Kylo asked, scrolling through the options with the remote.

Rey shrugged. “I don’t care.” She’d already watched the rest of it over the weekend, but this wasn’t for her, it was for him. And frankly, she wanted as little discussion as possible between them, so she wasn’t going to argue about a movie choice.

Kylo found Twilight and pressed play, and it picked up from where they had left last time.

They entered the leafy, mossy mystery of Washington state, and Rey felt herself sinking into that same romantic vibe that had been with her all weekend. The loaded stares between Bella and Edward, the dramatic music, the almost claustrophobic energy- Rey felt it wash over her again, transporting her back to that place she’d been all weekend.

She found her focus, for the first time all day, not on Kylo, but on the movie, enveloped in the blue world of Forks, Washington.

But then she was brought back to herself when there was a kiss scene, and Rey felt suddenly all too aware of Kylo’s presence in the room. She kept her eyes riveted to the screen, not looking away once, wondering if Kylo felt as awkward as she did. She felt suddenly viscerally aware of his space on the couch a few feet away, and she wondered how a teenage boy would feel about watching a kiss like this. Would he think it was stupid? Or would he think it was hot? Would he get a boner?

She forced herself not to look in his direction, even though she felt almost painfully aware of him.

And then the scene passed, and Rey let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. The movie went on, and Rey found herself, once again, wrapped up in it, her attention riveted on the screen, enfolded in that world.

And then she felt it- his hand on her thigh, moving smoothly over it and then touching her hand, which she’d clasped in her lap, hands pressed together. He tugged it from her grip, enfolding it in his own.

When Rey looked up at him, looked at his face, he was wearing a kind of plaintive, cautious expression, as if she were a bear that might snap at him or something.

Rey considered how to react. This was the moment she’d been anticipating, that she’d been dreading. 

Kylo scooted over on the couch, so that he was closer to her and not awkwardly extending his arm to reach her. His knee brushed against her thigh, angling himself so they were close enough to hold hands comfortably.

Rey considered ripping her hand from his, or telling him to back off. But, they’d had this discussion on Friday, and she’d agreed to hold his hand. And, after all, she’d thought about it- thought about more than just hand holding- over the weekend, and decided to be amenable to it. And if she argued about it, she was quite sure that Kylo would say the same thing he had on Friday- which was that she’d agreed, and she was his girlfriend, and this was the least of what boyfriends and girlfriend did. And Rey didn’t want to get onto that topic.

And so she let her hand remain in his, feeling suddenly deeply aware of exactly how her hand rested in his larger one, how his fingers enveloped hers, the cool smoothness of his palm against hers.

And there they sat, watching the movie, Rey suddenly hyper conscious of every breath that Kylo made, the slight movement of his body as he inhaled, the way the pressure of his knee against her thigh would let up just slightly, separating them by a fraction of a millimeter for a fraction of a second, and then return.

And so, when he leaned into her, his hand releasing hers and moving to touch her upper arm, the rest of his body leaning over hers, bringing his face closer to hers, she reacted immediately, turning to him.

“Kylo, what are you-”

“I want to kiss you,” Kylo said. He paused but didn’t pull back at all, didn’t give her back her space. 

His face was inches from her, and suddenly it felt claustrophobic, the room feeling too small. Kylo had that effect whenever he was close to her- he was just so big, he seemed to blot out everything around him. Literally, because he took up enough space to severely impede your sight line.

She pressed her hand to his chest, an instinctual movement, and gently pushed him away. He didn’t budge- it was like pushing against a boulder or wall.

“Kylo, I don’t think we should-”

“We’re supposed to be boyfriend and girlfriend,” Kylo said. His voice was desperate, plaintive. “Boyfriends and girlfriends are supposed to kiss.” He looked almost angry, like he was being deprived of something, or she had taken something from him.

“Kylo, when I said that, I-”

“You lied?” Kylo asked. His eyes bore into hers, dark, with a storm behind them.

Rey gave another instinctual press against his chest, before giving up entirely and letting her hand drop.

She stammered for words. It was hard to think, with Kylo so close to her, looming right in front of her, the smell of his scent- some kind of expensive cologne or body wash, and his particular tinge of “boy smell.” 

“I wasn’t lying, I-”

“Just let me kiss you,” Kylo said. Again, his voice was pleading, his eyes looking almost desperate.

In that moment, Rey felt sorry for him. It was just a pang, but it was strong- the compassion she had for him, this boy who had everything, who was sitting in a mansion when she lived in a veritable shack. He just seemed so… lonely, so wanting.

She looked behind Kylo, at the TV which was still playing the movie, the violent end scenes. She didn’t really take it in, she just wanted to take in something, anything, that wasn’t Kylo.

And then she looked back at him, and bit her lip, and nodded. 

There was a flicker of something- triumph, more desperation- what exactly, Rey couldn’t tell- in Kylo’s eyes, and then, in the next second, before Rey could analyze it any further, he was closing the distance between them.

His mouth sealed against hers with a kind of crash. He had full lips- almost a strangely large mouth- but now that she felt them pressed again her, she noticed them in a different way. Noticed how soft they were, how plush.

Kylo was already moving his body, without taking his lips from hers, to angle it more closely to hers. 

Now he pulled himself onto her section of the couch, his body slanted over hers, his hand reaching around to cup her back, to pull her slightly closer to him.

His other hand reached around and touched the back of her neck, holding her loosely in place, while his mouth opened, his tongue seeking entrance to hers.

After a moment of hesitation, Rey opened her mouth, and then his tongue was moving against hers, and Rey was lost in the sensation.

Once again she was reminded of what a good kisser Kylo was. Maybe it was simply the size of his lips, or the energy he put behind each kiss, or just the coaxing movements of his tongue- but whatever it was, it all worked.

And Rey found herself losing herself in it, the sensations blotting out the awkwardness she’d felt earlier, the hyper awareness of the room. She could hear the movie distantly playing in the background, though she no longer had any idea of what scene it was or what was going on.

Kylo was kind of hanging over her a bit- it was an awkward angle, with him unable to sit fully next to her on the couch, because of how much shorter her side was. So he kind of leaned into her, holding onto her hip and tugging her a bit into him, so that they kind of met together.

They kissed like this for a few minutes, and Rey was surprised by how good it felt. She could feel herself getting excited, getting wrapped up in the moment, the world seeming to reduce itself to Kylo’s lips, his mouth pressing kisses against her jaw, his hand threading itself lightly into the small hairs at the back of her neck. She could feel excitement weaving itself through her, arching itself up through her body.

And then Kylo tugged more strongly against her hip, and for a moment Rey was confused, having no idea what he was doing. But then she felt her body move, give way, and she realized that Kylo was pulling her onto his lap, and without thinking she moved herself to accommodate him, lifting her leg up so that she was now straddling him. 

And then they seemed to notch into place, Kylo’s mouth never leaving hers or letting up, but now they were torso to torso, face to face.  
And Rey felt surprise, for a moment, and the thought flitted across her mind- should she allow it, this change of position? It seemed more intimate, somehow, than kissing while lying next to each other on the couch?

Now she could feel Kylo release her neck, and then his arms reached around her back, pulling her flush to him with an enthusiasm that momentarily took her breath away. He pulled her so that there wasn’t any space between them, and usually, with her sitting on top of his thighs, Rey figured that might have disaligned their mouths, so that they couldn’t kiss anymore.

But Kylo was so tall that all he had to do was tilt his head up a little, and they were able to stay kissing, and now Rey found herself kind of locked into place, straddling Kylo’s lap, his arms holding her securely.

She thought about pushing him off, about telling him that they shouldn’t kiss this way, that they’d actually kissed too long already.

But the truth was that Rey wanted to kiss him- it felt good. And she also wanted to be prepared when she went to college, and actually dated for real. She wanted to be a good kisser, she wanted to know how to move her tongue and her lips and her body. She didn’t want everything to feel like a surprise, as it did now. She wanted to be an old hat, like everyone else would be.

Not that she hadn’t been kissed before- she had. But she hadn’t had that many real make outs, and this was a relatively harmless way to practice.

And again- it felt good.

So Rey gave in, kissing Kylo back, and gradually his arms dropped from holding her so tightly against him, and began to wander over her body. He held the swell of her hip, and then moved his other hand up the top of her neck, again fisting it into the light hair there, holding her head gently in place.

And he began to almost rock her body against him, and Rey, with her legs spread in order to straddle his lap, felt him rubbing against her core. And the sensations that had already been building within her began to burn out of control, snaking up through her, stacking up towards something that Rey desperately wanted, that she needed.

And Kylo seemed to sense this, and he would rock himself into her, so that he was rubbing against her center, and Rey could guess what part of him it was, but she didn’t want to think about it clearly, didn’t want to fully process it. She just wanted to feel.

And it had begun to build into a frenzy for Rey, and she knew what it was leading to, and the thought flashed across her mind, of the logical progression of all this. But she’d already thought it through over the weekend, and decided that it wouldn’t be the worst thing, and now that she was here, feeling these things, any thoughts or existing reservations seemed to vanish completely.

And as she moved against him, she felt the feelings overwhelm her, the need for more.

And Kylo seemed to sense it, and then she felt his hands gripping her hips more, and actually press her back, and away from him. And she was confused for a moment, until she felt Kylo fumbling blindly with her buttons to her jean shorts, and then they were open, and then he was trying to shove them down, which was somewhat difficult since she was still mostly straddling him.

And then Rey felt Kylo pulling her upwards, and she felt a moment of amazement at just how easily he was able to lift her, like she weighed nothing at all, his hand pulling her so that she had all her weight on one side. And then he tugged the jeans down, taking her leg and angling it until the shorts had slid off, and were now dangling from one thigh only. 

And then he pulled her back down, and back into his intense kiss, pressing her against him. And the momentary anxiety Rey had felt in the seconds that he was fumbling with her shorts had vanished, and she was back in the moment, feeling the need build in her, and only vaguely aware that she was now pressed against him wearing only her underwear.

And they kissed like that for a while until Rey felt Kylo pull back again, and then he was unbuttoning his own pants.

And suddenly it seemed very real, what they were about to do, and Rey felt a moment of uncertainty, of panic- what was going to happen after this? Was it a good idea? Would things change between them? Would it hurt again?

She felt Kylo free himself, and she reached down, clasping his wrist, stopping him.

“Kylo- are you sure...” She wasn’t sure how to put it. “Is there another way?”

She was thinking of what Kylo had done in bed that first night- when he’d gone down on her. Maybe that would be better- no penetration, and she’d still get that moment that she wanted.

Kylo looked almost panicked, his eyes widening and boring into hers. Then he shook his head. 

“No”, he said.

And Rey stared back at him, and then Kylo pressed her in for another kiss, and Rey kissed him back.

And then she felt him fumbling with her underwear, and then Kylo pulled back again, his expression wary, as if he was almost afraid, and then she realized why, and she heard and felt the ripppp of her underwear.

And Rey had a quick thought of panic- she didn’t have that many pairs, and she didn’t want to waste clothing.

“Kylo!” She said his name in a scolding way, her voice slightly raised and shocked.

“I’ll buy you a new pair,” Kylo said. And then she felt him lift her up slightly, and then he was kind of shifting underneath her, and moving her too, and then she felt it, him lined up with her core.

And then he pushed his head up further, and pulled her in for a kiss, at the same time as he began to slowly lower her into him.

And Rey had to pull away, as he lowered her down, her face scrunching up into a wince. And Kylo paused, waiting for her to adjust.

And after a few moments, she nodded, keeping her eyes shut tightly, and she felt Kylo continue to lower her onto him, and she bit her lip through the slight pain of it.

And Kylo lowered her until she was all the way situated onto him, and then he stopped, holding himself still. And Rey was breathing deeply, partially because of the tinge of pain, and partially because of the overall feeling, the feeling of being filled up.

And after several seconds, the pain began to lift, and she opened her eyes, and Kylo’s face was right in front of hers, staring at her so intently, his eyes boring into hers. And then he pulled her in for another kiss, only this one was even more desperate and consuming than it had been before, his arms once against wrapping around her, pulling her flush against him.

And Rey kissed him back, and after a bit she wanted to move, so she gave her hips an experimental rotation. And Kylo let out a groan, and then he was releasing her somewhat, so that they could move and weren’t just locked together.

And then he began to move in her, and his hands roamed all over her body, brushing her stomach and then cupping her hip and then moving around to trace her back.

And because of Kylo’s height, they were still able to kiss, to be eye to eye, mostly, with Rey’s head just a bit higher than his since she was propped up on his lap.

And Rey felt the sensations grow and twist up inside her, spreading out within her, beginning to overtake her, until finally they became overwhelming, and she broke away from the kiss, wanting to focus only on that feeling in her center- growing, expanding.

And she began to move on Kylo, her eyes squeezed shut, chasing that feeling.

And she could feel Kylo moving too, and then he was reaching down, touching her and rubbing circles at her core, and then she felt it- arching up, overtaking her, shooting up through her.

She let out a gasp, her mouth falling open in a silent scream, and clutched her arms around his neck, overtaken by the sensations ripping over her.

The feeling lasted for several transcendent seconds, and then she felt herself crashing back down to earth, suddenly aware of herself and where she was again.

And she opened her eyes, and she saw that, once again, Kylo was staring at her, in that crazy, overly intense way he had. And she buried her face in his neck, which she hoped would come off as though she was filled with affection with him, and not trying to avoid eye contact.

And Kylo kept pushing up into her, and his hands clasped her hips, digging in a bit, moving her in a rapid pace on top of him, moving her back and forth on him.

And Rey couldn’t help but think that, now that she’d had her moment, she wanted it to end. She wanted Kylo to finish and get it over with and she kind of couldn’t believe that she’d even done this, that she was still doing it.

“Make sure you pull out,” she said to him, whispering the words against his skin, hoping it wasn’t too much of a turn off, to mention this pragmatic thing. But he needed to, and she needed to tell him, no matter how he felt about it. 

And Kylo nodded his assent, she felt his head move against hers.

And then he spoke in a kind of hoarse gasp. “Look at me,” he croaked.

Rey felt frozen, for a moment, her hands clasped around his neck, which was where she wanted to stay. Since she’d come, she was so aware of herself, of where she was, of who she was on top of. 

The last thing she wanted to do was stare into his eyes.

“Rey, will you look at me?” Kylo asked. His voice was more insistent this time, and his hand reached up to the back of her neck, clasping the hairs gently there and beginning to peel her off of him. “Please.”

Rey swallowed, and even though she didn’t really want to, she nodded. It would get things over with quickly, which was the point.

And so Rey held his gaze as Kylo moved under her, no matter how much she wanted to turn away, to look elsewhere. 

And she felt Kylo lift her up again; with his one hand on her hip, he was strong enough to move her. And then he took his cock with his other hand, and began jerking himself off, rubbing himself up and down in a kind of desperate frenzy. 

And his face took on a kind of plaintive expression, which Rey found kind of uncomfortable to stare at, but she forced herself to stay looking. And then his hand on her hip tightened and she felt her shirt being kind of scrunched up by his thumb, which was large enough to stretch to reach her belly button.

And then his eyes dilated and he let out a kind of groan, his eyes squeezing shut somewhat but remaining fixed on hers. And she felt a wet liquid hit her stomach, and even though she instinctively wanted to look down and double check what it was, and make sure it didn’t get on her shirt, she forced herself to hold his eye contact, as Kylo had asked, no matter how much she wanted to look away from Kylo’s scrunched up and vulnerable expression.

And Kylo’s gaze remained frozen on hers, and then it was like his whole body relaxed, and kind of softened, and then she felt herself, immediately pulled into him, his now soft penis pressing into her stomach. And Rey had a thought that she really wanted to look now, to double check to make sure her shirt remained clean.

And she felt acutely aware of the quietness of the room and the house around them, that the movie had stopped playing, and it was just total silence, no noise anywhere, just them.

But Kylo was pressing her into a soft, languorous kiss, his arms snaking around her, pulling her flush against him again. His kiss was relaxed, slow, and Rey had a thought that this was maybe the only time she’d ever seen him be truly relaxed, not rigid with intensity and some kind of burning energy that seemed to pulse through Kylo at all times.

That, whatever it was, was gone, and there was just the softness between them, and Rey thought that she didn’t like it, that it made her uncomfortable, that it was almost like a different person, someone she didn’t know. Not that she even knew Kylo that well- and that was the problem- here she was, having just slept with him, and now that horniness wasn’t clouding her thoughts, it was starting to dawn on her what a bad choice it was.

And so Rey kissed him back for a couple of seconds, and then she pulled back and away.

“Wow,” she said, hoping that word would confer enough of a compliment to make up for her pulling away so early.

She looked down to check to make sure his jizz hadn’t gotten on her shirt. It hadn’t, thank God.

“Oh, lemme help you with that,” Kylo said. He reached out to clasp her hip, as if to hold her in place, and then reached out towards the coffee table. He retrieved a box of tissues from underneath, and pulled out several, which he bunched into a ball and then swiped reverently against her stomach.

And Rey felt another moment of embarrassment- she hated to have her stomach touched- what woman liked it? But she forced herself to remain still, letting Kylo clean her, until the jizz was gone, and then she immediately began to stand, Kylo’s finally letting go of her hip once she’d reached her full height.

In the process, Rey’s shorts fell embarrassingly to the ground before she had a chance to retrieve them, as did her panties.

She reached down to grab them, pressing her legs together, as if to prevent Kylo from seeing her vagina, which she realized was silly, considering what they’d just done. But she suddenly felt much more aware of him, much more naked than she had before, even when he was inside her.

Rey didn’t look to see Kylo’s reactions to it, she just hoisted up her jean shorts. Kylo had ripped her underwear through one side, luckily the same side where her jeans were attached, so she was able to simply step out of her underwear on the other side, leaving them in a little pool on the ground.

She stepped back into her jean shorts, and she could see Kylo in her peripheral vision, tucking himself back into his jeans.

She buttoned her shorts, feeling slightly stupid that she now wasn’t wearing any underwear. What kind of a person wore jean shorts commando?

Probably the same kind of person who has no strings attached sex with the town delinquent, Rey thought bitterly.

She bent back over, snatching up her underwear from where they had pooled embarrassingly on the ground.

“Oh, I can take care of those,” Kylo said. “I can throw em away.”

There was something in Kylo’s voice that was too excited, too enthusiastic about it, than Rey liked, and she shot him a rueful look.

“It’s okay,” she said, stuffing them into her pocket. She was absolutely not leaving her underwear at Kylo’s, there was no chance.

“Um,” Rey said, looking around to check to see if there was anything else she needed. She bent over, grabbing for her purse, reaching around Kylo to do it.

He seemed to realize that she was intending to leave, and he stood up from the couch.

“What time is it?” Rey asked. She didn’t really need to know, it’s not like she had anything else to do, anywhere else to be. “Oh gosh- it’s 6:20, I gotta go.”

Before Kylo could respond she started moving towards the door, walking a bit faster than she usually did, but Kylo was just behind her, following her to the front door and beyond to her car.

He outpaced her at the last second, and reached around her to get to her car door and pull it open for her. Which Rey hadn’t wanted, because now she had to turn to him and say goodbye.

“Okay well...” She had no idea of what to say. “Um, have a good weekend!” She tried to keep it bubbly and light.

“Rey,” Kylo said. He reached for her arms, and pulled her into a hug. 

“Kylo!” She said his name through gritted teeth, her body going rigid. “There could be people watching!” She gave him a gentle shove, pushing him away from her- or, more accurately, her body away from his, since he was like an immoveable boulder.

“There’s no one here,” Kylo said. 

Before she had a chance to react, Kylo was pressing a kiss to the side of her face, and it was reverent and soft, the way he’d been after everything in the TV room. 

And this time, when she shoved away from him, it was instinctive, and not about anyone watching or seeing. But she hoped Kylo wouldn’t sense it- it was rude, to feel that way.

She offered him a warm smile, so that he wouldn’t feel offended. “Okay, take care!” 

And the she slid into the car and pulled the door shut right after, before Kylo could say anything else, and took off down the driveway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's morning in my time zone so I hope you guys enjoyed a little early morning smut! 😂 Please lemme know what you thought... editing this was hard because reading back a sex scene you wrote is somehow deeply embarrassing! Thanks for all the support!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So first of all, I'm really sorry for the delay. I never intended to go so long without an update, but things have been crazy in my life lately. I know they're crazy for everyone right now, but I just have a lot of extra stuff going on and had to put my writing on a break to fully focus on everything else. BUT things should be wrapping up within the next week or so (fingers crossed!) so hopefully at that point I can resume normal posting
> 
> Anyway... I really hope y'all enjoy and please as always let me know if you do! Thanks for all the support :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first of all, I'm really sorry for the delay. I never intended to go so long without an update, but things have been crazy in my life lately. I know they're crazy for everyone right now, but I just have a lot of extra stuff going on and had to put my writing on a break to fully focus on everything else. BUT things should be wrapping up within the next week or so (fingers crossed!) so hopefully at that point I can resume normal posting
> 
> Anyway... I really hope y'all enjoy and please as always let me know if you do! Thanks for all the support :)

Looking at herself in the mirror at home, she looked normal, the same.

She didn’t know if she’d been expecting herself to grow horns, but that hadn’t happened. She was still the same girl.

She took in her features. Her cheeks were a bit flushed with exertion, hair mussed out of place from Kylo’s fingers.. but other than that, she looked like herself.

It was strange, really, because she felt like something monumental had shifted into- or out of- place. 

It was just sex, she knew that. But this time, she had chosen it- really chosen it, clear headed and all. And so, even though she’d had sex with Kylo before, it felt different, somehow.

She wasn’t sure how to feel about it- she didn’t know whether she’d made the right choice, or not. But she’d done it. It was done.

Rey made herself a dinner- a big salad with hummus on the side, and went to bed.

And for the first time in a while, she slept truly deeply.

.  
.  
.

Rey carefully chose her outfit for work on Wednesday. She knew she would see Kylo again, and, while she didn’t want to encourage him, she also wanted to be prepared if he tried something again. He had proven to be completely unafraid of destroying her clothing in the heat of the moment, and she had the ripped underwear to prove it. 

The real estate office had a loose dress code, and she was allowed to wear shorts so long as she paired it with a nice top- or a sleeveless top if she wore pants, that kind of thing. But it was conservative, and she knew Ms. Polaski preferred it when she dressed well.

She’d worn shorts on Monday hoping it would slow things down a bit, but that hadn’t worked at all.

So today she decided to wear a skirt that hit just at her knees, paired with a striped cotton t-shirt. It was conservative yet casual, and there would be, hopefully, no frenzied rearrangement of clothing if it… came to that.

Rey left the office at her usual time and drove over to Kylo’s house. She felt nervousness shoot up in her as she turned into the leafy driveway. She didn’t know what Kylo would do, or how it would change things between them. She had a few thing she’d decided she need to say to him, clarifications for the sake of her own safety. Not that she didn’t trust Kylo, but… they needed to have a clear, spelled out agreement.

When she pulled into the driveway, Kylo came outside immediately, and Rey wondered if he’d been waiting to see her pull in.

As she stepped out of her car Kylo was already walking up to her, and she turned to shut the door behind her, reaching around to shift the lock into place since her clicker was broken.

Then she turned to greet him. “Hey, Kylo. What-”

Before she could finish the sentence, Kylo was there, his arms wrapping around her, enfolding her, his mouth pressed to hers, his tongue moving into her open mouth.

It took her several seconds just to process what was happening, and then she pulled away, moving her hands up to press against his chest.

“Kylo!” she said it through gritted teeth, her voice low. Even though they were usually alone, she had a panic that she would see a gardener mowing the lawn next to the house. Or the invisible housekeeper that kept this house so immaculate would wave from the second floor balcony.

Rey saw it then, the little flash of anger in his eyes, a little flame of hurt, of something that he usually kept under wraps, but came out from time to time, like when he’d talk about why Mr. Dukakis had unfairly failed him.

He’d allowed her to place some distance between them, but his arms were still loped around her back, holding her there in a loose embrace. 

“Kylo,” Rey pressed harder against his chest. She used her tutor voice now, steely and in charge, because it seemed to be the only thing Kylo listened to. “Someone could see us.”

He seemed to ponder this, staring at her face, his gaze dropping from her eyes down to her lips. Then he dropped his arms, turning back to walk to the house. And Rey followed behind him. 

When they reached the breakfast room, Kylo opened the door and hung back, waiting for her to step through first. 

“Thanks,” she said. She placed her bag in the usual spot, beside her on the bench, and sat down. Then Kylo was next to her, lifting her bag up and placing it on the table.

He sat down next to her and leaned in, tilting his head like he was about to kiss her.

Rey turned her head away before he could. “Kylo, don’t,” she said.

Her tone was placating, soft, but when she looked back at Kylo, he had the same distrustful look in his eyes as earlier.

He stared at her, and Rey could see those same mental gates going up, that he’d had at the beginning, when she’d first spent time with him. A kind of impenetrable guard, a mask of smoothness, with something simmering behind it, something dark and angry.

“Rey, you agreed-”

“I know, but...” She’d blurted the words out, because she wanted to stop Kylo’s sentence, and now she didn’t how to finish them. She felt, sometimes, like she was walking on eggshells with him. “Listen, we have to study. Every time. No exceptions.”

Kylo was still staring at her, unmoving. It was like he could sense that she had more to say.

“And… no one can know about us. No one,” she said. “That’s really important. You can’t tell anyone.”

The defiance in Kylo’s eyes seemed to dim some. “Is that it?”

“Yeah,” Rey nodded. 

“And so after, we can?”

Kylo’s gaze was intent, and Rey had the uncomfortable feeling she was signing some kind of irreversible contract. Like she was a witness on the stand, and Kylo was the opposing lawyer, and the judge, and the jury. And her words were being recorded by some secretary typing away in the corner, making sure she never perjured herself. Or she’d be thrown in jail.

“If you finish everything, then… yeah.” She hated talking about these things so openly, so matter of factly. Like they were scheduling an appointment.

But it was done, and it seemed to appease Kylo, and he got up and happily moved to his usual bench, reaching for his books with a kind of enthusiasm that Rey had never seen from him before.

The dark clouds that seemed to have descended over them were gone now, and Rey couldn’t help the little sigh of relief she let out, too low for Kylo to notice, luckily. Although he seemed riveted in his work, leafing through his folder till he found the appropriate worksheet and immediately beginning it.

Kylo finished his work faster than he ever had before, and they finished in 45 minutes, despite Rey checking his work as slowly as possible.

Kylo had finished the entire folder, and Rey didn’t want to punish him by forcing him to start the next one. He, after all, had done all the work they’d set aside for this session.

Besides, there was no point in delaying the inevitable. Rey’s stomach was already twisted into knots with anticipation, wondering what it would be like this time. She could barely keep eye contact with Kylo, because it made her so self conscious. Which was difficult, since Kylo seemed to be trying to catch her eye at every chance, Rey feeling his stare upon her skin like a brand.

“We’re done, right?” Kylo said, as she passed him the final corrected worksheet. It was perfect- no errors.

“Um… yeah I guess so.”

Kylo immediately stood up, the heavy bench scraping quickly back behind him. He placed his hand out, palm up, and Rey realized he meant for her to take it.

Her heart was beating loudly in her chest as she grabbed her backpack, and placed her hand in his. 

It felt silly, walking hand in hand down a hallway, an indoor hallway, but maybe Rey was overthinking things. She just thought of handholding as something you did outdoors, maybe in a crowded city center, with a Harry Styles lookalike, ideally, when you were trying to keep your loved one close. Not walking from a breakfast room to a TV room. Although Kylo’s house was large.

They walked into the TV room, and Kylo released her hand, which Rey was almost surprised by. And he picked up his iPad, which was on the coffee table, and began scrolling through the options. Finally some kind of nature show popped up, and Rey had a moment to wonder why Kylo had picked this, before he’d turned around and pulled her into him.

Rey had barely had the time to drop her bag down before she found herself subsumed by Kylo, his hands pulling her frantically against him. He kind of twisted around and pulled them both onto the couch, so that they were both lying on it.

It all happened so fast, and Kylo was so agile. Rey had wanted to speak to him about something, but that seemed lost now, with his mouth against hers, so desperate and frenzied.

She kissed him back, and his hand threaded into her hair, holding her in place, his mouth working against hers. Rey was flat on her back on the couch, with Kylo holding himself over her. He held her head still while he moved away from her lips, feathering kisses on her cheek and jaw, snaking up to her ear.

Rey, despite her surprise at Kylo’s actions, found herself affected by his ministrations. She had wanted to set some rules, to have a serious discussion, but that fact was floating away in her mind, replaced by the desire that Kylo was now stoking in her. His lips, so full, pressing themselves wetly against her neck, his breath, tickling the wet skin, his hands, snaking over her back and hip so reverently, so tenderly…

And soon the thought of what she’d meant to say, what she’d been going to say was gone from her mind when Kylo pressed his mouth back to hers and she was able to move her tongue with him. And then he was fumbling with his pants, and Rey noticed that he’d worn sweatpants this time, so they only required a quick shove down. And then he was pulling up her skirt, and bunching it around her waist.

And then he was pulling down her underwear and then he was lining himself up and pressing himself in. And as he did so he pulled back from their kiss, and watched her face, and Rey shut her eyes, blotting him out.

And as he set himself fully inside her, he let out a noise, a kind of strangled gasp, almost of relief, and Rey squeezed her eyes shut further, because it was such a private noise, one she didn’t want to hear.

And then she flexed her hips against him and then he took her cue and began to move, and they were moving together, frantically, Rey chasing that moment, feeling it building.

And occasionally Kylo would kiss her face, in different places- her forehead, her cheek, her nose, her mouth, her chin. And he would say her name, over and over, reverently, almost like a prayer.

And then she felt it building, finally coming to the crescendo. And then it was there, and everything was exploding inside her, and she squeezed her eyes shut even tighter, her mouth falling open in a gasp.

And then she was coming down from it, feeling dazed, and she suddenly felt aware, yet again, of who she was and what she was doing- who she was doing- who was inside her. 

And she opened her eyes and saw Kylo staring at her, a look of such intensity, such need on his face. And when she looked at him, he groaned, and then pressed his mouth to hers, kissing her desperately, with such force that Rey felt like her lips might be bruised. And then he was moving in her with a kind of frenzy, his hips pistoning in and out, and then he pulled his head back, just enough to pant on her, so that they were no longer touching but she could feel his breath, hot against her skin.

“Rey,” Kylo choked out. “Rey.”

And then he was threading his hands in her hair again, locking her in place. He wasn’t pulling tightly, but Rey still felt a slight twinge of pain at the pressure.

And then he was staring down at her, staring in her eyes, as his movements became more frantic. 

And then she felt him wrench himself out of her, and raise himself up. And then he was jerking at himself and releasing on the soft skin of her lower stomach.

Rey propped herself up on her elbows to watch this, to make sure that he wasn’t getting any on her skirt. And when Kylo looked up and saw that she was watching it, he grinned at her, his smile stretching over his face, and then he was lowering himself back down, looking like he was about to kiss her.

But Rey scooted herself back, raising a hand to block Kylo.

“Kylo, we need to…” She wasn’t sure how to put it. “Clean it.”

Kylo looked confused for a moment before it seemed to dawn on him. “Oh!” He reached for the tissues, which he was able to grab easily, even though they were under the coffee table.

Rey once again marveled at his arm span.

And then he was wiping her off, using several kleenexes to do so, and then he placed the dirty tissues on top of the coffee table, which made Rey cringe. She certainly hoped no one spilled food on that table or anything.

And then he was lowering himself down over her again, his fingers encircling her arms, pulling her into him, and kissing her softly, gently.

Rey could feel that every bone in his body, save his fingers, which were clutching her, were relaxed, his breathing even and slow.

It was strange, really, and more than Rey had signed up for. The sex was one thing but this was… too much. 

But she didn’t think she’d ever seen Kylo so calm, so at ease. Maybe after the last couple times they had sex. And she didn’t want to spoil it, didn’t want to go back to Kylo, constantly on edge, constantly brimming over with that rage and intensity.

And so she kissed him back, his now soft penis pressing against her thighs, wet with a substance that Rey didn’t really want to think about.

And now that she’d had her orgasm, and the frenzy of desire was no longer clouding her head, she was suddenly very aware of the conversation she had meant to have when they walked in the room. It was nagging at her consciousness, the desire to set some ground rules. 

But Kylo seemed so peaceful, so happy. She could feel his energy, brimming over with relaxed contentment.

She wondered if all men were like this after sex. She remembered hearing jokes about “the ways to make a man happy: keep him fed and fucked” so maybe they all were. She just wasn’t used to seeing Kylo like this- he wasn’t a happy go lucky kind of guy. It was strange.

Finally she pulled her head back, offering Kylo a tight smile. Immediately his arms tightened around her, as if he thought she was going to get up and leave, right then.

“Um,” she began, ignoring his hands that had released her arms and were now snaking around her back, holding her in place. “I have to be home in a little while.”

“There’s still more time,” Kylo said. He pressed his nose to the crook of her ear and inhaled.

The action unnerved Rey. What was he doing?

“I really should go.” 

Kylo’s arms tightened slightly. “Stay for a little while.”

“Kylo.” Rey said his name firmly, almost like she was scolding a dog. She didn’t mean to speak so harshly, but Kylo’s grip around her made her panic, and she wondered vaguely what she would do if he refused to let go.

But then Kylo released her, unwrapping his arms from around her and then pushing himself off of her.

Rey stood up quickly, pulling on her clothes, turning away from Kylo as she did so. She felt awkward again. It was so strange that he’d been inside her, that he’d already seen her naked.

They walked to the car together, and Kylo went in to kiss her again but Rey pushed him firmly away. “Someone could see,” she whispered. 

And while she drove off, she thought about that. What if someone had seen- what if the workers had been there? She needed to ask Kylo about it, next time she saw him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out! I am hopeful that now I will be able to update more often as the time of intense stress seems to be (mostly) over. Just a heads up- if you're like me and like to plan your fanfiction reading in advance, this is kind of a long chapter, so it might be one you grab a dinner to eat while reading or save if you have a night in or something. Anyway, with that being said... hopefully you enjoy!

And so Rey’s days settled into a rhythm. She would go to work at the real estate office, and on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, leave early to go over to the Solos.

Her and Kylo would study for the first half, with her constantly having to redirect Kylo to focus on his work. And then, for the last hour, they’d have sex, in the TV room, on the couch there.

Rey wasn’t sure how to feel about it. When she thought about it, it made her feel strange, the idea of having sex with someone she was being paid to spend time with. She reminded herself, again and again, that she wasn’t being “paid to have sex”. She was being paid to study, and it just so happened that this strange progression had transpired.

But still… seeing the money deposited in her account at the end of the week made her feel strange. It wasn’t something she particularly liked to think about, so she didn’t. She tried, as much as she could, to stay busy. 

On her nights and weekends, she would research what she wanted to buy for her new school year. She was holding off on actually placing the orders, because some of the things she needed to have delivered to her dorm room, and she would need to be there to receive them. But she ordered new clothes, and small things that would fit into her Civic when she drove across country to her new school.

She began looking up recipes, cooking more than she ever had before. Even her parents, usually clueless and utterly wrapped up in their own drama, had noticed, remarking on how many fruit tarts, and dipping sauces, and salads she was making.

She could afford now, with the extra money from the Solos, to experiment with her cooking, though she was trying not to spend it too much. But it was good- spending an hour looking up a recipe for a vegan strawberry cheesecake, or whatever else she was experimenting with. 

She was diligent with her work at the real estate office. There was a lot of downtime in this job, and before she would spend it relaxing, doing her nails or just daydreaming.

Now she’d taken it upon herself to water all the plants in the office, to call prospective clients more than once, to reorganize the filing system so that it was easier to remember. Even Ms. Kowalski was impressed, and she told her that if she wanted a career in real estate, she’d be willing to bring her on the team after she graduated. 

Fat chance of that. Rey was going to be gone, gone, gone- she had a month left now.

She was working on reorganizing the W section of their clients- Walter, Watkins, Warner, etc- when she heard the bell on the front door ring, the one that went off whenever someone walked in.

“Just a minute, I’ll be right there,” Rey said, pushing the Watkins file back into place.

“Hurry up, I don’t have time to wait,” a low voice said.

Rey had a moment to process how rude this was before she stood back up. “Sorry, I was filing-” She turned now, looking towards the front desk, able to see who it was, and burst out laughing. “Poe!”

He shot her a mischievous grin.

“Oh my God, I was seriously worried I was gonna be in trouble,” she covered her hand with her heart, and then skipped over to her desk. “I’m gonna get revenge one of these days.”

Poe grinned, craning his head around as if to see into the back office. “Is Ms. Kowalski around?” 

Rey shook her head. “She’s got meetings all afternoon, two clients, actually.”

Ms. Kowalski was one of the only real estate agents in Jakku, which meant that, even though Jakku’s real estate market wasn’t exactly thriving, she was usually busy.

“Thank God,” Poe said, smirking at her. “I don’t think my self esteem could get any lower after last time.”

Rey grimaced. She felt kind of bad- Ms. Kowalski obviously did not like Poe. Which was kind of strange- she tended to get pretty flirty in front of young single men. But clearly Poe didn’t interest her, which was weird because he was attractive. Maybe it was because he was a lowly insurance salesmen, not making much money yet. Or that he was kind of short- maybe 5’8? Either way, Ms. Kowalski made it clear she didn’t have any interest at all in Poe, often straight up ignoring him and only speaking to him if absolutely necessary.

But, Rey had to say, she doubted Poe’s self esteem was actually hit. He was, if anything, pretty cocky. And his shit-eating grin said that he really didn’t mean it, he was just making fun of the woman.

“I know,” Rey said. “I’m sorry she’s always so rude. She’s that way with everyone.”

She wasn’t that way with everyone, especially attractive young guys, but Poe didn’t have to know that.

“So… you wanna go to lunch?” Poe asked. His voice was casual, and he looked down at his fingernails, like he was examining them for dirt, as he said it.

“I can’t!” Rey said. “She likes me to work through lunch, especially when she’s not at the office.”

Poe rolled his eyes. “Come on Rey, you can never get lunch, ever. You know it’s illegal to not allow an employee lunch?”

Rey did know this, in fact, she’d looked it up. But technically, Ms. Kowalski did allow her lunch- it was just understood between the two of them that she never took it.

“And besides, you guys never get any walk ins,” he continued.

Poe was right. The vast majority of people, save their very oldest customers, called in or filled out an online contact form and then Rey would call them. Poe was actually one of the only people that walked in or used the door, and he tried to do it once he was sure Ms. Kowalski was gone, which was tricky because they didn’t have assigned parking spots.

Rey cocked her head, thinking about it. She had only brought an apple and some peanut butter that morning, since she had been in a rush. And, the chances that any would walk in in the next half hour were exceedingly low. It was now 12:30 pm, and they usually wouldn’t get many customers in in the afternoon. 

Poe raised his eyebrows at her, as if he knew what she was thinking.

“Okay, okay- I guess I can go. If we make it quick.”

“Yeah, of course!” Poe said, grinning at her. “You wanna go to Barbara’s Place? I’ll drive.”

Rey nodded. “Let’s go, and we can’t stay long.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you back here so you can continue..” He craned his head, staring at the files she’d been going through. “Your urgent rearranging of files. I know how important it is.”

His voice dripped with sarcasm, and Rey narrowed her eyes playfully. They had that kind of relationship- Poe was always teasing her, always quick to make a joke. 

She grabbed her stuff and they walked together to Poe’s car, which was some kind of Toyota- more recent than hers, but nothing special.

Rey was glad for the day Poe had walked past the office, seen her, then he’d walked off and about ten minutes later strolled into the office. Rey had been staring out through the big window at the front of the office, the one that had a “scenic” view of the parking lot. She’d been lost in her thoughts when he’d walked past, and they’d actually held eye contact for a couple of seconds before he’d moved on. It could have been a kind of awkward move, but it seemed like there was nothing awkward about Poe. He was always confident, some would say cocky, and always knew what to say. He’d smoothed it all over in a few seconds, and struck up a conversation, and since then they’d been friendly..

Rey was glad of it, to have someone her own age to distract her. And ever since things had started with Kylo, she was even more grateful for it. Her conversations with Poe had started taking up a significant chunk of her day, because he would wait to see if Ms. Kowalski was gone, scanning the parking lot looking for her Lexus, and if he didn’t see it, he’d come in, and they’d chat for 15 or 20 minutes, making jokes about their respective bosses.

Poe had a way better job than she did. He’d graduated from a community college across the state, and been recruited to sell life insurance. He was relatively good at it, and the powers that be at the corporate office had reassigned him to work at the struggling Jakku office. People in Jakku didn’t generally have a lot of money to plop down on life insurance, so it was basically an open field, with a big percentage of the population ripe for the picking.

Rey had had lots of discussions with Poe about how liked Jakku (he found it run down and kind of depressing) and what they both wanted to do next. Neither really wanted to stay in Jakku, though Rey’s dreams were a lot bigger than Poe’s. He just wanted to make some money selling insurance, get a good house, have a good retirement fund- nothing too crazy.

Rey knew she wanted life in the big city- she wanted money, and lots of it. And career success, and traveling, and all of it. That’s why she was going to the east coast that fall- it was her first step on the journey, and she could feel herself almost itching with excitement.

She was thirsty for any talk about life outside of Jakku- even Poe’s descriptions of the small city he came from excited her. At least it was different, somewhere new.

She and Poe chatted on the way over to Barbara’s, which was the good salad place. Usually Rey didn’t like to spend money on eating out, but she was going to make an exception. Lately, she’d felt even more desperate to fill up her time, any blank instant she had filled up with thoughts of Kylo.

The best way to keep thoughts of him out was to stay busy, occupied, and reorganizing the files was hardly enough. She wondered if she could drag lunch out to 45 minutes- Ms. Kowalsi probably would never know. She could check the emails while she was gone to make sure no new client intakes had arrived…

At Barbara’s, they stood in line, and Rey ordered the “Strawberry Steak Salad”. It had blue cheese, and a balsamic dressing, and looked really good. Poe ordered his salad, some kind of Chinese Chicken Salad, while Rey paid for hers.

Rey had gotten an iced tea and walked over to the soda fountain to fill hers up. When she finished Poe was still paying, so she wandered off to find a seat, grabbing one in front of the window. It was hardly an amazing view- it looked out over some trees and hills and the highway that cut through town. But it was something to look at.

Poe joined her, jamming his receipt down into his pants pocket.

“Is Kowalski giving you a lot of shit lately?” he asked.

Rey shook her head. “No, she’s been normal.”

Poe pulled his head back, narrowing his eyes skeptically. “So why are you rearranging the files then?”

Rey thought about it. She didn’t know what to say, didn’t really know herself, why she felt such an urge to be busy, to stay busy. She just didn’t really want to think about… well. About Kylo, and everything that came with him.

“I just...” She shrugged. “I thought it would be a good thing to do.”

“Wow, she got lucky the day she got you,” Poe said. “Just volunteering to rearrange the files for no reason. You should come over and do it at Jupiter Insurance.”

He grinned at her, like he was teasing her, and Rey smiled back good naturedly. “I could do it for you guys too, but you probably couldn’t afford me.”

“Oh, so Ms. Kowalski is giving you the big bucks, huh?” Poe’s voice was light hearted. “I guess that’s what happens when you get a college girl.”

Rey rolled her eyes. She knew Poe was just teasing, but she never knew what to say to that. 

Rey felt the sting she always felt when people in Jakku judged her for wanting more. She wanted to scream- I don’t think I’m better than anyone! I don’t think I’m really special. I’m not stuck up, even if people got that vibe, for some reason. 

“Oh yeah, only the best for me,” she said. “Like reorganizing files, and being Ms. Kowalski’s bitch. Soooo special.”

Poe grinned at that. He seemed to like it when she was self deprecating, and it put them back into their easy dynamic, sloughing off any tension that seemed to crop up between them. 

The girl who had taken their orders now came over to drop off their salads. It came fairly quickly, and Rey wondered if it was because the place was pretty empty, only three other tables were in use. A lot of people came to Barbara’s for pick up, and then they’d eat at their desks.

They thanked the girl, and then opened the little pouches that contained the plastic silverware, and dug in. It was delicious, and Rey made a mental note to try this recipe at home. She would have to google recipes for it, although, like many salads, it didn’t seem too complicated to recreate.

Poe and her chatted, joking about their respective bosses. Poe’s boss was a 60 year old guy that had been selling insurance since the 1980s. He was kind of a good old boy, spending a lot of time leaving the office to have “client meetings” that took place at the gold course. Poe would always joke about lazy it was, but Rey knew he was jealous, and would love to do the same. But earning a good income in life insurance took time, and Poe wasn’t at the point where he could take hours off to go golfing yet. And he wouldn’t be, not for a while.

“What are you doing this weekend?” Poe asked suddenly. He had finished his salad and was now putting down his napkin, having used it to wipe his mouth. There was something about his tone- it sounded almost more higher pitched than usual. Not that Poe had a particularly deep voice, but Rey noticed it this time- he actually seemed nervous, which was strange for him. Usually Poe had an energy of easy self assurance, like nothing at all could phase him.

“I’m, um...” Rey felt strangely nervous, answering the question, and she wondered if Poe’s nerves were rubbing off on her. She wondered, as she hesitated for the briefest of seconds, if she should change her answer, if there was something about Poe’s question to be wary of. But that was a strange thought, and Rey didn’t even know why she’d had it. “Nothing. I’m just...” She trailed off, searching for another joke she could make about herself. “Being my boring self, cooking and watching Netflix. Thrilling stuff.” 

She grinned at Poe and took another bite of her salad. But, even though she’d made a joke that Poe would typically love, it didn’t seem to do anything to dispel his mood, to put him back into his usual ease.

“Would you want to go to dinner?” Poe asked. Now his expression was serious, and he didn’t smile or anything, only stared at her expectantly.

Rey felt shocked for a moment. Not that she was completely taken by surprise- Poe was a young guy, and they’d always had a kind of jokey dynamic, which could be kind of flirty. But then again, he spoke to her like she was a bro, not like she was a woman he was thinking about romantically.

But Poe was staring at her, almost like she had already taken too long, like he was almost annoyed, and expected a response, and Rey found herself saying “Sure!” before she’d really thought it through.

Poe smiled then, and the tension between them seemed to be gone. “Great! I’ll pick you up at 7:30 on Saturday?”

She shrugged. “Okay, that works for me.”

She wondered, briefly, if she should have said something else- made something up. Like, “Oh, I have to hang out with my friend,” or “I have to clean out my garden” or anything, so that she could have had an excuse if she wanted one.

But she hadn’t known what Poe was going to ask, and anyway, now it was done.

Poe looked relieved, and he grinned at Rey now, all tension gone from his face. “Um… should we get back to the office?” 

“Oh, yeah!” Rey said. She grabbed the plastic cover for her salad, which was only half finished, snapping it into place. “I’m gonna save the rest for later.” 

.  
.  
.  
.  
That had been on Thursday, and by the time Friday had rolled around, Rey began to feel nervous. It was a date they were going on, wasn’t it?

And technically, she was Kylo’s girlfriend. She had agreed to it, had said that she would “be his girlfriend”, though they had never sat down and agreed to any terms.

She wasn’t completely sure that Kylo had intended exclusivity- they’d never talked about it, had simply agreed to the name and then started sleeping together. Rey seriously doubted if Kylo wasn’t going around making out, at the least, with other girls. He was “the town bad boy” after all, which generally meant lots of girls, and lots of drugs, and lots of violence. She knew for sure he was involved with the last two things, so why would the “girl” part of the equation be any different?

When she went to meet with Kylo on Friday, she’d felt uncharacteristically nervous. She was, somehow, afraid Kylo would find out, though how he would know, she didn’t know. Poe was several years older than Kylo- he was 23, 3 years older than Rey herself. And, from what Rey could tell, he was completely uninvolved in the Jakku social dynamics, which Rey liked. Actually, he’d complained many times to her about how closed off and insular Jakku was, how judgmental the people could be, and unfriendly towards new people. Rey knew it was all true, and that Poe had the kind of confident personality that would make it easy for him to make friends anywhere, so the issue didn’t lie with him, but with the town. 

But, as bad as she felt for him, because she knew he was extroverted, and missed being around a large friend group, she was also glad, because it meant he didn’t hear all the Jakku gossip. He already teased her about being a snob, and she could only imagine it might get worse if he backed it up by talking to the other Jakku kids. She could only imagine the jokes Poe would make, if he got encouragement from the girls in her year who called her “stuck up” behind her back.

And in this case, Poe’s isolation had an even greater benefit. There was no risk of Kylo finding out about it, or having Poe mention it to a friend and it winding it’s way through Jakku’s gossip chain.

Rey hadn’t thought of all this when she’d said yes, she’d not really been thinking at all. But now that she thought about it, he was really perfect, if she was going to go on a date, because no one at all knew him. 

Even still, she felt nervous around Kylo, like he was somehow going to find out. She kept her head down, glued to the papers they were working through, while they studied. And then afterward, despite Kylo’s repeated requests for her to look at him, she kept her eyes squeezed tightly shut the whole time they had sex, even when it was Kylo’s turn to come. Usually she would throw him a bone, pun intended, by opening her eyes at that point. But she kept her eyes closed, throwing her head back, hoping she appeared to be lost in the moment, and eventually Kylo came anyway. They had sex twice, and the whole time Kylo would whisper to her to look at him, and both times Rey did not.

And when they weren’t having sex, when they would usually lie back on the couch and talk, Rey managed to keep her answers short, and only glance at Kylo occasionally, pretending to be engrossed in a nature documentary she’d asked Kylo to put on. It was actually about the mating practices of bumblebees, and was exceedingly boring, the narrator having a very droll British accent. But Rey pretended to be utterly fascinated, keeping her eyes mostly riveted to the TV screen, and pretending not to hear when Kylo would try to strike up conversation.

And when it was time for her to leave, and her alarm went off at 6pm, she had kissed Kylo goodbye, Kylo clutching her hair desperately while they kissed. She even let him kiss her again at her car, because he seemed so needy, seem to sense something was off, and she wanted to reassure him.

But then it was over, and Rey couldn’t help but smile as she drove off. She’d done it. She didn’t know why it seemed like such a big victory. Maybe because Kylo had this kind of “all knowing” attitude about him. He probably didn’t know a thing, Rey thought to herself. But it was just a vibe he put out- like he could see through her, see to her soul.

You couldn’t see this, could you? She smiled at the thought.

She had been mostly neutral towards the idea of a date with Poe. She didn’t have a raging crush on him, even though he was cute. But now that she was deceiving Kylo, it seemed suddenly delicious. She found herself thrilled with the idea, thinking about it constantly.

And she found herself thinking of Poe in a new way. He really was handsome- quite gorgeous, actually. He had a kind of “old timey movie star” look to him. He was shorter than Rey would have liked- maybe 5’8? With that in mind, Rey was planning to wear flats, because if she wore heels she would have been taller than him.

She didn’t think she would have been that excited to date him at college, but thinking about it now, stuck in Jakku, with her only options the same guys she’d known since kindergarten, he suddenly seemed like a gift from heaven. She’d been so distracted with Kylo, Kylo- who was so consuming, so distracting, that he seemed to suck the air out of everything else in her life.

Thinking about Poe now, she couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed his gorgeously high cheekbones, or the little curl of hair that hung over the middle of his forehead so perfectly, or his brown, almond shaped eyes.

He was attractive, by any definition of the word, and somehow she hadn’t even really seen it before. She wondered if things would have turned out differently if she had noticed this about him earlier- maybe it was for the best, that she’d been so distracted. After all, guys wanted women who were cool, chill, laid back, and Rey had been that way, the whole time. Making jokes about herself and letting Poe tease her, never imagining anything else than friendship.

Maybe that had been exactly the way it was meant to go, and now they would turn the relationship into something else.

Once Rey had thought about the Kylo angle, and how they were technically “boyfriend and girlfriend”, whatever that meant, she’d texted Poe and asked if they could go to a town a little more than 45 minutes away. It was the closest “city”, although it was nowhere near a real metropolis. But they had a bustling downtown, with different restaurants and stuff, and that was the excuse Rey had used. She’d said she was sick of Jakku and could they drive there instead.

Poe had texted back after a few minutes, saying “It’s kind of far but I guess I don’t mind driving that much.”

It wasn’t exactly overwhelming enthusiasm, but Rey had jumped up and down, done a little happy dance. She’d texted him an apology, and assured him it would be way better than Jakku and worth it.

So it was set. She’d almost sent him a text saying they should probably leave earlier, at like 6:30, to make up for the time difference, but she didnt want to be too pushy, and he hadn’t seemed that impressed with her desire to go to another town, so she didn’t want to push her luck.

So it would be a late date, and they would get there around 8:30, and that would be fine. Actually it would be more than fine, because she could really relax, not being in Jakku, not having to worry about someone saying something to Kylo, or just putting their date into the usual Jakku gossip cycle.

She knew it was probably wrong, although maybe they weren’t really boyfriend and girlfriend, and it was in name early. But it was still probably messed up, and yet Rey couldn’t help herself from feeling a little thrill every time she thought about deceiving Kylo.

Ever since she and Kylo had started their… thing, she felt so… stamped by him. As soon as she’d walk in the door, he would be all over her. Touching every part of her body, literally. For those six hours a week, it was like he seeped into her soul, and then Rey spent the rest of the time away from him trying and failing to wring him out of her.

Going on a date with Poe, with anyone else, felt like she was reclaiming herself. She could go where she wanted to go, with whoever she wanted to. Contrary to how it may feel, Kylo didn’t own her.

It was always hanging over her head- the fact that Kylo could go to his mom about their relationship, or the police, and her life would be over.

He didn’t mention it, and she certainly didn’t, but they both knew. And it hung over her, constantly, even when he was gone. Like a guillotine about to slice down and whack off her neck.

She lived with the knowledge, with the stress of that, all the time. But now she was doing something for herself, whether Kylo would like it or not.

And maybe Kylo would be fine with it, Rey thought, as she slicked some mascara on her eyes. Maybe it was in name only. Kylo was such a dishonest, wild person, she wouldn’t be surprised if he was out sleeping with a different girl each night. 

And she didn’t care, she reminded herself.

This was about her, and Poe, of course. 

She pulled back, to study herself in the mirror.

In her new spirit of over achievement, and needing to be busy all the time, she’d looked up various makeup tutorials before settling on a “smoky eye look”. She wasn’t great or especially familiar with makeup- usually she put on some mascara and that was it. But today she’d wanted to look special, and, though it had taken her two separate tries, she was happy with her look, and the way her eyes seemed to smolder. 

She put on some blush and a little bit of bronzer in the lines of her cheeks, and some light pink lipstick.

Overall, she was really happy with the look. It was kind of adult looking and even… sexy. She’d never done herself up like this before, and probably wouldn’t feel comfortable walking around Jakku this way.

But they weren’t going to be in Jakku. They were going 45 minutes away, she reminded herself, grinning.

She had tried on several different outfits before settling on a cute little dress. It was dark purple, and hit halfway down her thigh. It nipped in at the waist before flowing out with an A-line pattern. Rey had a small waist, and it was nice to show it off, since she was usually in shapeless work blouses or shirts.

The dress had little panels that draped across her the tops of her upper arms, leaving the shoulders and most of her arms bare. It created a nice silhouette, and Rey had bought it intending it for her new sophisticated life on the east coast. She wondered if she would look too nice for wherever they were going to eat- knowing Poe’s salary, it would hardly be the Four Seasons. But she was having fun, getting dressed up and previewing how she would look at college, so she was going with it.

She smoothed her dress down, staring at herself in the mirror. She’d paired the dress with a pair of silver colored strappy flat sandals, which, in addition to making sure she wasn’t taller than Poe, also kept the outfit from getting too formal, she thought.

She heard her phone ping, and saw a text from Poe. 

“Here. Parked out front 😉” 

“Coming out in just a minute!” she texted back.

She ran into her bathroom, spraying herself with her perfume, which she’d left till the last moment so it would last. This perfume had notes of Iris, and burnt sugar, and incense, and Rey loved it. It was kind of dark, and sexy, but still feminine. She’d bought it to wear at school, on cool autumn nights, but it would work perfectly here too.

She grabbed her purse from her desk, shut off the lights, and ran outside to Poe’s car. Her parents both had late shifts that night, nor would they even notice or care that she was gone, but it was good to not have to worry about explaining anything. Explaining things to drunks was no fun.

Poe leaned over to pop his passenger door open as she approached.

“Hey,” she said, grinning as she lowered herself into the car. “Thanks for picking me up!”

“I’m not gonna make you drive there alone,” Poe said, almost indignantly. “Actually, would you mind getting out, driving yourself, so I can save on gas?”

He grinned at her, and Rey rolled her eyes. It was a very typical Poe joke.

Poe was playing some kind of alternative rock, and it was slow and subdued- very chill, very Poe. “What song is this?” Rey asked.

Poe smiled, looking pleased. “It’s Ryan Adams, ‘Come Pick Me Up’”, he said. 

The lyrics were kind of mumbly, but she could make out “I wish you would… screw all my friends”. It sounded like a love song, but the lyrics certainly weren’t typical of one.

“It’s kind of old,” Poe said. “I like more intellectual stuff.”

Rey nodded along.

“Are you wearing perfume?” Poe asked suddenly.

“Uh, yeah,” she responded. “It’s um… some french name, I can’t remember.”

Poe wrinkled his nose. “It’s kinda strong,” he looked over at Rey, a smile playing on his lips, like he had just blurted it out without thinking, and now he couldn’t believe he’d said it.

Rey could feel a blush spreading over her cheeks. Suddenly she felt horribly overdressed, in every sense. Not just the perfume, though now she felt like she could smell it too, the iris that she had loved so much moments earlier suddenly smelling cloying, overbearing, almost sickly.

It was like she could feel the eyeshadow she’d brushed on, feel it resting on her eyelids, making her look ridiculous. Poe was wearing a pair of khakis and a nice button down, so it wasn’t like he was completely casual, but she felt embarrassingly, pathetically fancy. Like she’d tried way too hard.

“Oh, sorry,” she said. “I just sprayed on a couple sprays but… I guess it’s kinda strong.”

She wasn’t sure what else to say, or what to do. If she’d been able to, she would have rushed to the bathroom and washed it all off. 

“No, it’s okay,” Poe said. “I’m just giving you a hard time,” he smiled at her again, a benevolent, happy smile. “It smells good, it’s just… it’s just strong.”

Rey nodded. “Oh okay, I’m… I won’t spray so much next time.”

She didn’t even know what she meant by “next time”- was that presumptuous? Would Poe even want a next time? She wondered if that was rude to say.

Most of all, she just felt stupid. Poe was trying to brush it over now, and pretend he hadn’t meant it, but he clearly hated her perfume. And he hadn’t made any comment about her outfit or makeup. 

She guessed she’d thought a guy was supposed to say something, when you dressed up. Like “Oh, you look beautiful,” or “I love that dress.” She wondered if Poe was planning to go somewhere super casual, and she’d look like an idiot. She almost asked him to stop and turn around, but that would be lame and overdramatic.

“What have you been up to today?” Poe asked.

Rey thought about the half dozen “smoky eye” makeup tutorials she’d sat through before she found one she really liked. The way she’d exfoliated her whole body with a homemade sugar scrub, and how her stomach had been growling since 2pm but she hadn’t eaten because she was trying not to spoil her appetite before the date.

All things that seemed kind of embarrassingly cringey now.

“Nothing, just kind of hung out and watched TV,” Rey said.

Poe smirked to this. “Another busy Saturday,” he said. 

“What did you do?”

“I’ve been trying to get into stock trading, so I was researching that, checking my dividends and everything,” he said. 

Rey nodded. That sounded a lot more important than what she’d done. Just as she’d expected.

“And had a few client meetings,” he continued. “A lot of them like to meet on Saturday.”

Rey smiled tightly. “Right… hopefully I’ll learn more about stocks at college.”

“Oh yeah, at college,” Poe said. “I’m sure they’ll teach you better than anything I could know.”

His tone was teasing again, and Rey forced out a polite laugh. She could keep up with him, she wasn’t going to let her night get ruined just cause she’d drastically overdressed. “I guess they will. But you know me… it’ll probably go right over my head.”

Poe laughed out loud at this, the first genuine laugh he’d given all night. “Maybe. I don’t know, I’ll try to teach you some stuff.”

He and Rey joked like this all the way till they reached the dinner spot, and soon Rey found her nervousness dropping away. Poe didn’t mention how she was dressed, so she supposed it wasn’t that bad.

Finally they pulled up along the main street stretch. By the time they pulled in it was 8:30, and a few people were out walking, holding hands. There were just the last stretches of summer light, lengthening the shadows, the blue haze of twilight making everything look magical.

There were strings of fairy lights in front of some of the restaurants, and Rey couldn’t have been happier than she felt in that moment. She felt a burst of freedom in her heart- she was gone, away from Jakku, away from Kylo, and on a real date. Her first real date, come to mention it. She’d gone to dances with guys in high school, but this was the first time she’d actually gotten all dressed up, and gone one on one to dinner with someone. It was different with high school dances, surrounded by friends, everyone piling into cars together and taking pics. 

This was the real deal, and Rey glanced over at Poe, thinking about how handsome he was. He wasn’t the most masculine looking guy, but he was handsome, his face arranged pleasingly and symmetrically.

Poe went to check to make sure the meters were expired, and there was still an hour and a half before the free parking kicked in.

He opened his wallet and began rummaging around, pulling out quarters. 

“Do you need any change?” Rey asked.

“I, um… do you have like 2 quarters?”

Rey pulled out her wallet, going through it and locating the two coins.

She handed them over to Poe, and he put them in the meter.

“Okay, it’s just a little down the road,” he said. 

They walked about 40 feet and then Poe opened the door for her. It was a cute looking place, the inside looking kind of like a TGI Fridays. It was called “Wally’s”, and the lighting was dim, kind of romantic. There were big red leather booths, which gave everything an air of privacy. The volume level was fairly low, with jazzy music being pumped out of the speakers. 

All in all, it was a great date spot, and once again Rey felt a thrill. As far as first dates go, this was a good one. It felt like a real, adult date, not the usual dusty Jakku places.

“Table for two?” The hostess was relatively young, high school age, and she gave them a huge smile. She looked friendly and bubbly.

Poe nodded.

“Okay, follow me!”

She grabbed two menus and let them to a booth in the middle of the room, right down the aisle that led from the front door to the back. They were right in the center of the action.

“Your server will be with you shortly.” She handed them the menus, beamed at them and walked back to her hostess booth.

“This is a cool place,” Rey said. “How did you find it?”

“Well, since someone pulled a diva moment and demanded we go to this town I’d never been to,” Poe gave her a playfully exasperated look, widening his eyes at her. “I used Yelp and they said this was the best date spot.”

Rey blushed. She was still kind of embarrassed as to how it looked that she’d insisted they drive 45 minutes out of the way. It made her blush even more, to think of the real reason why.

“I… yeah. I just really wanted to get out of Jakku,” she said. She wrinkled her nose for effect, like she was disgusted. “I just… it gets old, you know.”

Poe nodded. “Yeah, I understand. This town is kind of cool, anyway.”

The waiter came over to take their order. It was a college aged looking guy, clean cut and, again, friendly. 

Rey wasn’t sure what to order- they had a big menu, full of American and southern cuisines. Poe asked her if she wanted to split an appetizer and she agreed, so they got a plate of guacamole with chips, which was Poe’s suggestion. Rey noticed that it was the cheapest appetizer they had, not that it mattered. It was just that she’d wanted to try to figs stuffed with gorgonzola, but the guacamole would be fine too.

Poe ordered a chicken sandwich for his entree, and Rey felt kind of bad because they sandwiches had the lowest prices on the menu. She’d heard that the etiquette on a date was never to order a more expensive entree than the person who was paying for the meal, which Rey hoped Poe would, since it was the gentlemanly thing to do. But she didn’t like sandwiches, so she’d have to get something more expensive, and she settled on the cheapest salad they had, which was a kale and dried cherry salad.

“Are you getting anything to drink?” Rey asked.

“I might have a beer or two,” Poe said. “Cant have anything harder cause I’m driving. But you get whatever you want.”

“Are you sure?” Rey asked.

He nodded, and he seemed to mean it.

So Rey got a glass of red wine, and Poe got some of their artisanal beer. Rey wasn’t sure what brand it was, because she didn’t drink beer.

After a few minutes, they both had their drinks and a bowl of guacamole in front of them. As the wine began to hit her, Rey felt that same soothing, the same loss of tension, that she’d been wanting.

Suddenly Poe’s jokes were funnier, and she stopped feeling so self conscious about how she looked. Poe hadn’t commented on her appearance, other than to say she looked “fancy”, so she supposed it couldn’t have been too bad.

The meal went on and Rey laughed out loud several times, even though Poe’s favorite subject seemed to be teasing her. She would give it back sometimes, though not too hard, because Poe didn’t like it when she really went in on him.

When the waiter came over to bring their entrees and asked if they’d like another drink, Poe accepted and so did she. Poe said he would be fine to drink with 2 beers, and Rey believed him, though she wasn’t sure if that was the legal limit or not.

And as the wine sank in further, everything Poe said seemed seriously hysterical, and any awkwardness from earlier had totally vanished. The sun was now totally set outside, and the little strings of lights outside were lit up, as were the street lights. The light inside was dim and made everyone look more attractive. They’d arrived kind of late, and an hour in, when they were eating their entrees, it was 9:30, and most of the patrons had left. There were only a few tables left, and you could mostly hear the soft jazz music.

Rey couldn’t help but feel it was terribly romantic, though she didn’t quite now how Poe felt about it. Rey suddenly hoped that Poe did like her that way. He looked, now, with the wine and the candlelight, incredibly attractive.

The wine also brought up other feelings, thoughts she had tried to repress. Kylo, that ever present specter. And she couldn’t help but study Poe’s features, and compare them to Kylo. Poe’s face was arranged so delicately, so perfectly. Like he had been carved out of marble by one of the Renaissance masters. His nose, with the small little bump, but perfectly sized to his face. His almond shaped eyes, his lips which were full, but not too big. His high cheekbones, the perfect little dent in his square jaw.

She compared it to Kylo, who looked kind of like every feature had been slapped haphazardly on his face, every feature oversized. Actually, that was like his whole body, his whole personality, too. Just completely over the top, no moderation, no give. Everything was just large, taking up space, looming. Like his lips, which were almost obscenely, strangely big. Ditto his nose, which seemed to echo another awkwardly large part of him. Rey blushed at the thought, bringing her wine up to cover her face.

Poe was in the middle of some story, of some stupid thing his boss had done, and Rey’s slight smirk and blush seemed to go unnoticed, which Rey was grateful for. 

She thought about Kylo’s eyes, which were so piercing, almost hawklike, and his hair- so dark, so black, against his pale, pale skin. Whereas Poe’s skin was a kind of warm brown, seeming to blend pleasantly into his hair- all symmetrical, all complementary, almost like it had been designed to fit together. Whereas Kylo was a study in contrast, a study in features that shouldn’t all exist together, a study in too much, every part of him.

The waiter came over again, breaking Rey from her stupor, which she was grateful for, because she had stopped listening to Poe while she zoned out, and she would have no idea what to say when his story ended and he expected a response. The waiter asked if they wanted dessert, and Poe and Rey both looked at each other, as if debating. Poe kind of crinkled his nose, as if to say “We shouldn’t”, and Rey grinned back. 

“We’ll take a look at the menu,” Poe said. The waiter handed them both menus and they both examined them.

“Would you wanna get… the brownie sundae?” Poe asked.

Rey really had her eye on the cheesecake, but she nodded excitedly. Brownie sundae sounded amazing too.

The waiter brought over the little dish with a brownie in the center, with vanilla ice cream and hot fudge sauce oozing over the top of it.

They both dug in with gusto, and Rey’s head swam with a sugar rush and the wine, and the delight of knowing her first date had been amazing. And she still could date and have things that were her own, and go out and have fun.

No one owned her- no one. She felt the exhilarating sense of her own freedom, listening to the jazz, tasting the sundae, feeling the open possibility of a perfect summer night, with the warm air around them. She looked up and made brief eye contact with an older couple that was near them- Rey realized the woman had been watching them, and she gave Rey an approving couple. Rey realized, for a moment, how they must look to the outside world. Probably like a sweet, well-matched young couple, if the warmth in the woman’s eyes was any indication. She grinned at Rey and Rey smiled. She felt an easy camaraderie with the couple, who undoubtedly had gone on their own first date several decades earlier. It made something well up inside Rey.

Maybe that could be the future for her and Poe. It wasn’t like she was in a real relationship, and she and Poe could sneak around anyway. She didn’t know why she’d even been nervous.

They had just finished the last bites of the sundae, and Poe sat back contently, staring at her with an appreciative expression. And for the first time since she’d gotten in the car, Rey didn’t feel like she was overdressed or looked stupid. She could see that Poe did think she was pretty, could see that kind of stunned, anesthetized look in his eyes that guys got.

And then Poe reached out, outstretching his hand and holding it palm up, and Rey understood that as her cue to put her hand in his. So she did, resting her hand on top of his.

Poe closed his fingers around hers, and he met her eye, smiling gently, and Rey smiled nervously back. 

She wondered if he was going to kiss her, or say something, maybe ask her for another date, or say how much fun he’d had, and she was watching him expectantly, his eyes studying her face, looking like he was thinking of how exactly to say what he was going to say next.

And then suddenly there was the loud noise of a door being thrown open and hitting the wall with a loud crash.

Rey jumped in her seat, an instinctive reaction the booming loudness of the noise, and she felt Poe do the same, and his hand tighten around hers.

And in the next moment she looked over, and she felt her face rearrange itself into a mask of open-mouthed horror and she saw Kylo striding over, staring straight at them- well, straight at Poe. He looked enraged, almost deranged.

“Kylo,” she shouted. She immediately wriggled out of Poe’s hand and began to rise from her seat, as if she was going to stop him. She wasn’t sure what she would say, just that Kylo was staring at Poe in a way that made her hair stand on end.

Poe had turned his head at the sound of the noise, and he seemed to sense the same thing. He didn’t know Kylo, but he seemed to know, instinctively, that he was a threat. He started standing from his seat also, which was tricky because he was in a booth.

“Hey, man, who are you and what the hell-”

Before Poe could finish the sentence Kylo had reached them and his hand had reared back, moving forward with stunning force and speed to punch Poe squarely in the jaw.

Poe immediately fell over, his head hitting the wooden side of the booth, and then sliding sickly downward. His body rested awkwardly, his body slumped half in the seat and leaning onto the table, cheek resting against the wood, completely unconscious.

Rey covered her mouth, letting out a pathetic sounding “Oh my God!” into her hand.

Kylo was staring at Poe with a look of pure rage, like he was checking to see if he stood back up again, if he was able to fight.

But there was no fight left in Poe, that was clear. He was frozen, his face devoid of all tension, like he was in a deep sleep. 

Kylo seemed to finally be satisfied that Poe wasn’t going to move, the rage in his eyes flickering slightly, and then he looked at Rey. 

“Come with me,” he said. His expression was defiant, almost like he was daring her to say no. He reached his hand out, and Rey hesitated for a moment. Should she stay with Poe? Would he be okay? Shouldn’t she be there when he woke up?

But then again, if Poe woke up with Kylo there, that would be the worst thing for him. And she could hear the murmurs coming up from the rest of the restaurant, the “Oh my Gods,” and panicked voices, and she knew they had to get out soon, now. She glanced over at the older couple that had been eating near them for most of the meal. The lady she’d exchanged a smile with moments earlier, and now the same lady was staring in open mouthed horror, clutching at her necklace.

They needed to go. Now. Before the police were called, because surely the police would want to know why Kylo, a high school student, had attacked a man she, a grown adult, was on a date with.

And besides, Rey honestly didn’t know what Kylo would do if she said no. Something about the way he was looking at her made her think he wouldn’t leave, wouldn’t just say “Okay, fine, stay here then.” But she wasn’t sure what he would do- drag her out of there? Surely not.

All of this flashed through her mind in seconds, and she saw Kylo watching her, his eyes looking even angrier than before, and Rey realized she shouldn’t waste any more time, shouldn’t make it any worse.

And so she put her hand in his, and then Kylo was pulling her out of the room, and Rey was able to grab for her purse and reach it before Kylo pulled them away entirely. His strides were long and fast, and in milliseconds, they had reached the door. The hostess who had been so friendly when they’d arrived was now pressed as far as possible into the wall, as far away from Kylo as she could possibly get. Her hand was covering her mouth, which hung open in shock.

As the door closed behind them, Rey heard panicked cries beginning to rise up from the restaurant, like people finally felt comfortable making noise, letting out their horror, now that Kylo was leaving.

A rusted looking red pickup truck was parked in the middle of the street outside the restaurant. As they approached it a teenage looking guy stepped out of the driver’s side and walked around towards them. He tossed the keys towards Kylo and nodded towards Rey as he passed them. “Hey Rey,” he said.

And then he was climbing onto a motorbike and starting the engine, all while Kylo was opening the passenger side door to the truck and gently nudging Rey into it.

She climbed in, barely able to think or process what was going on, and then Kylo was shutting the door behind her and walking around to his side. His friend had already blown past them, going maybe 60 mph down the quite, tree lined downtown. Kylo started the engine and then his foot was on the gas, and they were taking off equally fast- maybe not 60 mph, but certainly much faster than was allowed in this quiet downtown area, Rey was sure of it.

As they left the buildings behind, and the geography started to shift into trees, Rey felt, for the first time, fear. Was Kylo as mad at her as he had been at Poe? Would he.. hurt her?

She dug her fingers into her thigh, suddenly wishing she was wearing something more substantial. Not that a different fabric would protect her if Kylo was super angry- Poe was proof of that. But she felt so vulnerable, with this inconsequential slip of a dress on, all legs and arms. She tugged the hemline of her dress down, and Kylo, as always, noticed, his eyes glancing over to her exposed skin, exhaling loudly through his nose.

Rey considered saying something, but she decided against it. She’d never seen Kylo like this before- sure, she’d seen him emotional, but never angry like this. Even when he’d been angry before it seemed like he was in control of it. This was more like a forest fire, completely and totally out of hand, with no tether to reign it in.

The taillights of Kylo’s friend had now disappeared, and Rey marveled at how fast he was going. Kylo was slamming his foot on the accelerator, and the speedometer was topped out at around 70 mph. It looked like an old truck, and, sure, most cars could go faster, but the motorbike must have been going 100mph or more.

Kylo’s mouth was set in a grim line, and the silence seemed to burn between them. Rey felt dread building in her, and she didn’t know why, or what she was dreading. She just knew that Kylo was so mad, and she couldn’t imagine what she was going to say to him- or what he would say to her. What he could do to her, if he wanted to- tell everyone, everything.

In fact, he might have ruined that tonight.

She thought of that, of Poe waking up. Would they call an ambulance for him? Would the police come to take a report? Would he say it was Rey he was hanging out with, and then they’d pull her in for questioning, and she’d have to say it was Kylo who’d done it, and then it would all come out and they’d arrest both of them? Kylo for simple assault, and he’d be tried as a minor, if he got tried at all- more likely Leia and Han would get him off scot-free. And meanwhile, she’d be charged as an adult, for a much bigger crime, and her life would be over.

The panic flooded over her, the dark woods now shooting by the windows of the truck.

She had to do something about it. Rey opened her purse and tilted it up so that she could see inside. She angled herself away from Kylo as much as she could without seeming suspicious, raising one thigh up slightly so that she could further block his view. 

And then she powered on her phone, signing in and going to her messages.

“Poe, I’m si sorry! Will explain later. Pleasw don’t go to police or anything I will explaij later”

She wanted to type more but Rey knew that Kylo probably wouldn’t respond well to her typing out a long paragraph to Poe. Nor would she want to put the actual situation in writing, considering all the Dateline episodes she’d watched.

She sent it, and Kylo didn’t seem to notice. He hadn’t reacted or responded, and she decided to press her luck.

“Pls tell me if ur okay because im worried and I didnt plan”

She couldn’t type the rest because her purse was now being ripped from her hands. She clutched at it, trying to pull it back into her, but Kylo was far stronger than her, and she was no match. The purse ended up, between the two of them, being upended, with her wallet, lip gloss, phone, and keys falling out onto the center seat, and then she was reaching for her phone at the same time as Kylo. But he got there first, and then he was pulling it up to read, and then he threw the phone as hard as he could at the dashboard.

At least Rey thought that was as hard as he could throw it. She had an phone case, but the screen still shattered into a million pieces, instantly breaking.

“Kylo!” she shouted. Her phone had collided off the dashboard and landed under her seat, and she reached down frantically, trying to make sure it was okay.

But Kylo was too fast, and he plucked the phone from her hands and threw it out the back window, which was slightly cracked. Rey gasped and screamed his name again, though she turned around and saw that it landed in the truck bed.

She was going to berate him, or tell him to pull over, but the thought occurred to her that it was probably for the best if he didn’t know her phone was there. Let him think it had landed in the middle of the highway.

And besides, she could feel the tension radiating off Kylo. It was like he was a coiled up snake, just waiting to strike, and she didn’t want to say anything to set it off. So even though she wanted to scream at him about the phone, she stayed silent. And they sat together, tension radiating between the two of them.

“Fuck it,” Kylo finally said. He began slowing the car, and it lurched as it came to a sudden stop on the shoulder, next to the woods. 

“Kylo!” Rey couldn’t keep the panic from her voice. “We’re in the middle of the road!”

They weren’t, in fact, in the middle of the road, but they were on the side, hardly tucked safely away from the passing cars. The road didn’t seem that busy, but still.

And then Rey’s nerves got even worse, because Kylo was throwing open his door and then marching around towards her side of the car, and then he was throwing her door open, and reaching around her to unbuckle her seatbelt. 

And Rey only had time to say his questioningly, and let out a “What are you doing?” before Kylo had pulled her into his arms, and then he was carrying her, through the woods, and away from the streetlights of the highway, and into the darkness of the trees.

And then Kylo had pressed her against a tree, and then his mouth was on hers, his fingers wrapping into her hair, holding her into place. Rey found herself wrapping her legs around him, mostly out of a fear of sliding down the tree, since Kylo was so much taller than her, and he’d lined their mouths up together. His tongue slipped into her mouth, and his hands were everywhere, moving over her desperately, possessively.

Rey kissed him back, but it was kind of like trying to move along with a hurricane. Kylo was simply too much, too overwhelming, too frenzied, for her to keep up with. 

She felt like she was trying to soothe him with her kiss, to calm him, but it was no use. Kylo was uncalmable, his hand tightening in her hair almost painfully, holding her in place, his hand squeezing into the curve of her waist, splaying out along her ribcage. 

Finally he pulled back. “Can I- can we- can we have sex?” He was breathless, and his hands were already fumbling with his pants.

“Kylo,” Rey was the one who sounded desperate now. She felt like she was trying to get through to him, to reach him, but he was too far away. He was gone somewhere she didn’t know. “We need to talk first. We should talk.”

Suddenly Kylo gave her the most plaintive, sad, begging look. In that moment he looked very young, almost like a little kid, begging for his favorite teddy bear. It took her breath away, in that instant, the sad yearning in his eyes.

“Can we just- do this first?” Kylo asked. “Please?”

Rey bit her lip, thinking. Then she nodded.

Immediately Kylo was pushing his jeans down, and then he was tugging her underwear to the side, and Rey had a moment of panic, as she thought about how these were one of her nicest pairs, that she’d just gotten recently, a pair of lacy boy shorts. 

But Kylo had them pulled over to the side, and there was nothing to fix how out of shape they already were. And then she felt the blunt head of him prodding at her entrance, and then he was pushing in, and she was distracted by the overwhelming fullness of him, blotting out everything else.

And then Rey heard a rip, and she realized that Kylo must have actually torn her underwear. But she barely had time to process it, because he was moving his free hand up, snaking it over her waist and then to the top of her dress, tugging it down so he could see her breasts. He kneaded them, his mouth moving frantically on hers, tugging them into stiff peaks.

His other hand held her ass, keeping her lifted in the air, her legs now locked behind him. He alternated between thrusting up into her, and then bouncing her on top of him. He moved her like she weighed nothing at all, and she once again was overwhelmed by the size of him. Both the size of him, down below, and the size of him generally, his whole body, so large and broad and just big.

She could feel the bark of the tree digging into her back, and it burned a bit, especially when Kylo moved her on him, but she didn’t want to say anything, didn’t want to scold him. Kylo just seemed so needy, so desperate, that she couldn’t imagine telling him anything critical.

And so she kissed him back, and then she felt her moment building. And this time, Kylo didn’t ask her to look at him, as he always did. He let her have her moment, privately, his head crooked over and into her neck. When she was coming back down to earth, she felt him sucking at the skin there, and then his sucking got stronger, and Rey wondered whether he was actually biting there, because it was kind of painful. And then she said his name, and his pace increased, and his movements became more jerky, and his grip on her became stronger. And then he gasped, and Rey felt him go totally still, and she felt him pour himself into her.

And then she realized with a panic that he’d actually come inside of her, and the thoughts rushed into her, of what that would mean, and she said his name, but it was like Kylo was just lost, not present. He was frozen, his body locked into hers, panting into her neck.

“Kylo,” she said again, more forcefully this time. She unlocked her legs behind his back, wondering if she should have anticipated this. Kylo was usually so good about pulling out, it hadn’t even occurred to her that it might be an issue.

Kylo reached both hands under her ass so he could lower her back to the ground, he was still panting, and he didn’t move back or give her any space. His hands went around either side of her head, caging her in against the tree.

“Kylo, you...” She could now feel the liquid between her thighs. It was starting to drip slowly down her leg, and she shifted from foot to foot. It was a gross feeling, a reminder of what they’d done, and she wanted nothing more than to get it out of her.

“What?” he asked. Again, he made no movement to move back, to give her some space.

Rey instinctively, without thinking, ducked under on of his arms, moving out into the dim clearing, “Kylo, you came inside me!” She moved one leg into the air and jiggled it, like she was trying to shake the stuff out of her, though she knew, logically speaking, it was no use. Even if she could jiggle it out of her it was probably too late, at this point.

“Right, sorry,” Kylo said, turning to face her. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Kylo!” She couldn’t help but hear that her voice was tilting upwards, into a whine. “What are we going to do?”

Kylo shrugged, and then his eyes rooted onto hers, and he started moving towards her. 

Rey took an instinctive step back, even though she wasn’t really scared of him. It was just that there was something scary about Kylo when he looked like that, when he moved that way, like some forest predator, his eyes rooted on her.

But he was too quick for her, and he’d caught her in his arms in the next moment, and then he was pulling her in, kissing her on the mouth, his lips soft and soothing against hers.

“We don’t have to do anything,” he said. His voice was low and gentle.

“What does that mean?” Rey almost felt bad, because she could hear the tenderness in his voice. She couldn’t help the way her own voice sounded quizzical, like he had suddenly started speaking in a made up language, or the way her brow furrowed in confusion. She felt like a judgmental bitch, but this was not the time for making up nonsense or ignoring the problem. They needed to act… soon!

“Well, we could...” Kylo looked like he was trying to carefully select his words. “We could just wait and see what happens.”

Rey’s brow furrowed even deeper than it had been before, as she parsed over his words. At first she truly didn’t understand what he was trying to say, she just didn’t like tone of it. Didn’t like the way Kylo’s arms wrapped around her shoulders, pressing her to him, like it was a sentimental moment, and not a total crisis.

And then the full weight of what he was saying sunk in, and Rey instinctively pushed against him, hard, shoving him away from her and herself free. “Kylo!” she shouted. “No we can not just ‘see what happens’! Kylo! Don’t you realize what a big deal this is?”

Kylo took a step towards her again, like he was about to pull her in again, but Rey anticipated it this time, and she took several steps back, angling herself towards the light from the road.

He paused, as if he’d realized he wasn’t going to get to hug her again, and he was considering his next course of action. “I’m just saying,” he said, holding his hands in front of him in a placating gesture, like she was a horse who was about to scare and gallop off. “That if something happens I’ll take care of you. You wouldn’t have to worry about anything.”

Rey stared at him, her mouth open in horror. “Kylo, if- if something happens?” Her voice rose up hysterically on the last word. “If something happens? Nothing can happen! I have to go to school!”

Kylo shrugged, but he had a kind of guilty expression on his face. “You could still go to school! I wouldn’t abandon you, I would pay for everything!”

Rey’s face contorted, like she was looking at a crazy person. A monster. “No! Kylo, no! This is a big deal! I can’t get pregnant, okay?”

“Okay!” Kylo said. He exhaled as he said it, his eyes fixed on her. “Okay, fine.” Again, he stretched his hands out, like he was trying to calm her down. 

Rey wasn’t sure what to do or say. On one hand, she wasn’t sure if Kylo truly did get it, if he understood how important this was. On the other hand, they were standing in the middle of the woods, with cars whipping by maybe 20 feet away, although they were camouflaged from it by the trees. But still- Kylo had just punched Poe and possibly seriously hurt him, and now his car was parked by the side of the road, and the police could come by at any moment, and now his jizz was inside of her.

Rey felt like putting her head in her hands and screaming, with what a disaster this had turned out to be. 

Kylo seemed to read the panic in her, and he took a step towards her, his face apprehensive.

“Come on,” he said. “I know where we can go.”

“I need to go home,” Rey said. “It’s late.”

Kylo shook his head. “There’s a place nearby. We can crash there.”

From her peripheral vision Rey noticed him bending down, swiping something from the forest floor, but he’d put it in his pocket by the time she’d turned around. And then they were walking through the woods, and along the highway, Rey pressing her head into the crook of her arm to block her face when a car whizzed by.

Kylo turned on the truck but he was doing something on his phone, and then they were setting off, Kylo turning them in the opposite direction. The odometer ticked back up to 70 mph.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleaseeeee drop a note and tell me what you think of this one. It took me a while to get out and I really loved this one so I am dying to hear everyone's thoughts 😎


	10. Chapter 10

Rey awoke from sleep slowly. Her eyes were still closed, but she could see sunlight behind them, turning her eyelids orange. She registered the strangeness of it- she wore an eyemask to sleep. Had she forgotten it? She always wore it. 

Her eyes fluttered open, and she was blinded by the brightness of the room. It took her eyes a few seconds to adjust to the light, and then she took in the room. It looked like something from the Victorian era, with heavy wood furniture, lace curtains in the window, and crocheted rugs scattered around. Everything was really clean and beautiful- they looked like nice antiques, not like some crazy old aunt’s place that they hadn’t updated. Outside the window, there were tree branches covered in green summer leaves, and Rey could hear birds chirping loudly. She noticed that the usual noise from the highway that went near their house wasn’t there.

Her face screwed up in confusion, and Rey had an overwhelming sense of disorientation- where was she?

And then, all at once, the events of the night before came rushing over her. In an instant, she saw it all- going to the restaurant with Poe, having two glasses of wine, the sickening way Poe had slumped over, his body sliding against the wooden booth divider. Kylo racing down the highway, then pulling over and having sex with her against a tree, coming inside her. Kylo on his phone, calling some number and asking for a room, and saying it was urgent. Them pulling up to a quaint looking bed and breakfast, which looked more like someone’s extremely nice and large house rather than a hotel. Rey’s embarrassment when an older woman had opened the door, her eyes scanning over Rey’s outfit, and handing a key to Kylo, telling him they had their regular room. And then her and Kylo stumbling up the stairs, finally falling into this plush bed. Rey had fallen asleep almost instantly, maybe out of exhaustion. Though she’d tossed and turned many times as she slept, usually when Kylo would pull her completely against him while he slept, holding her against him like he was a boa constrictor determined to choke the life out of her.

But now she was awake, and she could hear Kylos’ measured breathing- he was still asleep. She stared up at the white ceiling, not wanting to move much, not wanting to wake him up.

She still felt a bit tipsy. The night before flashed through her mind, and Rey felt a sickening, dead feeling over her. She wondered whether Poe was okay, if he’d gotten home safe and everything. She couldn’t forget the blankness of his face after Kylo had punched him- eyes closed, he’d looked like he was sleeping. She knew that was bad- very bad.

She’d heard of Kylo getting into fights. Heard of him beating kids up and giving them concussions before- which she supposed was to be expected, because of his size. And he wasn’t just tall and broad- he’d really gotten strong. Rey tried not to notice, but when they had sex, sometimes Kylo would take off his shirt, and the lines of his muscles were quite evident. His body was hard to the touch- sometimes Rey thought he felt more like a rock than a human being. But she tried not to pay attention to these things, and Rey had never slept with anyone else, so she’d thought maybe all men were like that, that they were just built differently from women, and all of them felt like pushing against granite.

But after seeing what happened yesterday, Rey could no longer deny it. Now she could see why Kylo was considered so destructive at Jakku High, why all the Jakku residents whispered about him. It was really frightening, the way he’d punched Poe like he was nothing, and the way Poe had instantly slumped over. She couldn’t get the image out of her mind, and it made her feeling like crying- or screaming. Poe’s blank face, crumpled up in the booth, was all she could think of. 

Not that she ever thought Kylo would do anything bad to her. She didn’t think he would. But still- seeing someone be so violent, so savage- it was shocking. 

And Rey suddenly realized what a predicament she’d gotten herself into. Would she be able to date ever again in Jakku? How had Kylo even known that she would be there?

She wondered briefly if he could have put a tracking device on her car, or her phone. She’d seen that happen in movies.

But they’d taken Poe’s car, and how would he have known she was on a date, and not just out by herself, taking a little trip to another town with a girl friend? Kylo had come in the room looking murderous, so he’d clearly known she was on a date. How?

Rey suddenly heard Kylo moving, and felt the bed shift slightly under his body, and realized he must have woken up.

She quickly tried to rearrange her face from the worried expression, into an impassive, blank one. She’d been nibbling at her lip, and Rey forced herself to stop, trying to look perfectly calm.

“Hey,” Kylo whispered. His voice was calm, still drowsy and relaxed with sleep. 

He reached an arm out, and Rey felt it snake around her waist, and then tug her over so that she was now lying next to him. Or really… under him, because he was propped up on one elbow, looking down at her, and Rey was lying flat on the mattress, trying to stare upwards at the ceiling while still avoiding eye contact with Kylo, which was a kind of tricky thing to do. While he was pulled her over to him, her hair had gone sprawling out over the pillow, and Rey could feel how disheveled she must look.

“Hey,” Kylo said again. His voice was a whisper, almost coaxing, and Rey understood it as her cue to look at him. So she did.

Kylo smiled at her when she finally met his eyes, his lips curving upwards into a relaxed smirk. “Did you sleep well?” he asked. Again, his voice sounded relaxed, almost happy, with sleep- the sound of someone who had just woken up and had had good dreams all night.

Rey found herself unable to echo back the same energy. Not only could she not remember if she’d dreamed at all, but she felt like she was living a nightmare. She wasn’t scared of him, because she didn’t think he would ever do anything to hurt her, but she couldn’t look at him the same way. He’d touched her in a million different ways, but suddenly his arm, splayed across the dip of her waist, felt foreign, like an unwelcome invader. All she could think of was how that same arm, and the fist attached to it, had socked Poe in the face last night and knocked him completely unconscious.

But Kylo was staring down at her, his gaze penetrating, as it always was, and Rey did her best to smooth out any tension in her face, between her eyes or around her mouth. The last thing she wanted to do was make Kylo angry again.

Kylo’s eyes ran up and down her face, over her features, like she was an ancient manuscript he was trying to make out. He eyes flickered back and forth between hers, down to her lips. And then he was lowering himself down towards her mouth, like he was going to kiss her.

Rey turned her head at the last moment. “I haven’t brushed my teeth,” she said.

It was true, and also a good excuse, because the fact was she wanted to get up, get out of this bed. Get away from Kylo.

Rey slid out from under Kylo’s arm, grateful that he only resisted a little at first, and then released her.

As she stood up and walked barefoot across the floor, Rey became suddenly aware that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. Her mind flashed back to the night before, to Kylo ripping them off before they had sex.

Another casualty of the night from hell. She felt self conscious and tacitly aware of how bare she was. The dress wasn’t crazy short, but it felt like it was. It came to about mid thigh and all Rey could feel was the empty air around her. She wondered if Kylo would drive her straight home. But then she needed to get plan B- and then that memory swam around her head, bringing on another wave of nausea. Kylo had come inside her, and she had let him. 

How many hours did she have to take plan B? It was two days, right? But then she remembered that it lost efficacy the longer you went without it. 

The thought of it not working made Rey’s blood run cold. She needed to take it immediately, as soon as she could.

Which would mean she had to walk through CVS in a minidress without pants on. 

It was all a nightmare, and Rey wondered how a simple night out had spiraled so out of control. She closed the bathroom door and locked it. Knowing Kylo he might barge it at any moment- he seemed to have no concept of privacy and boundaries, always wanting to be close to her, to be touching her, even if it was just his hand brushing against her. Although it was usually their bodies sealed together- that was what he liked most, by far- skin to skin, nothing separating them. Though Rey kept these moments to a minimum, as much as she could, usually dressing quickly after they finished having sex.

She braced her hands on either side of the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. She was surprised that she didn’t look more awful. Her makeup was seriously smudged, her eyeliner spreading out in little angular streaks to the corners of her eyes. But it didn’t look horrible- it kind of fit the sexy, disheveled vibe that a smoky eye had in the first place.

Her hair was completely mussed and out of place, but that was nothing new for her sessions with Kylo. She kind of looked the same, which amazed Rey, because she felt like she’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. And she kind of had been- dragged through the woods, at least, and fucked up against a tree. That had to count for something, Rey thought ruefully.

She was grateful to find a little mini tube of toothpaste by the sink, along with bars of soap and body lotion and a shower cap. All boxed up in the typical hotel packaging. There was no toothbrush, but Rey used her finger to swirl it around and scrub at her teeth and tongue, until she felt the taste in her mouth change to a mint flavor.

She turned the water on and scooped some into her mouth with her hand, and swished it around, then spit it out. Then she peed, and washed her hands. She didn’t want to splash water on her face for fear of making it look even worse than it already did, although she used the pads of her fingers to wipe away some of the excess eye makeup. The way it had smudged looked kind of sexy, if not particularly put together, and Rey was afraid to make it look worse by messing with it.

Finally she was done, and she stared at herself in the mirror. Partially she’d just wanted a break from Kylo, and she’d gotten it, and now she had to go back to him. And they had to fix whatever had been done yesterday, somehow. 

Rey steeled herself, taking a deep breath, before she opened the door and walked back into the room. Kylo looked up instantly, his eyes moving over her.

Rey ignored him, scanning the room for her sandals. They weren’t anywhere she could see them, and Rey wondered whether she’d kicked them under the bed. 

“Come lay down,” Kylo said. He patted the space next to him on the mattress, and Rey could imagine what he had in mind. 

“I have to find my shoes,” she said, pretending she hadn’t heard him. “Have you seen them?”

Kylo shook his head. “No, but we can find them later. Come here.”

Rey said nothing, walking over to look in the hallway of the room. Now that she was actually taking it in, she could see how beautiful it was. Delicate lace curtains framed the windows, which let dappling light into the room. Outside were beautiful tall trees, and they could see the tops of them from their windows. There were little mahogany antiques dotted around the room, and Rey could imagine they cost a lot of money. It was a very formal, old fashioned style, and Rey almost felt like she’d stepped back in time. There was a grandfather clock in one corner, and an ornate bookcase in another, stacked with leather-bound books. There was a crocheted rug in the center of the room, and it all felt very Victorian, like it was from another era. 

“Rey,” Kylo said.

Rey did her best not to react. She didn’t want to get Kylo mad, but she also knew what would happen if she laid down in bed next to him. And that was the last thing she wanted. She could practically feel the need to get Plan B, to take care of this sooner rather than later. More sex was the last thing she needed.

The shoes weren’t in the doorway, so Rey doubled back, over to Kylo’s side of the bed. It wasn’t out in the open, so she bent over slightly, lifting the quilt to look underneath. There they were. She’d somehow kicked them off on Kylo’s side, for God knew what reason. She’d been so tired that she’d passed out immediately after and had almost no memory of doing so.

Rey bent down, trying to keep her backside angled away from Kylo- the last thing he need to know was that she wasn’t wearing underwear. She stretched her arm out, trying to grab the sandal strap- she had somehow kicked them off in the middle of the bed, so it was a couple feet out of her reach- and then she felt Kylo’s hands wrapping around her upper arm, and then gently yanking her onto the bed. 

“Come here” he whispered, her body being tugged onto the bed, so that she fell forward, flat against him. Rey was splayed out on top of him, the sheets separating them.

His mouth was on hers, probing against her mouth, and Rey opened to him. Even though she didn’t think he’d brushed his teeth yet, his breath didn’t smell bad to her. Maybe a little less fresh than usual, but not bad.

Kylo moaned as soon as she opened to him, thrusting his tongue into her mouth. His hand dipped into the small of her back, pulling her more completely against him. 

They kissed this way for a while, and then Kylo’s hand moved downwards, reaching underneath her skirt, cupping the flesh of her ass. He groaned when he felt that she was bare there, his hand gripping the skin even tighter.

He moved to pull the sheet away from between their bodies, and Rey broke her mouth from his, and pressed against his chest. “Kylo, we shouldn’t.”

Rey was torn- one on hand, she didn’t want to make Kylo mad. There was the perpetual issue of the legal predicament she was in- he could go to the cops at any time. And of course, he’d been so angry yesterday, and it was scary.

But on the other hand- that was exactly why she didn’t want to have sex. She couldn’t get the image out of her mind- of Kylo’s fist connecting with Poe’s face, the sick slump into the booth, the terrified face of the hostess as she’d pressed herself against the wall, staring at Kylo with a mix of awe and horror.

And it made her nervous- a reminder of the raw power of the man who was under her. Not that she could forget it, when his large body was blanketing hers. But when they were together Kylo could seem so gentle, almost like a little puppy, doing whatever she wanted. Rey realized now that it was more like a tiger that she’d had on a leash- stupidly believing the leash could stop him. And then she’d watched as the tiger had mauled everyone else in sight. 

She couldn’t forget it, and it made her want to get away from him, to stay away from him.

But Kylo was still moving the sheet, wrenching it away from both of them, casting it to the side.

Then he turned to look at her, his eyes pleading, plaintive. “Rey, please,” he said. “Just once, before we leave.”

Rey watched him warily. She hated when he got like this- all downcast, and desperate. She found that when she turned him down in this mood state he was prone to sulking, and she didn’t want to upset him again. And… he did make her heart break a little, because he just looked so… sad. 

“We need to get plan B,” she said.

“We can get it after,” he said. “One more time isn’t going to hurt.”

Rey weighed this in her mind. He was right, after all- it wouldn’t make a difference. And it would make Kylo happy. She was still worried about what should we say if- or more likely, when he questioned her about why she was on the date with Poe.

She exhaled, and then nodded, and that was all Kylo needed. He was kissing her again, and then pulling at her thighs, so that she was straddling him. He reached down between her legs, stroking her there, rubbing in little circles, until Rey found she was gyrating back at him, wanting him to do it.

And then he was pulling down his jeans, throwing open the button and ripping down the zipper, and shoving his pants down just enough. Then he picked Rey up, once again, as if she weighed nothing, and lowered her onto him. And then he was moving her back and forth on him, and he sat up, so that they could be face to face, and Rey wrapped her legs behind his back. Kylo’s arms came around her, holding her flush against him, and he was thrusting into her, and there was a deep level of intimacy in this position that Rey didn’t usually experience, with their hurried couplings on the couch.

“You looked so fucking beautiful in that dress,” Kylo said, his breath coming out in low gasps.

Rey said nothing, focusing on the feeling that was building up within her. She hated when Kylo would talk while they were having sex. In all honesty, she preferred to blot him out in her mind, to focus only on the sensation. Whenever Kylo would talk it was like a reminder- that she was here, doing this with him.

“So fucking gorgeous,” Kylo was saying. If he took any notice of her discomfort when he’s speak, he gave no indication. Rey would usually squeeze her eyes shut tighter, sometimes bite her lip, and that’s what she did then, moving more frantically against Kylo. Her movements were limited now, because Kylo’s arm were wrapped around her, sealing her to him like a vice. But she could move her lower half, and that’s what she did, feeling the sensations building up in her, trying to ignore Kylo’s voice. 

She focused only on the feeling, deep within her, and soon enough, Kylo’s voice was fading in to the background, and she could feel that feeling overwhelm her, snaking up all over her body, building to something ethereal and heavenly.

And that feeling lasted for several seconds, during which she could hear, almost from a distance, Kylo’s voice telling her to “Come for me, that’s right. I’m the only one who can make you feel this way.”

And then she was crashing back down, back to Kylo, and once again, now that her orgasm was over, she was only filled with a kind of bitter realization of who she was having sex with, and how tawdry it all was, and how devoid of anything normal, or anything resembling a real relationship, it all way.

But before the shame could overwhelm her, Kylo was flipping her down into the bed, so that her back was now pressed against the mattress, and Kylo was over her, his hands coming down on either side of her head, hovering himself over her.

And then he moved in and out of her, his eyes looking down into hers, searching her face. And Rey squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for him to finish. Usually he came within maybe 30 seconds of her, and she was always monitoring so that she could remind him to pull out.

So Rey waited 30 seconds, and then 30 seconds more, and then two minutes, but Kylo was still going. And so she opened her eyes, knowing that Kylo always seemed to come more easily when she held his eye contact.

But still Kylo kept going, at his steady pace, still muttering things about how she was gorgeous, and how she was his, and it was only for his eyes, and other such nonsense that Rey assumed was typical male pillowtalk.

For once, Rey didn’t look away, holding his eyes. She wanted him to come, to get it over with. But Kylo’s pace was steady, his gaze on hers unwavering.

“Kylo, you’re going to come right?” she asked.

Kylo seemed barely to hear her. “So beautiful. And no one else gets to see it, only me. No one else. No one else ever.”

“Kylo,” she said his name more loudly now, more forcefully, and Kylo let out a groan. His whole body froze, and Rey saw a shudder run through it, and then he stayed perfectly still. He looked away from her, up at the wall. 

“Kylo,” she said again, this time with concern. Was he having some kind of health emergency?”

“Hold on,” Kylo said. “Ah- don’t move. Don’t talk.”

It was kind of strange, almost degrading, to lay under Kylo, not allowed to speak or move, with him still inside her, but Rey did as he asked. A few seconds later, Kylo seemed to get control of himself, and he moved again within her. This time, sweat had begun dotting his forehead and little drops were slicing down his neck and into his shirt. They’d been having sex for a little while now, longer than they had before, and Rey wasn’t sure why. She’d already come, and usually Kylo finished pretty closely afterwards.

Kylo seemed to be going back into whatever weird headspace he was in before, saying how pretty she was, and then he moved one hand down, rubbing circles on Rey’s clit, saying how he was the only man who’d get to touch her there, the only man who could make her feel that way.

And Rey felt it building within her again, turning into an inferno. And then it exploded again, within her, and Rey felt it wash over her, a wave of divinity, but also of exhaustion. She wasn’t used to having two orgasms in a row, and it was kind of exhausting.

But when she looked up at Kylo, he was still going at the same pace, still staring down at her, fixated, his hand still rubbing small circles.

“Kylo,” Rey said. “You need to stop.”

She reached down to bat his hand away, but Kylo just kept going. “So beautiful,” he said. “So perfect.”

“Kylo, seriously.” She used her firm, teacher voice on him now. “Can you please just come? I’m getting tired.”

Kylo’s eyes widened slightly when she said ‘come’. “You want me to come?” He asked. “You want my jizz.”

Rey had to keep herself from rolling her eyes. No, she did not want his jizz. That was the last thing she wanted.

But she knew she had to say whatever, if that would hurry him up.

“Y- yes, I do,” she said.

“Say it. Say you want me to come inside you.”

“Kylo!” Rey shrieked. “I don’t want you to cum inside me again, I want you to pull out.”

“Rey,” Kylo whispered. “We’re already getting the plan B, it’s fine-”

“Just pull out and come on my stomach, just to be safe.”

“Say you want me to come inside you, Rey.” Kylo’s eyes were focused and intense, and Rey recognized this look, and she knew that Kylo was close, if she could just seal the deal.

And after all, he was right… they were getting plan B anyway. It wasn’t ideal, but if it got it over with…

“Come inside me,” Rey said. She looked Kylo fully in the eye for once, meeting every ounce of his gaze with equal intensity. “Come inside me, please.”

Kylo groaned loudly, and then bent down to kiss her, his kisses huge and frantic, wet and sloppy, almost like he was trying to eat her. But Rey kissed him back, because she knew he was almost, almost there.

Then he wrenched his head to the side, burying it into her neck. “Mine,” he gasped. “Mine, only mine. No one else’s.”

His hand snaked up, locking into the hair at the back of her head, and holding her in place, as he groaned. He pushed himself as far into her as he could go, and then Rey felt a wetness flooding her down below. 

It was like all the strength left his body, and he slumped over her, keeping himself propped up by his elbows. But he made no move to pull out, still staying locked within her in every way, his hand was still wound tightly through her hair, so that all Rey could look at was the ceiling above them. Which was pretty, and had little outlines of the lace and the trees outside on it. But still- she didn’t want to stare at it all day.

“Kylo,” she said after a few moments.

Kylo finally released her hair and raised his own head up, so that it was no longer buried in her neck. He turned his head so that he could look in her eyes, holding it over hers with a look of groggy satisfaction. “That was amazing,” he said. He was smiling, with the kind of pure bliss that you usually only see in small children, after they get their favorite popsicle from the ice cream truck.

He still made no move to pull out, and he dipped his head back down, resting it against the pillow, so that his head was next to hers, facing her.

“Kylo,” Rey murmured. 

“Hmmm.” Kylo’s response was a kind of absentminded hum of happiness, as if he’d completely forgotten that he was still inside her, his penis penetrating her.

“I-” How did one say this? Please remove your dick from the inside of my body? 

“Kylo- we should get going,” Rey said, trying to keep her tone light.

“Let’s stay like this,” Kylo said. “We can order in room service, Annette will understand.”

“Kylo,” Rey had to use her studious, scolding tutor voice yet again. “No. We need to get plan B, remember?”

Kylo let out a heavy sigh, as if she’d just told him they needed to hike to Mexico or something. 

“Come on,” he pleaded. “We can just stay here...”

“Kylo!” Rey now pushed against his chest, which was kind of like pushing against a brick wall, but she still needed to try. “Now!”

Kylo sighed again, and finally pulled out. She could feel the wetness now even more, now that he’d pulled out. She could feel it inside her, and as soon as Kylo had navigated to the middle of the bed, she slipped out, waddling over to the bathroom door.

She heard Kylo let out a delighted sounding laugh and she slammed the door hard. Hopefully he would get the message. 

It wasn’t funny, him coming inside her. And Rey was generally not thrilled about the idea of going on birth control, and pumping her body with all kinds of fertility hormones. But then again, she wasn’t thrilled about the prospect of using Plan B either, not at all. And if Kylo wasn’t going to take the risk of pregnancy seriously, then she would have to take other measures. 

So maybe she could go on birth control, and use it till the end of the summer. She wasn’t decided yet, but it was something she was going to consider, because this couldn’t happen again.

Rey peed and the wiped herself thoroughly, although she still felt wet and there seemed to be nothing she could do about that.

When she came out of the bathroom, Kylo gave her a huge, happy smile. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay in bed?” he asked. “I can have her bring up whatever you want to eat.”

Rey shook her head, not even wanting to verbally answer him. They had to get plan B, and he knew it. She walked past him on the bed, over to where she’d been earlier, before he’d grabbed her and everything had started. This time she was able to successfully grab her sandals, pulling them out from about halfway under the bed, marveling that she had managed to kick them so far the night before.

“Okay, well can we at least get some food here, downstairs, before we go?”

Rey turned to give Kylo an exasperated look.

“It won’t take long, and plan B has 48 hours to work,” Kylo explained. The thought popped into Rey’s head- how did he know how long plan B took from the top of his head?

“She has the most amazing ricotta lemon pancakes you’ve ever had, and like- healthy stuff! That you would like!”

Rey studied Kylo skeptically. It seemed he was always stalling, and Rey always had the sense he was trying to get one over on her, or angling to trick her. Usually into having sex with him.

But then she remembered- why they were there in the first place. Because she’d gone on a date with another man, and then Kylo had punched the guy in a fit of rage.

Suddenly, her icy demeanor seemed to shift, and Rey could no longer muster up the tone of condescension that she’d felt towards him before.

She bit her lip and looked away. She was hungry, after all.

“Okay, I guess.” 

Kylo beamed, standing up from the bed and buttoning his jeans. He looked, as he so often did, like a little boy who’d been given a present or something. “Awesome!” he said.

And then he reached down, taking her hand. He reached over to grab his phone from the nightstand, and asked Rey if she had all her things. Rey nodded, and Kylo smiled down at her, and Rey thought, for a moment, that it was the happiest she’d ever seen him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest... I couldn't even edit this because it ended up being one long sex scene and I get soooo embarrassed reading my sex scenes back! I tried but... just couldn't do it! So I apologize if there were a lot of errors. Next time we should be getting to more plot and not just smut :) As always please let me know your thoughts!! ❤️


	11. Chapter 11

Rey had figured they were at some kind of bed and breakfast- the room was just too homey and antique looking to be a motel or hotel. 

And her suspicions were proven when they went down to the “dining area” and saw that they were the only people there.

Kylo walked them out through the hallway, and Rey glanced into the various rooms they passed. They all had the same kind of antique, Victorian vibe, though it wasn’t cloying or depressing. It all felt very nice, and kind of expensive. Rey once again wished she wasn’t wearing her going out dress, and no underwear. She also wished it wasn't a $30 thing she'd bought online. This placed looked like the kind of spot filled with old ladies dressed in Brooks Brothers and Ralph Lauren.

Kylo seemed to know exactly where he was going, and he navigated them through the double doors and out to a patio area. It was beautiful, with lots of wrought iron tables and matching chairs. The whole area was covered with an overhead trellis, which had little vines weaving through it, creating a natural shade.

It looked out over some landscaped flower gardens, as well as a lake, and Rey could see that the gardens had little pathways weaving through them. It was a beautiful scene, and Rey couldn’t believe that they were the only ones who would want to have breakfast here.

“What time is it?” she whispered to Kylo.

He had led them to the best table, right in the center and against the wrought iron fence that divided the eating area from the garden. He pulled out her chair, waiting for her to sit, and then sat down himself, pulling out his phone and clicking it on.

“It’s…. 1:30”, he said.

“1:30 PM?” Rey asked. It was a stupid question- obviously the sun was out, so it couldn’t be 1:30 at night.

But Kylo just nodded, not pointing out the absurdity of her remark.

“Shouldn’t we have checked out? Won’t you get charged for another day?”

Rey felt the familiar panic rush through her at the idea of spending more than she should have. It wasn’t her money, it was Kylo’s- but this place was expensive, and almost all hotels made you check out at 11- or even 10, if it was an especially cheap place.

Kylo scrunched his face up, like what she said was absurd. “Nah,” he scoffed. “I mean, yeah, but they’re not gonna charge us.”

Rey stared blankly at Kylo, waiting for some kind of explanation. Why wouldn’t they charge him? Was this just Kylo’s continued expectation of getting special treatment, whether it was true or not?

“They know my whole family”, he said, by way of explanation.

Ah, that was it. Leia, of course.

Before she could say anything else, a brunette woman was walking towards them. Her hair was neatly pulled into a bun, and she wore a long blue skirt, with a cream colored silk blouse. 

She had a few pieces of tasteful jewelry one- a couple gold bracelets, and some sizable pearl earrings. She looked like a wealthy, respectable lady, and Rey blushed when she realized that it was the same woman who’d let them into the house in the middle of the night last night, checking them in and showing them to their room.

She wished she could somehow disguise her face, bury it in her hands or tug a hat over it. Suddenly the lack of other customers on the patio felt like a death sentence- she wished there were others to distract from her and Kylo.

Maybe she wouldn’t remember.

“Kylo,” the woman said. Her voice was high and composed, and she enunciated each syllable clearly. It added to to her air of elegance. “It’s such a pleasure to have you, as always.”

And then she turned to look at Rey, and offered a tight smile. “And lovely to have your guest with us.” Rey smiled back, but there was something sharp and glittering about the woman’s eyes. She noticed the appraising way her eyes ran down her body, over her dress, and back up. There was a hint of disapproval there, buried behind the niceties. “Nice to meet you, Miss...” Her voice trailed off, as if she was waiting for Rey or Kylo to fill out of the rest of it.

“This is my girlfriend,” Kylo said. “R-”

“Katie!” Rey said, blurting it out before Kylo could finish. 

She didn’t know what made her do it- didn’t think before the name burst from her mouth. But she outstretched her hand confidently, and smiled assertively at the woman, and the woman took her hand, offering an insincere smile back.

“A girlfriend?” The woman looked back to Kylo, directing her words at him. “How exciting! I’m sure the other girls are disappointed.”

The woman dropped Rey’s hand, not taking her eyes away from Kylo, and Rey snatched it back, having the urge suddenly to drop her hands in a bucket of hot water and give them a good scrub.

Kylo scoffed, and he looked nervously over at Rey. “Yeah, no other girls. So… they’re not mad.”

He stared down at his lap, and Rey got the distinct feeling he wanted the conversation to end.

“Really? I’ve heard you’re quite popular at Jakku High.” The woman was smiling again, and it looked more sincere than when she’d been looking at Rey, but there was still something hard, flinty, about her expression and tone. It didn’t seem like she meant everything she was saying, more like she was saying it for some other reason.

Kylo shrugged, his expression closed off and blank, the same one Rey had seen a million times, especially when she’d first been tutoring him.

“I guess. Can we order?” he asked.

The woman let out a soft, tinkling laugh. “Of course,” she said.

“Ok, we’ll have the waffles, and- what do you want?” he asked Rey.

Rey stared back at Kylo blankly. “Um, I didn’t have a menu.”

“There is none,” Kylo said. “Order whatever you want.”

Rey furrowed her brow. “What? Anything I want?”

He nodded. “Whatever- they’ll make you what you want.”

“Oh,” she looked up at the woman, hoping for confirmation, but the woman just stared blankly down at her, her eyes appraising, studying Rey’s features and dress. Rey had the distinct feeling the lady knew exactly how much her dress cost, and didn’t approve.

“I, um- can I get the waffles too, I guess, if they’re so good?”

The woman gave her a tight smile and nodded. From the expression on the lady’s face, it was almost like she thought Rey was slow, or stupid.

“Do you want any toppings?” Kylo asked. “I usually get mine plain, but you can get stuff on them. I think my mom likes- strawberries and cream, right?”

The woman nodded, giving Kylo a winning, friendly smile. “That’s right!”

“Yeah- um, that sounds good,” Rey said. “I’ll get that.”

“Ok and bacon, and some eggs. I want mine fried. Do you want eggs?” he asked Rey.

She shook her head. 

“Um… can we get fruit too? And, uh- I should probably get a green juice,” he said. “Do you want one?”

“A green juice?” Rey asked.

Once again the woman gave her a tight nod, staring down at Rey like she was stupid. 

“Um… yeah. That would be good.” Rey said. She wondered how much this would all cost- she was pretty sure green juices were expensive, something celebrities and instagram models ate.

“You want avocado toast?” Kylo asked. “My coach says I’m supposed to eat avocados.”

“I’m fine,” Rey said. 

“Ok, just one then. Uh..” he looked like he was thinking things over. “I guess that’s it.” He looked up at the woman now, and Rey got the feeling he was dismissing her.

The woman seemed to sense it too, and the judgmental expression she’d had when looking at Rey changed. She straightened her back, and gave Kylo a winning, bright smile. 

“Of course. We’ll get those for you, Kylo.”

She smiled again at him, and at Rey, and walked off, leaving the smell of her expensive perfume in her wake.

Rey looked at Kylo, from across the table. He looked calm, relaxed. Happy, even. Worlds away from the angry guy who was known for pushing kids around during lunch.

Kylo looked up, meeting her eye, and then he reached out, taking her hand in his.

His hand fit around hers, locking it into place, and Rey bit her lip. She looked away, out towards the beautiful view of the lake. Birds were singing in the summer air, the sky dotted with puffy white clouds, the trees swaying lightly in the breeze.

It was beautiful, but all she felt were nerves. What were they going to talk about? Suddenly the breakfast seemed to stretch open in front of her, vast and insurmountable.

It was strange, they’d shared so many moments of intimacy- they’d had sex more times than she could count, but she still felt like she didn’t know him. And that was how she wanted it. She didn’t want to know Kylo, never had. She preferred to keep him at arm’s length, even when he was inside her.

And now here he was, sitting across from her, holding her hand, and Rey couldn’t help but feel flushed with nerves. Her cell phone, surely lying dead now, in the back of his truck, played strongly in her mind. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing. Walking the tightrope with him, keeping him happy with her, was something she always had to remember.

But she also didn’t know how she could have an entire meal with someone and not speak, not talk honestly about her life. Especially after last night- they needed to talk about it.

Rey could feel her own awkwardness, crawling like a spider beneath her skin, her mind searching desperately for conversation starters. But when she glanced at Kylo, he looked completely relaxed. He was staring out at the lake too, but he glanced back to meet her eyes, his expression soft and warm.

Before she could or Ben could speak, Rey saw the woman emerge from the house again, holding a silver tray with drinking glasses on it.

She quickly dropped Kylo’s hand, stuffing her own into her lap, burrowing it there, as if it was a shameful thing that needed to be hidden in the folds of her dress.

“We have your juices ready for you,” the woman trilled, as she approached their table. She bent over slightly, placing tall glasses full of green liquid in front of them. “Freshly made. And we’ll be right back out with the rest of your food.”

She put down water glasses next, and then smiled warmly at Ben, largely ignoring Rey, and turned back around to the house. Rey couldn’t help a thread of irritation from weaving through her- a little pin prick that seemed to then snake through her, overtaking her thoughts, until she turned to stare at the woman’s back, watching as her overly slim and muscled figure disappeared through the doorway.

One glance at Kylo revealed that he hadn’t noticed anything- or maybe he had noticed and just didn’t care, Rey thought. He was happily reaching for his green juice, sipping from it and looking out at the lake around them. Why would he care? After all, he wasn’t the one being insulted, she thought. And she was just his- paid by the hour girlfriend, or whatever other, more vulgar term you would call it.

Rey bit back the thoughts, reminding herself that she needed to be happy, needed to keep the peace with him, today. Things couldn’t unravel anymore than they already had, especially not if Poe had indeed gone to the police. Then she really would need Kylo on her side, to lie along with her.

But she couldn’t help herself from saying something. “She’s kind of rude,” Rey said.

“You think so?” Kylo put down his now empty glass, swallowing the last bit of the green liquid. He shrugged, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “She really likes my mom. She comes here a lot.”

Of course she does, Rey thought. Because your mom is rich and powerful and probably has more money than the rest of her clients combined.

But she simply raised her eyebrows at him, forcing herself to remain silent. Don’t get into an argument about this lady, she told herself. She’s not worth it.

She reached for her green juice, which looked disgusting and radioactive, and she was wondering why she’d ordered it. Probably because she was confident that Kylo would pay for everything, and she’d always wanted to try a green juice, since she liked to eat healthy, so why not do it now, when she’d not have to shell out any money in case it was disgusting.

But now that it was sitting in front of her, practically glowing neon green in the sunlight, she had her doubts.

“It’s good,” Kylo said. “They put apple in it- or… some other shit, I don’t know. It’s sweet, you can’t taste the green stuff.”

Rey looked at Kylo skeptically, lowering her head so she could smell it. It did smell good- kind of fruity, though not like any particular fruit, more like an amalgamation.

Kylo grinned at her, almost like he was daring her, and that did it. Rey raised it to her lips, scrunching her eyes shut to take a sip.

And… it was good! She tasted apple, and pineapple juice, and a small bite of ginger.

She raised her eyebrows in approval, nodding her head as she placed the glass back down on the table. “It’s good,” she said.

Kylo nodded. “Yeah. It’s way easier to get my greens that way than eating vegetables.”

Rey laughed lightly at this. Kylo could be funny sometimes, usually when he wasn’t trying.

Kylo looked at her, again, with that rapt interest that he sometimes had, that little spark of something in his eyes, and she knew him well enough by now to know that it was often followed by some physical contact- him pulling her in for a kiss, or taking her hand, or pulling her against him.

Rey’s mind flashed to the waitress, who could come back any moment, and she wanted to distract Kylo, before he could cross the table and pull her against him.

“It’s so pretty out here,” she said. “Are those turtles?”

Kylo turned his head in the direction she’d been looking, out towards the pond. Sure enough, there were several turtles, lined up on a log, sunning themselves.

“Looks like it,” he said.

“Did you go here often with your mom?” Rey asked. She picked up the green juice, taking another sip. It was easier, this time, now that she wasn’t convinced it was going to taste like ground up broccoli.

“I guess,” Kylo said. He always seemed like a bit of a wall came down when the question of his mom came up. Which wasn’t all that often- Rey sometimes needed to ask about scheduling or payment arrangements, but they didn’t make small top often. “She comes here a lot. When she needs time to destress.”

There was a slightly sarcastic lilt on that last word, like Kylo didn’t really believe she had any problems to get away from.

Rey paused, considering a diplomatic response. She didn’t want to argue with Kylo, but then she didn’t want to insult Leia either by agreeing with him that she couldn’t really see why Leia would need to get away from her multi-million dollar mansion. Leia was her meal ticket, the money source- the only reason she was still involved in all of this. So she needed to stay on her good side.

“Yeah, well I can see why,” she said. “It’s so relaxing.”

The smell of summer air blew around them, smelling of grass and trees, and Rey could hear the leaves moving with the breeze.

It was a heavenly scene, something that Rey supposed only rich people, like Kylo and Leia, could afford, and she let her body relax a little.

She could afford it now too, she guessed, now that she was with Kylo.

Rey and Kylo were broken from their reveries by the sound of a door slamming, and the waitress had reemerged. She was followed by a young man carrying a large tray behind her, laden down with dishes.

The waiter woman, or owner- whatever she was- directed the man where to put all the different plates, and before long, Rey had her waffles in front of her, and Kylo had a mini feast in front of him- waffles, eggs and bacon, and a large bowl of beautiful looking fruit. It wasn’t just apples and pears- these were exotic looking fruits of various colors, some that Rey had never seen before. There were halves of a deep pink fruit with a white center, dotted with black. And a purple fruit with a yellow, wet seeds in the center. Rey recognized the sliced up guava, kiwis, mangoes, watermelon and blackberries. It all looked amazing, and Rey realized how hungry she was.

“Please let me know if there’s anything else I can assist you with,” the woman chirped, staring at Kylo while she said it, a professional smile on her face. The young guy had grabbed Kylo’s glass and put it back on his tray, which looked slightly comical, since it was the only item on such a large surface.

“Thanks,” Kylo mumbled, staring down at his food.

The woman walked away, young man running behind her, and Kylo and Rey began to eat. The waffles were amazing. The whipped cream was clearly homemade, the strawberries sliced and cooked in a bit of sweetener. Rey didn’t need the pot of maple syrup that the guy had placed on the table- the strawberries and cream were just sweet enough.

After Kylo had encouraged her several times, Rey finally gave in to her urge to try the fruit. It tasted as good as it looked, and Rey particularly loved the ones with the white flesh with the little black specks in it. Kylo seemed happy that she was eating it, and he pushed it over to her side of the table so she could have the rest.

She ended up eating that more than the waffles, which were good, but not the healthiest option. 

Kylo slathered his waffles in maple syrup, and ate half of them before moving onto his eggs and bacon. He finished all of those, and then his avocado toast. It was amazing watching a hungry Kylo eat- he seemed like a bottomless pit, barely stopping to chew or taste. He just swallowed everything down, the picture of efficiency and speed.

All that was left on his side of the table were half the little tower of waffles and several empty plates.

Kylo leaned back in his chair and let out a yawn, stretching his massive arms over his head. He watched Rey contentedly as she picked through the fruit bowl. She liked the more exotic ones, even though she’d never tasted them before. 

Rey found the dreamy haze that had settled over them this morning dissipated as she felt Kylo’s eyes on her. Something about the way he looked at her always unnerved her, set her on edge. She felt like an animal caught in a trap, that might have to gnaw its own leg off to get loose.

She chewed and swallowed the bit of fruit she’d just put in her mouth, suddenly self conscious about her eating. Everything, even the slightest act, seemed embarrassing when someone was staring at you, particularly when it was Kylo, with his dark eyes that seemed to take in everything.

She stared into the woods, feeling the tension wash over her. Suddenly the dappling summer light, the wind blowing in the trees, even the turtles sunning themselves on the log- felt ominous and oppressive, incongruous with what she was feeling. 

The silence seemed to hang heavily between them, and Rye couldn’t bear to look at Kylo. She could feel his eyes on her, and usually, when they were studying together, she could give him a paper to look over, or even pull him into a kiss, if it was afterwards, when they were lying on the couch together. But now it was just the two of them, with none of those pretenses between them, and she felt panicked.

“I guess- I guess we should talk about last night.” Rey blurted the words out without even thinking about them, and she instantly regretted it. She glanced over to see Kylo’s reaction and saw his expression of peaceful bliss replaced with the stony wall that he sometimes put up.

His face rearranged itself into a blank mask- tough, watchful, careful.

“Yeah, I guess we should,” he said.

Rey bit her lip. She knew she had to handle this one carefully.

“How did you find out where I was?” The words came rushing out before she could stop them, before she could hold them in.

Kylo blinked several times, as he stared at her, like he couldn’t even believe she’d asked that. “Why I showed up to a date my girlfriend was on? With another man?”

Rey was shocked. She’d known the whole thing was trouble, that it looked bad, but she hadn’t expected to be the one on the defensive. She hadn’t prepared a proper defense, hadn’t realized she would have to. But now that Kylo was sitting across from her, staring at her, she’d realized she would have to come up with her.

“I wasn’t- it wasn’t a da-”

“Who was he, Rey?” Kylo asked. “Some guy from your college? How long have you been fucking him?”

He spat the words out, and Rey could see the rage behind his eyes.

“He wasn’t-”

“I’ll beat the shit out of him,” Kylo said.

For the first time, Rey could see the guy who had the reputation in Jakku, who beat up the other students and threatened teachers. She didn’t think he would ever do anything to her, but she was afraid for Poe. She could tell Kylo meant every word, the way he was staring at her, like he was daring her to tell him not to, like he would get into his car and drive around Jakku until he found the guy.

All thought of having Kylo explain how he’d found out about the date left Rey’s mind. She needed to just calm Kylo down, get him to stop being so angry. For Poe’s sake, if he was even okay after last night. She wondered if Poe had some kind of traumatic brain injury, or if one would pop up later. It happened all the time, and with a punch like Kylo had given him, it was entirely likely.

She didn’t think Poe could stand another beating- and that’s what it had been- a beating, not a fight.

“Listen, Kylo,” she said. She tried to keep her voice calm, and soothing. She put just the slightest teacher inflection in it, that she used during their tutoring sessions. “It wasn’t a date, it was just a friend thing.”

“A friend thing?” The word came out mocking and bitter. “In that dress?” His eyes swept down derisively over Rey’s outfit, and she had the sudden urge to cover herself up.

She looked down, tugging up the bodice of the dress, even though it wasn’t low cut. She rearranged her napkin in her lap, making sure it was spread out, covering the tops of her thighs. Rey felt a burst of shame, wondering what the extremely snotty waitress or manager lady or whatever it was must have thought of her. It clearly was a Saturday night date dress, not a Sunday morning brunch outfit. It was far too short and flimsy for a place like this.

“It wasn’t-” She was planning on making more excuses, but one glance at Kylo’s stony expression made her realize that that wasn’t a good option. 

“Okay, maybe it was a date,” she blurted out. Once again, the words came rushing out before Rey could stop them, in a kind of avalanche, before she had time to filter and choose the best strategy. “But I just… I didn’t think that we were actually exclusive. I… Poe asked me and I didn’t know if it was romantic or not. I dind’t know if we were… really boyfriend and girlfriend or not.”

Rey finally took a breath, stopping to stare at Kylo, gouging his reaction. 

Kylo’s eyes were running over her face, his expression still stony, still closed-off. He looked as if he were trying to tell if she were telling him the truth or not. 

After a moment, he spoke. “How do you know him from?”

Rey debated not answering, or giving a wrong answer. She wasn’t sure if Poe would be safe if she told him- would he really ‘beat the shit out of him’ as he’d said?

But one look at Kylo’s face told her not to lie. She was sure he would find out anyway, in that crazy, creepy way he seemed to have. She was sure that, if she kept anything else from him, he’d be able to sense it, and whatever he would do next would be a million times worse because of it.

“He works next door to me,” Rey said. “Sometimes we talk on breaks.”

Kylo’s looked directly in her eyes, in a challenging way, like he was daring her to look away. And Rey knew, she somehow knew, that she had to hold it, that she couldn’t break it. And so she did, holding it, willing him to see that she was telling the truth.

Finally he dropped it, looking out past her, towards the gardens. He still looked angry, but not filled with rage as he had been before. He looked like he was debating something.

“At that real estate company? Ms. Kowalski?” 

Rey nodded. She couldn’t believe he even knew her name. She briefly tried to remember ever talking to him about it- she couldn’t remember any conversation about it, just nebulous references to her “other job”.

“This is the first date you went on?” he asked.

“Yes.” He didn’t need to know about last week, when they’d gone to get salads and he’d asked her. She’d paid for herself, which meant it didn’t count, by date rules. At least Rey was thought that was how it went- she’d never been on one, but she’d heard things to that effect.

Kylo stared at her, breathing deeply, and Rey could see his chest moving with each breath. 

Finally he said, “Okay,” and that seemed to be it.

The silence now hung between them, but Rey sensed some decision had been made, and the tension radiating off of Kylo, the mysterious way he seemed to control the energy in a room, seemed to have dissipated. His muscles no longer seemed coiled, ready to fight, his mouth no longer set in that feral line.

Rey was glad that he seemed to be satisfied, but she couldn’t help the question still burning inside her. How had he known? She wondered briefly if he could have put a tracker on her phone, or her car. But that was crazy… he couldn’t do that, could he? He wouldn’t, she was sure. He had better things to think about.

“I just… can you tell me how you knew?”

Kylo again had that expression, like he was debating something in his mind. Finally, he answered.

“My friend works there. He saw you come in.”

Rey was relieved. At least she knew. At least he’d told her, and at least he hadn’t put a tracker on her phone. So they were both even now, they both had come clean.

Kylo seemed to feel it too, and he put his hand on the table, in the middle between them, palm up.

Rey knew she was supposed to take it, and she did, without hesitation. She was just glad that he wasn’t angry anymore. She hoped that lack of anger transferred onto Poe, as well. 

Kylo closed his hand around hers, and he gave her a small, hopeful looking smile. “Let’s forget about it,” he said, and Rey nodded. Forgetting it was exactly what she wanted to do.

The door slammed again and Rey jerked. She tugged back her hand, immediately feeling the panic, as she realized the nasty waitress lady would be coming back to collect their plates. But Kylo held it steady, tightening his grip, and when she looked up at him, he fixed her with a pointed stare.

“Was everything to your liking?” The woman spoke in a high-pitched, professional sounding chirp, and once again she directed her focus towards Kylo, almost ignoring Rey.

Kylo nodded curtly, not looking away from Rey. “It was fine,” he said.

The woman silently cleared the plates, and quietly placed down the check.

After she’d gone, Kylo finally broke the stare with Rey, and released her hand. Before Rey had a chance to offer, he was signing his name, and carelessly dropping the pen back down on the table.

“Should we go?” he asked, standing up from his seat.

Rey nodded, and stood. She started walking to the car, and in the next moment Kylo was next to her, reaching for her hand, enfolding it in his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another unedited chapter! I figured it was either post it now that it's done, or sit on it and get anxiety about editing it for another month until I get the courage to reread it. (If you can't tell I HATE rereading my work. I wish I could be like Adam Driver and walk out anytime someone tries to force me to reread or re-analyze art I've done in the past 🤣) So if there were a ton of grammatical errors or anything I apologize. If you think the writing really needs an edit please let me know and I will commit to buying a bottle of wine and drunkenly forcing myself to edit once a month (the wine bottle is already in the budget but that's a good excuse now that I think of it 😆)


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